Among Friends

[Silkeej]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts, this has been the hardest time of my life and to face it alone without my best friend has been very hard. He was always there for me. I didn't really want to participate in anything ater he passed,  I felt like my life was over  .I cried every time I thought about my Husband and knew I would never hear him laugh again,  see his smile, touch his face, or get one of his bear hugs that meant so much to me, he loved to tease me about anything and everything and he never let his problems get in the way of what he wanted to do. He was my hero.  Thankfully I do have grown children who are  there for me in so many ways, their support is priceless and they keep me going. They make sure I am busy and active as much as they can.    During the day I keep myself busy,  it is at night that I feel the lonliness and pain. It has taken me months to finally be able to sleep.    Knowing I have new friends to talk with on this forum has become a blessing for me.   I look forward to talking with all of you because no one in my life knows what I am going through they haven't experienced this kind of loss.   Again many many thanks for taking the time to reach out to me. It means a lot.

[possummink]

 Silkeej,  Welcome to our little family,  though I am sorry you have had to join the 'club' no one wants to join.   We do understand all the emotional ups and downs that you are going though.   My Charlie died 15 1/2 years ago, though at times it seems like yesterday.  I can still hear his laugh,  see his smile, and dream about him.   The pain you are feeling does lose the sharpness over time, but it's still there.  The lonliness really hits me at times but grandchildren and keeping busy help, as well as my cat, or cats.  It varies, but I don't know what I'd do without my cats or any pet.   They stay with you and don't criticize if you look a mess, cry a lot, (though they'll put a paw on you, to help, or give you a rub).   

Charlie died of colon cancer, which we found out about too late.  We knew after the surgery that he wouldn't recover unless there was a miracle.  Even with an extra 4 years to accept and prepare, I wasn't prepared to accept that one minute before,  I was a half of a marriage, and then I wasn't part of anything.  I know I am putting that badly,  but it was one of the things that hit me immediately.  I was alone, though surrounded by family and friends.  I don't know why that hit so hard, but it did, and still does.  There are so many 'what ifs',  still.  

Each of us has to walk a path that is ours to navigate on our own.  No rules, no time limits, we take each step though our grief in our own way.    There are many helping hands and groups that want to help.  Take those hands and helps as it does ease the sadness and gives us a lift,  knowing there are persons who really want to help and give support and comfort.  

I was Charlie's caregiver and also my mom's(She died 3 months after he did.),   I felt so totally lost and became depressed.  Such emptiness then was in my life.  I wasn't needed,  the house was so silent,  I'd never had to do some ot the tasks that I now had to face, alone.  Thank goodnes I found the Widows thread here on Q.  The kind, comforting, gentle Ladies who were already on their paths of life, so changed by losinig their beloved partner,  listened, offered support, and a shoulder to cry on,  helped me get out of the awful depressed state I was in.  I found that many Ladies had similar experiences, hardships, emotional ups and downs, and they were living their lives as best as they could, and so could I.  

It's good to have you with us and I know you will find loving support and caring friends here.  I wish you peace and blessings, always. 

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[Mamaschatz]

I don't know if anyone missed me but I am still here and OK. To much was going on for me to even sit down and write. I didn't get a chance to read all the e-mails except only a few. Never in my whole life did I think that life can be so hard to manage at times.

Snappy, I read that your daughter had a accident. I am so sorry. I think I told you that I also was involved in an accident. It is very scary. I hope that your daughter is alright.

[snappyfrappy]

Dear Silkeej, thank you for sharing what happened to your dear hubby. What a terrible shock. I think we all feel like our worlds are upside down. It's the everyday things I miss the most as you do. The smiles, hugs, joking, now just memories. We cherish them, but wish we still had them. I miss holding hands with my hubby when we walked anywhere. Not long before he went Home, a photographer came to our family gathering and took pictures. One is of our hands holding each other. I have that framed and look at it often. So glad you have grown kids who are in your life and are helping you. We have 3. My son is 61, DD#1 is 59 and DD#2 is 55. We also have a DDIL and a SIL and 3 grankids in their 30s. They all live close enough so we can get together for all special days.

If visiting the cemetery helps and comforts you, do it. I don't go because it would make things harder for me. We do what works for us. There are people who sit up all night with lights on or the TV. Some who sleep in their hubby's recliner. For me, sleeping has never been a problem, except I stay up til early morning and then sleep late.

We all understand about the feelings of being overwhelmed and sad. Living on auto-pilot, in a fog. It's okay and it's normal. I know it's impossible to see now, but things will get better. Nothing will ever be the same, but you will find a new "normal" and you will find joy again. You are not a stranger here, you are part of the family and you are loved. Our Fran will post soon, I'm sure, and she will send you HUGS. Nobody gives them quite like she does.

Come anytime, just to let us know how you are, or vent in this safe place.

snappy

[snappyfrappy]

Oh MamaS, thank you for posting. If you don't know if you were missed, just read back at all the posts where we call out to you to please let us know how you are! We have all been so worried and everyone will be grateful to hear from you. What a relief!

Thank you for your interest in my DD and the accident. She seems fine. Is going to her doc today just fo a checkup in case there's something she should report to the insurance company, and tomorrow she has her eye checked to make sure the retina didn't suffer from the jolt of being hit from behind, but we are all grateful she and her friend are okay.

Sorry you are overwhelmed with things to do, but maybe it's good. Have you heard from your girls? I pray for you and the older one to make peace and that you will find a friend.

Please come back often, we love you so much Mama.

snappy

[snappyfrappy]

10grands, you and I lost our hubbies about the same time. It's nearly 5 years for me. Or yesterday. Thank you for your interest in my DD. The car is in the shop. They estimate it taking 3 weeks for fix, but she is sure it will be longer. She has a rental right now.

Tomorrow she sees the retinol specialist, but that's routine. She will be relieved if he doesn't see any further bleeding so she doesn't need another shot.

Glad you have a little relief from the heat. It's in the 80s here today but a nice breeze coming in through the open door. Take care of yourself.

snappy