What can I do for my friend?

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

I have a dear friend who lives 3,000 miles away. Her 45 year old daughter went to one of those anti-wrinkle injection parties and allowed a self-professed practitioner to inject her face with heaven-knows-what. The daughter is now in excruciating pain because her skin burns all the time. She cannot go out in the sun at all. The effect has been devastating. She is having a complete mental breakdown.

i've been talking and emailing my friend. I advised her to ask her son and daughter-in-law, who are both physicians, to use their clout to get her daughter the help she needs. I also asked if they can find out exactly what was injected and where it came from. All the daughter has done was to make an appointment with her internist for next week so she can get the proper referrals....neurologist, pain clinic, dermatologist, psychiatrist.

My problem is that my friend is so worried and upset that when I have said or written anything, she lashes out at me. Among other things, she tells me I don't understand how serious the situation is and that she has no other choice but to wait until her daughter sees her internist. I see that anything I say or write will provide my friend with an opportunity to vent but I don't want to be attacked. I get it...no advice, no more suggestions,

I just got over a serious MRSA infection and have other significant health issues that I'm dealing with but I told my friend that when we speak on the phone I will say nothing about my health so that we can focus on her daughter. So what can I do? What should I say or write to her? I find myself saying "I'm so sorry." Is that all I can do?Of course I am terribly sorry for her daughter but I don't like being chastised at every turn.

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

I think you said it best....no more advice or suggestions, just listen and be her sounding board.

I don't understnd why women do these things to themselves, just to try to fight a losing battle.

Especially at a 'home party,' where she probably has no idea of the person's credentials or expertise, who administered whatever they injected. She should have seen a licensed Doctor.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

gmkb · ‎07-29-2012

It is difficult not to give advice when someone tells you about a problem. I am guilty of giving advice also. But I also believe when someone tells you of their problem, advice is the last thing they want. They are looking for a sympathetic ear for the most part.

I was thinking about the poster last week who wrote at length about the problem she was having with her husband. My first reaction was to give advice because I had experienced a similar problem. Most people gave advice and a few just expressed compassion. My guess is she took no one's advice, but was comforted by the "I'm sorry you are going through this now" responses.

Iwantcoffee · ‎03-11-2010

I agree with IG, just listen.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

I guess I'm upset by my friend's attacks because of some of her reactions to problems I had. When I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer several years ago she said, "You're lucky because you have the good cancer." It sure didn't feel that way but I didn't say anything because she meant well. When I was diagnosed with MRSA she actually wrote, "Goody! You have a diagnosis." Again, I kept quiet because I know she didn't mean to hurt me. I suppose I was hoping for her to be a little more tolerant of my remarks. I guess I wound up on that road to you-know-where with my good intentions.

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

@Vivian Florimond wrote:
I have a dear friend who lives 3,000 miles away. Her 45 year old daughter went to one of those anti-wrinkle injection parties and allowed a self-professed practitioner to inject her face with heaven-knows-what. The daughter is now in excruciating pain because her skin burns all the time. She cannot go out in the sun at all. The effect has been devastating. She is having a complete mental breakdown.

i've been talking and emailing my friend. I advised her to ask her son and daughter-in-law, who are both physicians, to use their clout to get her daughter the help she needs. I also asked if they can find out exactly what was injected and where it came from. All the daughter has done was to make an appointment with her internist for next week so she can get the proper referrals....neurologist, pain clinic, dermatologist, psychiatrist.

My problem is that my friend is so worried and upset that when I have said or written anything, she lashes out at me. Among other things, she tells me I don't understand how serious the situation is and that she has no other choice but to wait until her daughter sees her internist. I see that anything I say or write will provide my friend with an opportunity to vent but I don't want to be attacked. I get it...no advice, no more suggestions,

I just got over a serious MRSA infection and have other significant health issues that I'm dealing with but I told my friend that when we speak on the phone I will say nothing about my health so that we can focus on her daughter. So what can I do? What should I say or write to her? I find myself saying "I'm so sorry." Is that all I can do?Of course I am terribly sorry for her daughter but I don't like being chastised at every turn.

There is nothing you can say, your friend is angry as the daughter brought on the situation herself.

Next time say your daughter needs professional help, I can't help your or her. I am not a Dr.

hoosieroriginal · ‎03-04-2012

Good advice- but she was seriously dumb for attending a party like that - I hope she sues the SOB that did that - it probably was something other in that needle than what she was told or she had an allergic reaction. We need to keep these people off the streets. Women need to make better decisions - it's not worth it.

Nataliesgramma · ‎03-28-2015

I think al you can do rigttow is let her vent and just listen....

Kardi · ‎05-20-2010

" You can't control what others do, only what you do." This has become my motto as I have gotten older. After raising my kids, watching my grandkids grow up and dealing with friends and assorted and sundry relatives deal with every problem under the sun I have realized that most of the time even when they ask, they don't want and won't take your advice. Just listen.