Among Friends

[Carmie]

I would have invited them in and insisted they spend the night.

We, in America are very different than our European neighbors.  When I grew up, we had many people who just " got off the boat"  or plane from Italy and showed up at our door. Some were family and some were friends of our family members.

They were always invited in, given a meal, hungry or not, and they spent the night or sometimes a few nights.  Then my father would call other family members who would stop over to meet them and possibly find them a place to stay with other family members in another area...mostly Philadelphia if they wanted to visit in that area. We lived closer to Harrisburg.

It is not unusual for this to happen at all in my family.  When we visit Europe or Australia, we are also invited in as well..even with no warning.  When we name drop...especially my father's name, all is okay.  Everyone has heard of my father...his kindness is legendary in the small town in Italy where his father was born.

I, and my family still follow our old customs handed down through the generations.  We are very family oriented.  

I know that few people are like us, but I am happy that I do it without fear.   There is so much to be gained by welcoming family even if they are strangers.

[hckynut]

@J Town Girl

I would do exactly what you did. Difference? Why would I care, what people I do not know, think of me?  Don't even care what people I do know think of my decisions. You owe them zip/zero/nada!

hckynut(john)

[Catty2]

I think you and your husband handled it perfectly. 

[ECBG]

I would be uncomfortable with this situation as well.  The time of evening they came by was too late to visit in my opinion.

I would have visited at the gate and said good evening.

[Snowpuppy]

@Carmie when I was little and living with my Gram, I recall some of those visits from "off the boat" relatives as well.

Passing thru to their settlement town, my Gram would get a telegram....long distance phone calls were too expensive.  She would cook and we would dress up to greet them and sit down to dinner.

Even today, my BIL & SIL who are first generation Americans still keep many traditions alive. His name opens a door in the community, too.

[MarkeieMark]

I would have been like Anne Bancroft in The Graduate... 'Exucse me, hello Police, we have an intruder at our house'.

[Carmie]

@Snowpuppy Those were really good days and bring pleasant memories to mind.

One of my old neighbors who had seven children of her own would go down to the train station every day and pick up young girls who would come to America on their own knowing no one. They did not speak English either.

They would come to the town where I was raised because jobs were plentiful.  The dirty old men would go there too and promise these girls a good home.  My neighbor would not allow the girls to go with them...instead she would allow them to sleep on her LR floor until she could find a safe place for them.  Some of these girls were only 15 or 16.

Times sure have changed. Life is more complicated now.

[persiflage]

@J Town Girl  I think the way you handled it was perfect.  I would have concerns bringing people into our home without being able to know their background. 

[stevieb]

Once they explained who they were, I would have probably invited them in for a cup of coffee or tea, as inconvenient as that might have been. I would not have jumped to invite them to stay over but might have reconsidered my choices once having actually met them, other than through the security gate... I don't relish unexpected visits but I also don't consider 830 to be inordinately late and also understand that people from many other countries are a good bit less formal and less congnizant of 'security' than, it appears, are many Americans... Clearly, they knew enough about the family that I wouldn't have immediately assumed their visit was nefarious but just as clearly they were apparently a bit naive to assume they would be warmly welcomed...

[haddon9]

Wow what an interesting story!

I would have done the same thing that you did....not invite them in.  However I would have been both annoyed that they didn't get in touch first and at the same time felt a bit guilty that I wasn't more welcoming....

They weren't from the "old" country.  They were a young couple from Canada.  What makes them think that they can just pop in at a stranger's house at any time?  To me that's rude!

My husband has family in California that I've never met.  However they send us a Christmas "newsletter" which is really a brag rag each year.  It often goes into great detail (many pages) of what they are all doing (successfully mind you!) We find it entertaining.  Yet I wouldn't know these people if I passed them on the street.

I could NEVER imagine just stopping by their house at any time of day without contacting them first!...and these are relatives.  This young couple that showed up at your door were related to a woman who lived next door to your father in law's sister!....really?!!

Seems to me they probalby have a list of people & addresses across the country where they think they might be able to crash for a night.