I took care of both my parents as their sole caregiver a few years ago. My Mom had heart issues and passed away, and two years later, my Dad had been diagnosed with cancer and passed away. I was their advocate, their support and took care of their needs. I was assertive in asking questions and if the doctors weren't responding as they should, I would find every way possible to get answers.
I have a friend who at 61 (my same age) is blessed that both her parents are still alive. Her father and mother are both 88. The father has multiple health issues, the mother is starting to show dementia signs. My friend is married, no children. Her mother takes her father to all his appointments, not my friend. Both parents have lied to my friend after a fall, afraid to tell her because they know she's so busy.
I moved in with my parents when my mom got sick and was with my dad until he passed. I saw it all. I caught my dad once when he almost fell, I bathed my mom when she couldn't do it after open heart surgery, and I helped my father in so many ways in his last 6 months. I went with them to doctor appointments to hear what the doctors told them. I was their advocate, plain and simple.
This friend texted me yesterday to say her dad went into atrial fibrillation the previous night and they were concerned. She said they contacted his Mayo Clinic cardiologist via portal message because she said, "Mayo doctors don't give out phone numbers, you can only send a portal message." I was stunned.
I texted her later to ask what the doctor said and she said her father hadn't heard back yet. That was 24 hours later! If that was my father, I'd get him to the ER. She said she wasn't going to check on him until the morning. I asked her this morning if the doctor got back to him, she said no they are still waiting!!! I worked in a hospital years ago, this didn't sound right. I called Mayo Clinic (I'm still a caregiver at heart) and asked if they had rules that patients aren't allowed to call cardiologists and only leave portal messages. The woman I talked to said absolutely no. If it's after hours, then call the main line and an on-call doctor will call back. She said the portal has been known to crash.
I don't know where my friend is getting this information, I suspect from the father who isn't correct. My friend is an intelligent woman at work and in her life. She's religious, college educated, very much into health and knows all the names of certain meds and what not. Yet she's relying on a portal message at the expense of her father's health.
I'm flabbergasted. If that were my father, I'd couldn't let all this time go by just waiting and thinking that was ok. I don't know if I should tell her I contacted Mayo myself and she needs to place a call or go to their ER opened 24/7! Sometimes people don't like you to tell them what to do.
I can't believe how cavelier she is. If he has a stroke or worse, it could have been prevented.
Thanks for taking time to read my post.