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Frequent Contributor
Posts: 100
Registered: ‎03-17-2010

Re: Advice: Is it ever OK to tell someone they smell?

OKPrincess -- He showers every day.  You mentioned exactly what I most suspect the issue is -- not cleaning himself thoroughly after using the bathroom at work.  If that is it, I think that makes it much more difficult and delicate to bring up.  I don't want to embarrass him, but it is truly affecting my attraction to him, which is not an issue that can go ignored.  Ugh, what to do, what to do!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,788
Registered: ‎08-18-2016

Re: Advice: Is it ever OK to tell someone they smell?

Google 'diseases that cause bad odors'.
There's quite a variety of possibilities that fit your description. The acidic, or sour, or fishy, or cloyingly sweet are just a few of the smells illness can produce, and some may come and go.
Assuming diet and hygiene 'pass the smell test', he may be unaware that he could need medical attention.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,483
Registered: ‎10-19-2011

Re: Advice: Is it ever OK to tell someone they smell?

TELL HIM

I'd rather hear the worst truth than the best lie...........

 

(I had to make this same choice with someone)

 

Do you want to go around with some ol veggie stuck between your front teeth and no one will tell you?.........heck no.....or that ol chin hair ? So not happening.

-Do Not Copy Pls-
Regular Contributor
Posts: 177
Registered: ‎03-25-2010

Re: Advice: Is it ever OK to tell someone they smell?

[ Edited ]

After reading your posts of narrowing down where the odors are coming from it is difficult to mention it to him delicately. I was hoping it would have been something like smelly clothing, it then would have been easy to accidently spill something on him then say, Oh, so sorry let me launder that for you. But you are too young and certainly should not be volunteering to wipe his behind for him, if that is where the odor(s) are coming from! 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,803
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Advice: Is it ever OK to tell someone they smell?

[ Edited ]

Please tell him--but in a gentle way. You have a good relationship.

 

Medical conditions can cause an odor problem and like those stupid commercials say we can become "nose blind." You can become used to odors and not smell them as others do. It's something that the body does. Don't know the exact science behind it. 

 

So often people have problems and they don't know. And because of it, everyone suffers.

It's not pleasant for the people around them and it certainly isn't pleasant to be lonely.

 

In your case, your friend might be able to get to the root of the problem.

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,200
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Advice: Is it ever OK to tell someone they smell?

Maybe a little gift basket with things you can tell him will help prevent colds and flu (trying to shift the focus here). Small hand sanitizer, antibacterial soap like Dial, and these https://www.amazon.com/MANGROOMER-Flushable-Personal-Engineered-Executive/dp/B0090N3SKM. You have to be willing to consider that you will lose him as a friend, and be uncomfortable seeing him after this. Alternately, it might solve the problem!

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 33,394
Registered: ‎05-17-2010

Re: Advice: Is it ever OK to tell someone they smell?


wrote:

OKPrincess -- He showers every day.  You mentioned exactly what I most suspect the issue is -- not cleaning himself thoroughly after using the bathroom at work.  If that is it, I think that makes it much more difficult and delicate to bring up.  I don't want to embarrass him, but it is truly affecting my attraction to him, which is not an issue that can go ignored.  Ugh, what to do, what to do!


 

@juncus  How important is this relationship to you? Is he a keeper in every other way? If yes, then break the news honestly and with empathy. If he gets upset w/ you....let him take a hike and find someone else. You can’t continue in a relationship where someone’s hygiene is keeping intimacy at bay. 

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,206
Registered: ‎12-16-2013

Re: Advice: Is it ever OK to tell someone they smell?

[ Edited ]

If it were me, given your relationship status, I would definitely tell him.  If your significant other (and good friend) won't tell you, who will?

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 100
Registered: ‎03-17-2010

Re: Advice: Is it ever OK to tell someone they smell?

January121 -- Thanks for your reply!  Yes, he does have a very important position -- he is the Chief Technology Officer for the entire college.  The place couldn't run without him and his staff.  I have often wondered if other people notice the odor as well.  I have a super sniffer but am curious if people who have a more normal, less keen sense of smell can detect it.  I wish that smell didn't affect me so much -- any moderate odor (perfume, cigarette smoke, etc) can just ruin whatever I am doing.

 

And thank you for the dating advice, LOL!  The last guy I dated was 15 years younger than me -- so being with someone 15 years older than me is DEFINITELY different.  Let's just say there are pros and cons to both!

 

 

 

 

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 100
Registered: ‎03-17-2010

Re: Advice: Is it ever OK to tell someone they smell?


wrote:
Google 'diseases that cause bad odors'.
There's quite a variety of possibilities that fit your description. The acidic, or sour, or fishy, or cloyingly sweet are just a few of the smells illness can produce, and some may come and go.
Assuming diet and hygiene 'pass the smell test', he may be unaware that he could need medical attention.

 

I had thought about that, but the odor is so random.  Like this past week, there were two days that he smelled like that.  So it's not every day (not that that precludes a medical cause).  The smell makes me think of a nursing home.  I know that sounds terrible, but when I catch a whiff, it reminds me of what I remember a nursing home smelling like way back when I used to work at one in my early 20's.