Among Friends

[on the bay]

I've always thought I would want to go to a senior living or assisted living place-I wouldn't want my children to have to take care of me or worry about me and I would probably like being around others and knowing I was safe.

I think some people just fight against this idea and that is sad for them and their families.

I don't think the idea of living at home when you are older and either by yourself or as a couple and can do less and less and not be safe is such a desirable way to live.

[DiAnne]

Assisted living is usually just that.  A little help with remembering medications.  It is usually a one bedroom or two bedroom unit without a kitchen.  They go to eat in a dining room.  The facility is not locked nor is there 24 hour RN staffing.  Usually a nurses aide at night.  They are not usually for Alzheimer patients.  

[KathyPet]

VArious facilities offer different types of help.  SOme are assisted living only with no special floor or areas for patients with dementia.  Others offer a full range of arrangements from assisted living to memory care units to skilled nursing all in one facility.  Family of the elderly need to determine with help from their relatives doctor exactly what care level is needed for their loved one.  

ELderly relatives who are angry or resentful when they need a specialized facility are IMHO very selfish.  THey do not care about the stress and strain they are putting on family members who are trying to do their best for them often while holding down jobs and raising their own families.  My father had Parkinson's disease and could not be left alone because he would fall.  He was in a assisted living facility but eventually needed more monitoring then they could,provide.  I moved him in with my husband and our two children who were 8 and 10 at that time.  I had a full time job and arranged with a home health care agency to have someone come in every day from 8:30 AM to 5:30 PM.   I cannot tell you the number of times I was left sitting at home at 9 AM calling the agency because no one had shown up.  ALmost every day it was someone new coming in and that was hard on my father.  DUring the evening and on weekends either my husband or I had to remain at home with him.  WE couldn't both go to our kids sporting events or school events in the evenings or even go out to dinner as a family.  FInally it just was eating away at me affecting my job, our families mental health.  I really had no other choice but to put him in a nursing facility.  THank goodness he understood and did not object.  HE settled in quite nicely and they took good care of him.  HEck there were times I would go to visit and he would tell me he didn't have time to talk to me because he had to meet "the guys" in the patient lounge to watch a sporting event or play poker.  HE lived there for slightly over a year before he died.

[Financialgrl]

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@blackhole99 wrote:

 All the assisted living homes in my area will not accept people who cannot care for themselves or have serious medical issues. So someone with alzeheimer's disease who wouldn't know to ask for help and would try to escape or would wander away would not be accepted.

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BF was dx with moderate Alzheimers 3 years ago. Almost ALL of the assisted living facilities here have a "memory care unit".  Even after being dx with moderate Alzheimers he was allowed to remain in assisted living as long as he could feed and dress himself and was not considered having a risk of wandering.  Once that happened he was transitioned to the memory care wing. 

Memory care where he is - is the exact same as assisted living - they have their own rooms but they are in a locked wing so they can't just wander - anyone can visit but must sign in and be escorted onto and off the floor to let you in and when you are ready to leave.  They still have their own rooms, he still has a small dorm refrigerator but he now has a daily aide - for helping with dressing and showering.  The basic difference between the two "sides" of the facility is the cost - assisted living was much much cheaper.  I think his daughter said she now pays close to $5000 a month in memory care.  The best part was she never had to "move" him per se - he was quickly just whisked to the new floor and the staff rotates where they work so many of his caretakers were the same as he had in the other section.   This made for a very smooth transition.

[missy1]

Does medicare pay for this care if the person has no money? These places are expensive.

[proudlyfromNJ]

@Financialgrl. My parents assisted living had the same scenario. As soon as they saw my Mom needed more care for the Alzheimer's, she went to the memory care part of the home. 

[catwhisperer]

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@missy1 wrote:

Does medicare pay for this care if the person has no money? These places are expensive.

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@missy1....no it does not.

[missy1]

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@catwhisperer wrote:

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@missy1 wrote:

Does medicare pay for this care if the person has no money? These places are expensive.

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@missy1....no it does not.

That is scary.

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[catwhisperer]

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@missy1 wrote:

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@catwhisperer wrote:

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@missy1 wrote:

Does medicare pay for this care if the person has no money? These places are expensive.

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@missy1....no it does not.

That is scary.

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@missy1...yes it is. DH was in the hospital several months ago. The doctors wanted to place him in a nursing home, but we have no money and Medicare does not cover it. He didn't qualify for Medi-Cal (Medicaid in other states). So, they placed him on Hospice and sent him home for me to take care of.

[Financialgrl]

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@missy1 wrote:

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@catwhisperer wrote:

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@missy1 wrote:

Does medicare pay for this care if the person has no money? These places are expensive.

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@missy1....no it does not.

That is scary.

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This is why the whole Long Term Care industry cropped up.  Insurance companies expected big profits and never took into account how expensive healthcare would be so now after taking premiums from ppl for many years many insurance companies no longer offer it.  I have it but my insurance provider is no longer taking on any new contracts and every few years I have the option of paying more or raising my share of the deductible thresholds.    

I have two friends (neither they nor their parents) have the kind of money needed for a halfway decent place and are in Medicaid facilities (you have to have little to no assets).  Good luck finding a facility that accepts Medicaid (AND if you do they rarely have availability and I've gone with my friends when they visited their parents and I'd not allow a loved one to go into either).  BF is in a private facility and his daughter is vigilent and visits randomly and makes sure her presence is seen coming and going a lot (sadly there are many old ppl that get shoved into these and family rarely visit). She holds meetings with staff and is still angry at some of the things she sees in his place (and this is one of the better private ones).