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08-08-2020 04:22 PM - edited 08-08-2020 04:23 PM
I laughed when you said we don't think to ask the guy we are dating if they keep a tidy garage.
Yep, if I had just looked at DH's family history of saving things, I'd have seen the writing on the wall. Stuff took root where it was left. Projects left undone lived where they were last placed.
His mother had boxes of stuff moved from house to house to house. She died without ever unpacking them.
His whole family is like this...things just stay where they are and never disappear.
Like you, this is a point of conflict for us. I cannot speak to him about it because he digs in his heels and gets defensive.
That's why I keep my plan of what will happen in my head when/if the time comes.
My concern now is that he's getting older and the "saving" is getting worse. As long as he's got a spot for putting things down, they never leave.
It's an illness, I think.
08-08-2020 04:31 PM
@Group 5 minus 1 et al, I can relate to so many comments here. I will start the purge again in the Fall after I put my garden to bed. I am the minimalist is our family. Getting DH to part with anything is tough. We did a pretty good job about three years ago. We put a good dent into indoors. Time to have another go at it.
Right now, I am having a go at my yard. Yes, outside! We live on almost 2 acres. We have been here 15/years now. This is our retirement home which we built and I love.
During our financial planning, we discussed how long we were to stay here and we plan to stay as long as we can. We must however do a job on the yard. DH is crazy about trees. Everything here is mature. The ornamental trees we planted 15 years ago have grown beyond my expectation. The trees have started to block views from the house to the lake, from the street to the house, etc. After a major difficult discussion we have started tree removal.
This week in the front, we took out five large trees. There is a question mark on another two. We photograph, remove, take another photo and repeat. In the back, we have removed three so far. One more definitely to go. View planes have opened up, sunlight is flooding in, it looks lovely.
Who would have thought my current purge would be outdoors? I am happy to have made this progress. Next step is to continue consolidation of gardens. We are now still able to do these tasks but the time will come when that is not the case!
Good luck everyone on your efforts to streamline, especially when it involves a reluctant partner! Your comments motivate me to continue. LM
08-08-2020 05:11 PM
@Witchy Woman wrote:
If you could see my husband's garage, you would probably faint! He is a builder and still working. Not only does he have every auto tool known to mankind, he has duplicates. And, he has work-related items that he has gathered over the years. This includes many vehicles and large building equipment.
In all fairness, he uses most things, but it really has gotten out of control. And, he saves EVERYTHING!
I cannot go into his work area without getting queazy.
Like you, I think of what will happen if he's suddenly gone and I have to get rid of things.
This is how I resolved it in my mind.
I've told him that I'd call his best friend and give him the first chance to take what he wants. After that, I'll have an auctioneer come and clean the place out to the bare walls.
What cannot be sold/auctioned, will be removed for junk.
Just having a plan helps me deal with it mentally.
For my own part, I have been purging/cleaning our large home for several years and still doing so. No children and my two nieces are not interested in inheriting anything I have.
The things I used for entertaining just remind me of days gone by that will never come again. I find no comfort in having "extras" of anything. It's an endless process of getting rid of stuff.
Unlike me, my husband just goes day to day and doesn't let it bother him. I wish I could do the same!
That's exactly what I did when my husband died.
Since he's been gone is the first time I've been able to walk through the garage with the cars inside without twisting sideways!😆
08-08-2020 05:35 PM
OMG! Stuff? Junk? Stuff?!!
I'm not a hoarder but I have (in the past hopefully) bought so much (mainly QVC and/or HSN) stuff I didn't even open some of the boxes.
That was how I dealt with the split second death of my husband. He was always after me to buy myself clothes, it wasn't important to me. So when he died I decided I'd never wear another stripped shirt and very seldom jeans. I've kept to it.
When my daughter came here (now over 4 months ago) to help me with my broken back....she took over.
She has totally reorganized my house and gotten rid of all of the clothes I don't wear, many were still in the plastic it came in.
She has ordered and has it sitting in my house (so I don't have to carry it) big bags of birdseed, suet (things like that).
I was hauling cases of water up 2 flights of stairs about every week and a half. She called Culligan and now it's delivered to my house every 2 weeks (the bottles for the water dispenser), so many things like that. Things that makes my life easier.
I put everything off. I just live with it. It's not about the money, it's about finding someone who will do the chore, do it right and move on.
Now my master bathroom is being totally 'redone'. All of my toilets (4 of them) are being replaced. Lots of new tile and bla bla.
She set it up to have the people come. My front steps and porch needed to be replaced. We found a bricklayer and I'm finally getting the porch and steps like I've always wanted.
I guess I'm posting all this junk to maybe make someone who's like me (putting stuff off) to realize if I can do it they can too.
I always say, my picture would be next to the word "procrastinator'. I find it all boring (anything to do with decorating).
You'd have thought I was giving birth picking out tile just for one bathroom. I finally pointed to one and said, "That's it...Let's go with that".
I love the way some of you ladies are so good at recognizing good designs.
I've given away at least now 28 huge trash bags full of clothes.
Now if I could just make my severe back pain even a little better.......I'd like to be more of a contributer to life rather than just existing.
Fingers crossed ladies.
08-08-2020 05:45 PM
I stopped working 5 years ago. I was just overwhelmed at all the stuff that was around. I was so overwhelmed I didn't know where or how to start. One morning I remembered what my dad told me shortly before he died - having a little was more than enough. I got back to that. I did one room at a time. It took several months to get through the entire house. Man, does it feel good. My Daddy was right.
08-08-2020 07:15 PM
Could I borrow your daughter for a few weeks? I need someone exactly like her to help me get rid of stuff and organize what's left.
I hope you get to feeling better soon.
08-08-2020 07:24 PM
I was watching a new episode of "Hoarders" the other day, and I was thinking: I've donated lots of really nice, almost brand new items over the years, and I hope they didn't end up in a hoarder's house just to get rat waste, mold, etc., all over them. I always hope they will go to a "good home."
08-08-2020 10:14 PM
@Witchy Woman So you're saying I'm not alone? I should have caught on when hubs told me on first date that someone could eat off of my dad's garage floor. I thought - why would someone want to do that? Dad's garage door was open and he noticed all tools were hung up - even bicycles. Garage was swept out. Walls were painted. In-laws couldn't park cars in garage. The shed in their backyard was full. Hubs is now 80% better than his folks. It's that 20% that make me hum the old Sanford & Sons TV theme song to him.
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