O/T Family drama.......((sigh)) - Page 9

twins mom · ‎03-14-2010

On 12/2/2014 ashleigh dupray said:
its a difficult situation but for some reason imo the grandmother wants things this way. i saw this with my former inlaws with the boys in the family, they were given a pass on everything while the girls were expected to work and leave home. and family adoptions are no guarantee the children will thrive. on the other side of the coin, my former inlaws took their drug-addicted daughter's 3 older children (ages 5-9) and her older sister adopted and raised them in a strict Bible teaching home - homeschooled. Grandmother in her 60s and in poor health cared for them too, she had enough on her plate with grown sons in the house. the addict daughter kept the youngest and married his father and she later OD and died. sadly all but one of the children ended up being chronically unemployed and in trouble with the law. the youngest of the first three became a successful tech entrepreneur. it all starts with family. how does one break the cycle.

Wow-- lots of interesting stories and experiences... how to break the cycle? People used to think it was education but imo it is not... people used to think it was a strong religious upbringing but imo it is not... sometimes actually it may have to do with luck? Some people who are born in the worst circumstances do very well... some people who are born in privilege turn out to be a mess...

I know the OP asked about help with mediation with this but many people actually don't like being told/or suggested what to do... they feel it is an invasion of their home... and I don't think anyone needs a lecture on how they should live their lives.. they have already heard it before and that might make it worse

The one thing I would suggest is her brother immediately get a vasectomy (sorry can't spell) and cease to reproduce... let's just limit this to one child... and put the child in some type of enriching child care with children their own age so they can learn to socialize with others which would be helpful for the child... keeping her isolated will make it much worse

Luvtoshopathome · ‎03-09-2010

This poor child is your niece, so have you ever thought of taking her into your own home so your mother wouldn't have to deal with this situation and this innocent child would be safe and secure. If I were in your situation that's what I would do for the sake of my niece. I would never even think of having this child taken away from its family.

Mindy D · ‎05-23-2010

Sorry, but not all mental illnesses are forever. It was never mentioned what illness the child's mother has. She could recover. Certainly, if she is cogent, she should be able to voice her wishes. I feel very sorry for the mother. Imagine if you were too sick to take care of your own baby. Perhaps your mother needs to give your brother a realistic timeline to get a job. More realistically, your mother should tell him to stay home and take care of his baby. He could probably use some counseling to guide him into behaving more responsibly and being more considerate of your mother. He sounds immature. He could be asked to go to counseling. It could help. You don't say whether or not he loves his child. A LEGAL custody arrangement has to be worked out.

SnowKita · ‎03-16-2010

On 12/3/2014 luvtoshopathome said: This poor child is your niece, so have you ever thought of taking her into your own home so your mother wouldn't have to deal with this situation and this innocent child would be safe and secure. If I were in your situation that's what I would do for the sake of my niece. I would never even think of having this child taken away from its family.

op clearly does not want to take the niece in. she is looking for other suggestions here.

moonstone dunes · ‎11-06-2011

Look into ""Guardian ad Litem"" AKA in some states 'CASA' Court Appointed Special Advocates. Do this now! It is a process and may take a bit of time. You will likely need an attorney or mediator.

Take your emotions and resentment for your brother and the child's mother out of this.

Do this for the sake of the child. Be proactive.

Theoriginallacey · ‎03-28-2012

Every adoption situation does not end up in no one seeing the child again. There are open adoptions agreed upon by both sets of parents every day. I worked with a woman whos daughter kept having children she wasnt equipped to take care of with different men. She finally talked her into giving one up for an open adoption when she was pregnant amd already had two or three she was struggling to take care of. The grandmother receives pictures and is allowed to visit the little boy often, and of all her children, he is in the best and most stable situation. The only problem turned out to be that her daughter resented giving up the boy so much, she immediately got pregnant again and had another baby.

Luvtoshopathome · ‎03-09-2010

On 12/3/2014 SnowKita said:
On 12/3/2014 luvtoshopathome said: This poor child is your niece, so have you ever thought of taking her into your own home so your mother wouldn't have to deal with this situation and this innocent child would be safe and secure. If I were in your situation that's what I would do for the sake of my niece. I would never even think of having this child taken away from its family.
op clearly does not want to take the niece in. she is looking for other suggestions here.

I just can't understand that at all.....sorry but I think that's heartless. That child is her brother's child and she is family. I would be embarrassed to come here and even ask for suggestions and saying that it would be best to put the child up for adoption. She states 'the entire CAST OF CHARACTERS' need to come together. How do you refer to your own family that way? I guess she includes herself in that cast of characters. Geeeeesh I guess I was brought up differently because I could never see my own flesh and blood niece become separated from me and just say put her up for adoption. This whole situation upsets me for that poor child.

CouponQueen · ‎10-21-2010

OMG how horrible for this poor child basically not wanted by anyone.

I don't know if I could allow my niece/nephew just to be given up for adoption and removed from the family ...I think I would step up and obtain temp custody and hopefully during that time a permanent solution is available..such as the father or Maternal Grandparents maybe stepped up. Mother cleans up...something - but I don't think I could just let my small niece just be given away like unwanted Coat.

I know that sounds harsh and it is a HUGE responsibility but as a interm solution..