@Shanus wrote:
@151949 wrote:
@missy1 wrote:
@151949 wrote:
@missy1 wrote:
@occasionalrain wrote:
The mother role ends when a child becomes an adult. Mothers and fathers graduate to trusted advisers and perhaps bondsmen.
Some mothers do not want to give up their role, they can't face no longer being needed and try to keep their child dependant. It does disservice to the child.
A mother feeds, clothes, protects, teaches her child, an adult has no more need of that.
A mother's role doesn't end when they become an adult. Many adult children are living a their parents home for many years.
Isn't the main role of the parent to teach & prepare the children to live independant of them? If my child was still living at home for many years after finishing school I think I'd feel I failed as a parent. However, occasionally there are unique situations that are an exception to that - for instance my DH had to stay home & support his mom because she was too young for SS and had no skills to get a decent paying job. If he had not stayed with her & supported her, she wouldn't have had enough money to live decently.But the child was supporting the parent, not the other way around.
Times have changed. Housing is no longer affordable, jobs are not good paying, college doesn't guarantee one a good job, and many have huge college.
And yet I find that those of my friends who raised their kids well the kids get jobs right out of college , and are soon out on their own, living as adults who are contributing to society.Those who are still at home on mom's couch - you could have predicted that since they were 10 years old.
@151949. You can decide when a child is 10 whether or not they’ll be on their own by 21? Wow! What a gift!
My Dh has a close friend - they have been best friends since kindergarten.His friend is a widower and he raised his 4 kids alone.Gave them all an education after high school - trade school or college. 3 went out on their own post school - got jobs - got apartments etc. But that one - a boy - just wouldn't even look for a job - he has an MBA paid for by his Dad. Just out drinking at night and sleeping all day. The dad said - he has been like this since first grade. My wife would have to literally drag him out of bed to go to school, and a few times sent him in pajamas because he would not get dressed. Finally, the Dad started dragging him out of bed and forcing him out the door in the morning - sometimes still in his pajamas, then locking the house so he couldn't get back in.The first few weeks the Dad, who rode the bus to work, would find him sleeping in the car in the driveway when he came home. So Dad started driving to work, but would find the son sleeping in the back yard, lying in the grass when he got home. The dad was at his wits end , but said I should have known - this is how he has always been.This isn't anything new.Eventually the dad closed all the kids bank accounts etc so he had no access to any money and kicked him out totally, and the kid got a job. BUT the job was selling tickets at a sport arena. After the Dad had spent all that money on the kid's MBA. Anyway, after he got that job the dad let him come back home. That was 20 years ago - that kid still lives with his dad, still selling tickets for minimum wage.The dad always says - I should have known this would be his lifestyle - he hasn't changed since first grade.
