Community Chat

[KittyLouSoutenu]

On 3/13/2015 Stella Dallas said:

On 3/13/2015 KittyLouSoutenu said:

Agree that 3 weeks is a lot different from 3 months.

But either way it seems OP has an issue with it that she might need to resolve since she says her feelings are hurt.

Doesn't help to just tell someone, "Oh, don't feel what you feel"

Except that she ASKED for opinions. They aren't always what you want to hear, especially on the internet.

I don't think I said different. Woman needs to speak up. Or she should have spoken up 40 years ago.

[abbeythe 8th]

ditzy dori,

Your name has always caught my attention so I remember a lot of your posts. I'm not trying to be cruel but you said in the past the only reason you stayed with your husband was because you had an adult disabled son and your husband would not take care of him if you left. Is your son still with you? If he is not, maybe it's time to leave this man who has been emotionally and verbally abusive to you.

This man is not going to change. I'd be glad to have time away from him.

[Lila Belle]

Good wishes OP.

[Mom2Dogs]

I probably would not care if it was me, but I do enjoy being alone sometimes and maybe he just would like some 'alone' time.

[jubilant]

ditzi dori: None of us know your whole story. Only you and maybe a few others close to you know. None of us really knows the whole story about anyone here. That makes is hard to give you an answer. As to your question, as others have said, only you know if you have been too sensitive in this situation. I am one who believes you should respect and value each others opinions in a marriage. Only you know if that is out of balance. I don't think any man or woman has to put up with being emotionally or verbally abused. You never said that happens so all I can say is, if that is the case, it's never too late to get counseling for yourself. If that is not the case and you feel that you really may be overly sensitive, counseling could help that also. If you just don't know and are all mixed up.... all the more reason to get advice from someone who knows the whole story. I hope for you peace and happiness in whatever you choose to do. God be with you.

[Stella Dallas]

to the OP, ditzy dori:

I looked at some of your previous posts and you aren't doing yourself any favors by putting a heck of a lot of personal information on the internet. In fact, for your own security, you're putting out way too much. You need to be more careful, especially in broadcasting your problems with Social Security.

You need to be MUCH more careful.

[raven-blackbird]

OP............I wouldn't have been deeply hurt.......I would have been BURNT......and there is NO WAY I would have gone along with my hubs checking out while I continued to work.....................................raven

[Slate]

Oh good grief marriage is a give and take. You should be unselfish enough to be happy your husband can go ahead of you and relax a little. It's a known fact that women live longer than men so maybe this will add a few years to his life so you two can be together a little longer.

[NC Bandwagon]

Hello, ditzy dori.

Like ROMARY 1 posted, it's usually best to speak up early about these kinds of things early in the marriage. Try talking it out together as a couple, but be polite about it. Since this has been going on through the whole marriage, he probably didn't know that you're not okay with this.

[Ditzydori]

Wow!!! I just logged on and I'm amazed at all of the responses. Thanks so much to all who took the time to respond. I feel much, much better today. My grand daughter will be with me this weekend, gerbel included. You are correct. For 40 years I stayed and fed into his me me attitude. He def is not going to change now. Him going was just a reminder of all the poor choices I've made in the past. I now made the choice to stay with him until death we do part. For those of you who asked, my disabled son does not live with me any longer. He finally got ssd and moved to n.c. With his wife. Yes, my husband was very sick last year at this time with melanoma and colon cancer, discovered a week apart. He is doing ok. He keeps very busy staying at home. He cooks, volunteers, fixed this house up for selling, etc. The condo in Florida is already fixed up with furniture, etc. this trip is purely pleasure. He went down 2 weeks after the closing to fix it up and I stayed here to work, back in October. Then I didn't give it a though because he needed to go down. I can't retire early as I'm a school aide and am getting an incentive for retiring, effective June 30. Leaving now would forfeit that. I am honored that you all took the time to give me advice. A mixed bag of advice, I must say. I already made some plans next week so, there you go, a nice change of perspective. Mr charm will never be any different, unfortunately. We bought a condo in a 55 plus with tons of activities so I will keep myself busy. Plus a lot of nice churches to go to, which means a lot to me. We'll have a great evening everyone.