Beauty

[Abrowneyegirl]

I am at my wit's end and if there was not a small child (16 months) in the middle of this crisis I would put my foot down.

I feel the family is in need of a mediator of some sort to be impartial and offer options, guidance and goals. I am not sure if we need an attorney or someone from child welfare or something else all together.

The short story is:

My younger brother is a 40 yo not working loser and his ex girlfriend -mother of child, has a significant history psychiatric disorders and does not work and is freq. hosp for mental issues.

My brother and his child has moved in with my mother (72 y.o) who has become primary care giver for this child while my brother is out and about daily. My mother is now having health problems and can no longer emotionally or mentally be in this position. The ex-girl friend's mother does not want the child full time, but will babysit occasionally.

My mother (a widow) feels trapped, obviously. My brother is always telling her he is getting a job and moving out, which NEVER comes to fruition.

The entire cast of characters needs to come together and create a short and long-term plan. Placing the child up for adoption is probably the best option for the child.

Any suggestions as to who/whom to connect to mediate such a conversation?

Thank you.

[Colonel Meow]

Without commenting on any particulars of your post, I'll ask if adoption is even something that the parents have discussed and considered as a viable option - or is it simply what you feel is best for the child?

[YorkieonmyPillow]

Has your mother babied your brother for many years? If so, good luck changing the family dynamic.

[scatcat]

Is the child being neglected or abused? If yes call child welfare. There are 9 million people unemployed and 110 million on welfare. More than half a million people are homeless. See where I'm going with this? I feel sorry for the child.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

I totally disagree with calling CPS. No telling what would happen to the child then. I also would not let it be adopted out; if anything, I would take it (as it's aunt), to ensure it got treated/raised right. BTW, how old is the child?

[pistolino]

I don't know what a mediator could do with this dysfunction because your mother and your brother would have to agree that she can't continue taking care of the child and that he needs to move out, both of which aren't likely.

Your mother (who probably has a big hand in the creation of and continuing of the problem) either needs to tell him or you will have to step in, give the brother and his child a deadline to get out and plan on your mother not backing you.

Unless you want the child taken away, I wouldn't involve child protection services yet. If neither of the solutions above can be done, eventually you'll need to involve them formally and the child will be taken out of that setting and probably placed in a foster home unless another relative agrees to take the child.

I would be careful here because contacting authorities could cause your mother to stop communicating with you.

It's also possible that with her health problems your mother could die or become so ill she needs 24-hour nursing care and your brother is already sitting in a house he will view as "his" and you'll have to evict him.

[LilacTree]

If this is taken critically, then so be it. All I know is I would never let a child that close to me be adopted out of the family, or put into the "system." My heart goes out to that poor baby.

[Abrowneyegirl]

On 11/29/2014 Colonel Meow said:

Without commenting on any particulars of your post, I'll ask if adoption is even something that the parents have discussed and considered as a viable option - or is it simply what you feel is best for the child?

I am NOT suggesting anything to either my brother or the child's mother, it is not my place!

My concern is the mental, emotional and financial health of my mother. She has been seen my many specialists and sees a counselor all who recommend she needs to reduce her stress and get more rest.

My goal is to get the parties together to create a plan on who is going to raise the child. My brother and the mother are not capable unfort. Even my mother who loves this child dearly admits she will not be around long enough to raise her and she deserves to be in a stable loving home, she is pro-adoption.

[Colonel Meow]

Maybe I missed it in OP's post, so I'll ask point blank - is the child being neglected or abused? If not, CPS has no grounds to become involved - and certainly none to remove the child from their home.

[Abrowneyegirl]

On 11/29/2014 YorkieonmyPillow said:

I totally disagree with calling CPS. No telling what would happen to the child then. I also would not let it be adopted out; if anything, I would take it (as it's aunt), to ensure it got treated/raised right. BTW, how old is the child?

No one is calling CPS, this is not an emergency and the child is fine. CPS is overwhelmed with real emergencies.

I was wondering if there is a dept. within the child welfare system that could present all options to the families to ensure a child is receiving proper benefits and services.