Among Friends

[Mom2Dogs]

@circles, I noticed your response to the op about funeral viewing.

My husband I both want to be creamted, no service.  If you have been thru this with your family how did you handle the remains and did your family gather at all....sorry if I am being to personal...obviously feel free to not answer me.

My family is very small, my husband is the last surviving sibling on his side, his parents are gone, he does have two children and 3 grandkids. My thought is for a grave side service and then to a local establishment for us to gather, share a meal, talk about our memories, etc.  When we talk about it it seems a bit cold but it is what we want but I do not know of anyone that has done this and any feed back would be appreciated.

We need/want to get our plans in writing.  Thank you

[magnus]

Just wanted to respond and let you know my experience with this. My husband passed away 6 months ago and his wish was to be cremated and his ashes brought home to be buried later with mine.  As a Catholic I wanted to have a funeral mass , which is what we did. After the mass we gathered at a local club and spent the rest of the day with friends and family telling our many stories of his life.The immediate family then went to our daughter's house  to spend the evening together and have some quite time with the grandkids. It was a good way to honor him and comply with his wishes.

[Mom2Dogs]

@magnus...thanks for sharing and my sympathies at the loss of your husband.  It sounds like you had a lovely service for him.

My dh is quite a bit older than I am....I know a person can die at any time...but chances are he will go before I do....I say that only because of age difference.  I have very little family. he has very little family.  I am sure I don't want the whole viewing, funeral,  thing (for either of us)   We are both pretty private, I just don't know how to do a cremation only...not having some kind of service seems odd.

[henderson]

To those who are considering cremation.  Please consider a whole body donation to Science Care.  The ashes will be returned to you.  Everything is free if you donate and many funeral homes work with Science Care.  I've signed up for it.

[DrKelli]

@Mom2Dogs, my dad was 17 years older than my mom.  He passed away in 2011.  He was cremated and there were no services.  The funeral home arranged for direct placement to the VA cemetery in Arizona.  My mom has the same wishes.  As the oldest kid--I'm okay with that decision.

[cherry]

@Mom2Dogs  If you want a service and aren't affiliated with a church, I think ,the funeral home will find someone for you if you ask them

[tobes]

My beloved niece from our extended family asked to be cremated - her cremated remains were  at the funeral home where the family received friends prior to the mass the same day.  After mass, we held a luncheon for the guests and family.  We agreed on a date some three months later weather permitting to travel as a family to Mt. Washington with her ashes.  We all stayed at an inn in New Hampshire and the next morning carried her ashes to the top of Mt. Washington....some people hiked and others drove to the top.  My niece was a excellent rock climber and loved climbing mountains, etc.  Her ashes were strewn into the wind at the apex of Mt. Washington.  We said prayers.  The family, her rockclimbing friends and others spend the night again at the inn and had a wonderful dinner remembering my niece and all the memories we have of her.  Some immediate members kept some of her ashes.  

[Mom2Dogs]

@cherry...we do belong to a church but we do not have a large circle of friends.....

[cherry]

You could still have a small service. or even one at the grave. It needn't be a big gathering

When my mother was burried .we had a graveside service. Her 90 something sister was attending so .I asked the pastor to make it brief, because she was very unsteady on her feet.  He did, we just said the Lords Prayer

[Mary Bailey]

I'm all for a wake or some sort of memorial so the survivors can reminisce.

At my Dad's wake we were told very kind stories of things that my Dad did for people, or how much  he meant to them.  That was worth hearing.

Maybe a decade ago a dear HS friend passed away. I left my cousin's baby shower to go to his wake. (my sister gave me grief for leaving)  I told his widow that, he had told me when he saw her walk down the isle at their wedding, he was moved to tears, because she was beautiful  She didn't know that and it made her really happy.

My brother's BIL/best friend knew he was dying and had a party at his home so he could see them all one last time.   I think that is a wonderful idea.  (DH thinks it's creepy)  I would do it if I knew I was dying.  My brother says it was a great party & he has good memories. 

I want to be cremated.  I'm Catholic so I would like a service.  My MIL had her ashes buried under a headstone.