Community Chat

[sugar plum]

If your DH has no desire to attend, then he shouldn't. Perhaps the step-sons can meet your husband for lunch somehere. Just a thought. I don't know the family dynamics so it's kind of hard to say.

Your DH will make the right decision for himself. No one should try to persuade him otherwise. I'm sure he has his reasons for not wanting to go.

[qbetzforreal]

My parents had been divorced for many years before my father passed away.  My mother attended his service.  She also attended the service for paternal grandmother out of respect.

I don't think it is immature for the son make the request.  Perhaps he is looking for support from his surviving parent during the worse time of his life-burying his mother.

[Snowpuppy]

Awkward situation but a grown man is being asked by his children to be supportive in a time of need.

Put on a suit, find an ounce of compassion for your children and go, even if just for an hour.

[Mersha]

@Trailrun23   Bottom line, your husband, for his own personal reasons, does not want to attend the funeral. 

If the sons requesting his presence were children or even in their teens, that would be another story.  These children are grown men and should be equipped to deal with their mother's funeral without their father there.

They have each other and I assume each has a family of their own.

[kitcat51]

He should go & support his sons, it's about them not his ex....they will never forget if he doesn't.

[Kachina624]

@Trailrun23.  Help me out...how does this put you in a "weird" situation?  I don't see where you're involved at all.

Your husband's sons may be somewhat socially awkward and may not know how to relate to their mom's family.  Maybe you could make some suggestions.

[chrystaltree]

Good grief, what is wrong with you?  Most men wouldn't have to be asked to go to funeral to support their sons, they would do it because it's the right thing to do.  Funerals aren't for the dead!  They are for the living.  They've lost their mother and who knows why but they need their father at the funeral.  If he can't do that little thing for his own sons, that tells us what type of man he is.  And they will remember that.  

[Chessa35]

It sounds more like the Son feels guilty about the way he was with his Mother .

Your Husband can give him support without attending the Funeral . 

[Kachina624]

There may be animosity between poster's  dh and his ex's family.  He should not feel obligated to go.  Wild horses couldn't have gotten me to my ex's funeral.  I had no business there.

[Queen of shop]

@Trailrun23  This same situation happen not even two months ago with people I now. The mom and dad had been divorced for 19 years. They had three children together that are all married and have kids of their own.

Anyway.....the father passes away. The three kids were not crazy about their dad but he was their dad nonetheless. His exwife, the three kids mother went to the wake, had a flower arrangement delivered and signed the book in the funeral parlor with her sympathies to her three children. She also attended the funeral the next day.

IMO she did the right thing. She supported her children even though they are adults, and her seven grandchildren. She put her personal hurt aside over the divorce, stood tall and came out smelling like a rose. Strong woman. Strong mother.

I hope your husband can dredge up some strength and support his sons. No matter how old we get, if we have parents in a situation such as this one, he should support. They made babies together. The sons seem to need their father there. Hope he goes. And remember, the grandchildren are watching too how this is handled. I wouldn't want the grandchildre to have leverage over grandpa that he didn't attend for them either.

I wish you luck and peace of mind.