Community Chat

[Free2be]

On 3/13/2015 jubilant said:

Have you ever been in a situation in your marriage where you felt nothing was going your way, your ideas were not getting addressed at all and it seemed to be very one sided? Then one day something happens (and it may not be nearly the worst thing that has ever happened..... but.... for some reason.... that day you just reached your limits.....even though. Why that thing? Why that day? Who knows? The thing is.....something led up to it. Probably a lot if things. Maybe years of things. Their her feelings and she needs to address them....not bury them.

Yes, built up resentments are like a poison. If a person doesn't like something, for their happiness, it is incumbent upon them to do something about it, not expect someone else to make them happy.

Change what you're doing, change your attitude, change something but don't get lost in waiting for someone else to change it for you. She can't very well insist he return to the home front. Maybe she should call him and make him feel like a piece of crud? If that would make anyone feel better, they have bigger problems.

Retirement often exposes weaknesses in relationships. Couples either figure it out for the best of their remaining years or they move like ships passing in the night, or some way of coping, including constant bickering -- a horrible way to live.

[CatsyCline]

maybe he plans on going to Bike Week? (jk)

the way im reading your post Dori - your DH is going for just 3 weeks? then you return north?

and he had a health scare too? and this winter from h3#?

give him breathing room...life is short, 3 weeks is a blink of an eye. being sensitive and needy will make both of you miserable.

[chickenbutt]

Men aren't terribly bright, especially when it comes to being intuitive. You have to come right out and say what you're thinking and how you feel. Otherwise it just doesn't hit their radar at all.

[Lion]

If I read the OP's post correctly, her DH is not gone for 3 months, but only about 3 weeks.

She says he left yesterday and they'll *return together* after she goes there during Easter week.

3 weeks is much different than 3 months.

[GCR18]

I don't think you're being too sensitive. I think though that this is going to continue to be a problem until you are both retired and have the same schedule. I would talk it over with him.

[missy1]

This is how it's always been for you. Enjoy your me time!

[goodstuff]

On 3/13/2015 Lakk said:

If he's been "me me" for 40 years and your still there, I'd let it slide.

Exactly! Why would you expect the man to change now? If you've put up with this for this long, it's what he expects and is accustomed to. If I were you, I'd let him enjoy his early time in Florida, and you enjoy being on your own for a few weeks. You'll be joining him in Florida at Easter, so look forward to that. You've decided to stick with this man for many years, so I assume there are plusses to the relationship as well as minuses........and at your stage of life (unless there is abuse involved), why abandon an otherwise good and familiar "ship"? Learn to enjoy the positive things about your relationship with your husband and to enjoy your own interests, activities, and friendships so you don't feel at loose ends when your husband is enjoying his! And perhaps you can also work on developing more common activities when you join him in Florida.

[KittyLouSoutenu]

Agree that 3 weeks is a lot different from 3 months.

But either way it seems OP has an issue with it that she might need to resolve since she says her feelings are hurt.

Doesn't help to just tell someone, "Oh, don't feel what you feel"

[VioletEyes]

On 3/13/2015 Lion said:

If I read the OP's post correctly, her DH is not gone for 3 months, but only about 3 weeks.

She says he left yesterday and they'll *return together* after she goes there during Easter week.

3 weeks is much different than 3 months.

I think my reading comprehension is gone! Yes, she said three weeks!! That puts a completely different light on it.

[KittyLouSoutenu]

Does absence make the heart grow fonder?