15. I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note saying, "Toys not included."
Bernard Manning
16. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. Phyliss Diller
17. Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.
Ellen Degeneres
18. I stopped believing in Sana Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see Santa Claus in a department store, and he asked me for my autograph. Shirley Temple
19. Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
Victor Borge
20. Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
Andy Borowitz
21. Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.
Richard Lewis
22. I hate the radio this time of year because they play "All I Want For Christmas Is You," like every other song. And that's just not enough. Bridgen Winegar
23. People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas. Unknown
24. One of the most glorious messes in the world is in the living room on Christmas Day. Don't clean it up too quickly.
Andy Rooney
25. My husband's idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge. Melanie White
26. I grew up on a Christmas Tree Farm so this is a good season for me. It was my job to pull the praying mantis pods off the Christmas trees. Taylor Swift
27. I planned out our whole day. First, we'll make snow angels for two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Toll House Cookie Dough as fast as we can and then we'll snuggle. Elf
28. At Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.
Unknown
29. Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
Larry Wilde
30. You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger. Robert Paul
31. Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family. Charles M Schulz
32. There are three stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus
He does not believe in Santa Claus
He is Santa Claus. Bob Phillips
33. I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin. Winston Spear
34. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer and receipts for all major purchases. Bridgen Winegar
35. Thank you, stockings, for being a long flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace.
Jimmy Fallon
36. I don't want Christmas season to end, because it's the only time I can legitimately indulge in a particular addiction:
Glitter. Eloise James
37. It's easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket. Craig Ferguson
38. That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me. Jerry Seinfeld
THE END
READER'S DIGEST
The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam
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