Shawn Killinger - A Personal Story

by on ‎08-12-2014 09:14 AM

My dear friends,

I have always shared ‘my everything’ with you, always been humorously over-honest, unapologetically the over-sharer. I’ve always wanted to keep things real between us, because otherwise what’s the point?

I’ve been slow to do that with something recently, something very painful and private, something I wanted to keep to myself to keep it protected, and untouched by public consumption. But my need for privacy is causing worry, speculation, uncertainty, and in a few isolated cases, fueling some rumors. My heart doesn’t have the energy for that stuff, so after talking to Joe, we wanted to reach out and explain why you have not seen me.

A few weeks ago, Joe and I lost a baby, a beautiful baby girl. We were almost 5 months pregnant. That is why I had been sitting down during shows, and took a break from Saturdays. I was very close to announcing my pregnancy.

I know you probably wonder why in these situations “we” wait so long, “It’s so wonderful and obvious, why doesn’t she just tell us she's pregnant already?!”. This is why............because having to undo the greatest joy with news of a loss, on a very public stage, is even more painful.

Joe and I have been surrounded in prayer by so many amazing friends who are lifting us up, and for that, we are grateful. If you are one of them, we can’t begin to thank you enough!!!

I know God has a plan, even though I don’t understand it. The truest test of faith is believing and trusting in bad times, when He takes away, or allows us to walk through a valley of pain. I can’t just rely on Him for happy stuff, blessings, provisions, and then turn on Him when my life falls apart.

Joe and I know you grieve for us. This is not the first time this kind of tragedy has struck our QVC family. Few people can fathom this grief unless they have walked in these shoes, the shoes of hoping, wanting, dreaming, preparing, thanking, praying…and then mourning.

I don’t want to linger in this place of sadness, because the longer I do, the longer we are kept from what awaits us, which is hopefully the sun coming up after a dark night. I need your help with that. I know you will want to share your love and thoughts with me, maybe during shows, or call ins.

I would kindly ask for your mercy, that you don’t. Being on air with you, delighting in things that lift the soul and spirit, laughing uncontrollably with Isaac, and cracking jokes with my beauty babes on Tuesday nights, is what I need. Being reminded of this loss during a call in would be very painful, and none of you are tuning in for pain or sadness. 

I look forward to seeing you soon, I just needed some time to get my head and heart together. I’ll be back on Tuesday 9/2 and my return couldn’t come at a better time. My favorite season of all is Fall so I cannot wait for that smell of nip in the air.

There’s something in Autumn that speaks to my soul. It feels like a good time to heal. Until then, I am with family and Joe, on FB, and missing you all terribly, so excited to get back, and hoping that your end of summer is full of wonderful memories.