Community Chat

[jubilant]

On 3/13/2015 Free2be said:

On 3/13/2015 jubilant said:

Have you ever been in a situation in your marriage where you felt nothing was going your way, your ideas were not getting addressed at all and it seemed to be very one sided? Then one day something happens (and it may not be nearly the worst thing that has ever happened..... but.... for some reason.... that day you just reached your limits.....even though. Why that thing? Why that day? Who knows? The thing is.....something led up to it. Probably a lot if things. Maybe years of things. Their her feelings and she needs to address them....not bury them.

Yes, built up resentments are like a poison. If a person doesn't like something, for their happiness, it is incumbent upon them to do something about it, not expect someone else to make them happy.

Change what you're doing, change your attitude, change something but don't get lost in waiting for someone else to change it for you. She can't very well insist he return to the home front. Maybe she should call him and make him feel like a piece of crud? If that would make anyone feel better, they have bigger problems.

Retirement often exposes weaknesses in relationships. Couples either figure it out for the best of their remaining years or they move like ships passing in the night, or some way of coping, including constant bickering -- a horrible way to live.

I agree retirement is not an easy thing and does expose weaknesses. Any unresolved problems will rear their ugly little heads. My DH is a take over kind of guy. When he first retired he complained about the way I ran the sweeper. Next..... it was how I bought groceries, and the list goes on and on. I told him I didn't want real dark carpeting because it would show every little piece of lint. It does? ...... SO..... guess who gets all the groceries now (I make the list). Oh, and guess who runs the sweeper 2 or 3 times a week because he can't stand the lint. And guess what.....HE LIKES TO DO IT! It keeps him busy and I never step foot into a grocery store and I never run the sweeper. It works for me
I will have to admit...I do the edges along the wall. He hasn't quite figured that one out yet... so I just do it. Hey, it's not so bad!!!!! Actually, I know it's not funny but I told these things to say....letting people learn from "natural consequences" is not a bad thing. OOPs....I went to edit and well I guess I had already sent the other one or something. God only knows.

[Justina rae]

OP, the question "Am I being too sensitive?" is not one any of us can answer for you. You feel what you feel and I don't know that feelings can be turned off like a faucet. The crux of the matter is that you felt "hurt deeply" because your husband went off without so much as a blink...that is...without protesting that he would be without you, etc. It makes you feel unloved and unwanted and that he doesn't care about you as much as you care about him. Perhaps there is also an element of suspicion on your part about him being alone down there but I'm just throwing that out there.

Like others have said "What's done is done". You might have expressed your feelings to him before he went down. Maybe he would have reassured you. But you didn't so now you are left to wonder how he could do such a thing to you. Maybe you didn't because you were afraid to hear the answer or didn't want a confrontation. There's really not much left to do. If you feel you must bring up how you're feeling to him, make sure it doesn't lead to a confrontation about the situation. You can express your feelings without it leading to one.

[NoelSeven]

On 3/13/2015 hckynut said: You have gone along with it for 40 years and you think this is going to change now? well, unless your husband is different than most of the man I have met over many years and decades the chances of something changing after 40 years is slim to none.

John, LOL!

[ROMARY]

Married folks just have to 'speak up' early on..........see what happens.........Gee, I don't even know if that's a good idea, (in the very beginning). Still thinking..........

[lulu2]

Didn't your husband recently undergo treatment for colon cancer?

Maybe he just wants to get away and start anew in the condo you are retiring to.

If he's been a me person your entire marriage, the changes of him changing are not great.

[Lion]

On 3/13/2015 KittyLouSoutenu said:

On 3/13/2015 Lion said:

On 3/13/2015 KittyLouSoutenu said:

Agree that 3 weeks is a lot different from 3 months.

But either way it seems OP has an issue with it that she might need to resolve since she says her feelings are hurt.

Doesn't help to just tell someone, "Oh, don't feel what you feel"

I mentioned the 3 weeks vs. 3 months because it looked like most responding thought it was 3 mos.

The OP has a right to her feelings, but sometimes it does help to put things in perspective.

Yes, I agree.

Perspective is certainly good, but it just seems like OP has been suppressing feelings about him being all about him for maybe a long time.

Maybe she can talk about it with him so she will feel better about it.

I agree. None of us are mind readers yet we often expect others, especially spouses/significant others, to know what we need & how we feel.

It would be nice if it worked that way but it doesn't.

There's always the chance that the other person won't change (or care) after having a talk, and that can make things even worse.

[Free2be]

I did pick up on the 3 months rather than weeks before she'd be down there. I get the feeling of ""left out"" of the enjoyment of the new place. Freedom to go is the joy of retirement. I hope the 3 months flies by.

[blackhole99]

You put up with how he is for all these years , he's not going to change now. Sounds like you have a pretty sweet retirement to look forward to, I'd just as you say," s--k it up "and enjoy the rest of my life.

[Jerzgirl]

I think I'm the one who is "ditzy". I came away with the impression that your husband is coming back home with you after Easter until you are ready to move down there..no?? If that is the case, then no, its not a big deal he went down now for a couple of weeks. You should also put all your cards on the table with your husband, if he doesn't know how you're feeling, he can't fix it.

Jerz

[PIT-HAG Melissa]

He is a man... They do not think as deeply as we do..

Since he has always been ME ME without you speaking up, he felt there was nothing wrong...

On a lighter note,Kittylou,ITA!