Community Chat

[Mominohio]

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@ALRATIBA wrote:

No ... I can't think of anyone I want to avoid.  I enjoy running into people.  

I've lived here in this large apartment complex for about 25 years and know so many people.  I can barely leave my apartment without running into someone ... at the mailboxes, in the laundry room, at the Concierge office, at the coffee shop, at the supermarket, in the park, at the Green Market.  The only way to avoid people is to stay indoors.  

Around election time - there are people on just about every corner handing out info.  Candidates in local election shaking hands.  It's fun to chat with them.  

When Schumer was running for senate the first time ... I'm walking to the bus stop one morning and who's on the corner but Chuck introducing himself and shaking hands.  

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The older I get, the more I tend to be this way. I enjoy talking to people. We even invite the Jehovah's Witnesses in when they come by and spend some time discussing their views (although after a couple of years of somewhat regular visits from them, they have disappeared when I politely challenged their views on political involvement, or actually the lack of it, as a disservice to the nation). 

Most people have something to offer or to be learned from. 

Those that are relentlessly annoying (one of the mom's from school was that to me back in the day) I have given up avoiding, as I got tired of letting them rule where and when I would be somewhere, and now I simply speak a kind greeting and move on within the venue.

The older I get, the less I let others control my time, space, energy, if and when I don't want them to. And I'm not going to sneak away or hide from them anymore, but give them a direct greeting, and continuing on with my task without being sucked in by them.

[chickenbutt]

Ha!  Humans?   J/k   

Probably the biggest thing for me, in terms of avoidance at this point, is that I would want to avoid seeing anybody I know if I'm at the store and not looking so great.   I'm pretty sensitive to feeling embarrassed (working on that), since growing up with a so-called mother who would take great glee in humiliating me in front of others (the stories I could tell!).

Otherwise, and mostly since I'm not that social anymore, there isn't anybody I'm trying to dodge.   But I TOTALLY understand the notion.   The one with the sweaty guy always wanting to hug her literally made me shudder.  Not only would that cause me anxiety but I also am not a fan of being touched by somebody not close to me without my permission.

[chrystaltree]

A few.  It's tricky with onewoman because she lives in the same condo complex.  She's a neighbor and I see her out and about, I don't want to seem rude but at the same time, I don't want to hear about her church or her church activities.  I don't want to hear another "my pastor says" story.  Apparently, her pastor weighs in on everything, she even had a "my pastor says" story about the road work being done near us.   She's "thick" as my mother would say.  I've tried to rebuff her, I've even tried ignoring her while she's talking.  Nothing works.  She come's running when she sees me and blah blah blah even though I'm not talking back.  I'm sure she can run faster than I can so running away, isn't an option.  

[maestra]

People who go into an hour long description of their latest illness when you ask how they are feeling. I dont ask anymore.

Unfortunately for me, DH has turned into this person-he doesnt get nonverbal cues or hints, from me or anyone else.

I walk away after 10 minutes.

[maestra]

@151949  I dont like strange people touching me.

A strange person is anyone I am not very close friends with or directly related to.

I dont care for massages and have to work myself up to get a pedicure.

Physicians are the only exception.

[blackhole99]

The Jehovah's Witnesses were always knocking on our door, my husband spoke with them one time and that was all they needed to consider my husband a friend. I finally had to tell them they were trespassing and that I would call the police if I ever saw them on my property again. Haven't seen them in years. I do like to make small talk with strangers to pass the time at the doctors office though. 

[Tinkrbl44]

What's wrong with a polite but firm "No thank you" and keep walking?   If someone is extremely persistent, follow up with "Sorry, but I don't have time" and keep your feet moving.  You don't need to stop and chat and they certainly don't want to waste their time on people who aren't interested.   

Whether they are paid or volunteers, they have a goal and want to achieve it.   Just keep moving and you'll have no problem .....

[chickenbutt]

The unfortunate thing is that people who are pushy don't get it unless you knock them upside the head with your POV.    I know, I'm remiss to really face somebody with something like that, that bugs me, because I would not like to hurt their feeings.  Even though they bug the heck out of me, they are people with feelings and I end up just understanding that they are being who they are and I cannot change that without insulting them.

I'm not saying I'm a milquetoast or any other kind of pushover (I would probably have to use avoidance as much as possible).  But sometimes it's not worth it to start something.   Does that make sense?  I save it for the big battles and, meanwhile, yeah I'd avoid the person as much as I could and just live and let live. If it's somebody I cannot avoid (family, etc type of thing), then there might come a time for confrontation.

[Pearlee]

@cherry    Yes there are.  Some even post in these forums! 

[jeanlake]

Agree with poster who avoids people with bad energy. I do a better job with boundaries now, so this doesn't happen as  often as it used to.

I will say, my retired brother-in-law is a good guy, but he has relaxed table manners since he retired. I was appalled at a restaurant recently and I sat across from him. Talking with food in mouth - huge bites. He's only 62. It's only happened since he retired. I can't sit across from him anymore. I guess you can call that avoiding.