Re: Thanksgiving Dinner Left Me Saddened

Sheila P-Burg · ‎10-10-2019

@Katcat1 ....Thank you for your opinion. And, as you said it is your opinion and I respect your right to have it. There is no time frame for a grieving period. My husband died 12 years ago November 2 and I still mourn his loss. The same as at times I mourn the loss of my parents and sister. Do I need a professional help. No. One of my best friends is a Psychologist and if I did she would definitely be the first to tell me. I miss him and I mourn his loss but I still live my live. He would want me to. Most days I am happy and carefree. Then there are days like the holidays where the memories come forward and I am reminded of what I have lost. To me that just reflects how much I loved him.

As you say, what goes around comes around. It is known as Karma.

stargazergal · ‎02-18-2016

@qvcaddition wrote:
@BunSnoop
@BunSnoop wrote:
Won't go into a long story........ my brother hardly ever sees his 2 sons. One lives in the same state as my brother (about 20 miles away) the other lives in another state. A divorce was involved and the two boys "sided" with their mom. She brainwashed the boys against my brother. My brother is a good man.

During the Thanksgiving dinner, a friend they invited, asked him if he's heard from the two boys. He got very upset and raised his voice (almost yelling) and said he did not want to talk about it, etc. I know it hurts him that the boys do not stay in touch with him, but I think it really bothers him during the holiday.

We left his house just feeling very sad. I think I'll just give him a call tonight (won't mention the "topic"), and thank him for the dinner, etc.

Holidays are not the best for everyone.

They can be very sad for those of us that spend it alone. Im, in good standing with my son,s, but my daughter and I don,t speak. She now gives all the holiday dinners, big home and can afford it. I am in my 80,A and spend the holidays alone , but with my best friend, my dog.

Everyone goes to her home. I have grandkids that I really did a lot for money, recently shelter, and when they were young, took to Disney land, etc. Last year, one was going to put his dog to sleep, but had me watch it for two weeks while they, (his wife, daughter) went to Hawaii. I brought it to vet. Got everything it needed to live again, hand fed it, meds, and it started walking again, became healthy. That,s my daughter,s son, so she doesn,t talk to me, now neither does he. The other grandson, my oldest son,(60),came to stay with me when he was forced to leave his house. I don,t hear from him either. My daughter is the matriarch of the family and no one wants to get on her bad side, so I am left alone most of the time on holidays.
I have a busy life otherwise and healthy and go and do many thing. Volunteer, teach Seniors exercise. Take care of my home and garden, so I don,t mope around with a sad face. It,s just holiday,s are hard and the lack of love and respect for a Grandma and Great Grandma that cared so much through the years. Only one son called and wished me HT. He lives40 miles away. The. Daughter and other son, one mile. Ha, the wives also have gotten a lot of QVC stuff from me. Even recently. I,m told by friends, forget them. Really? It,s very hard at the holidays at my age. Get they can forget about me. I miss my family that are all deceased noe. Our big holiday dinners, sitting around the table, then playing games. Going back, eating dessert, playing more games, talking to one another, no devices or TV on, just enjoying one another.
So yes Holiday,s are rough with no family that cares for you.

You sound like an Amazing Wonderful Loving Caring Mom and Grandmother

I am sending you the Biggest Hug from me. I am sorry to hear that your

children are not acknowledging you as they should , especially around the

Holidays, it would be disheartning , why does your daughter not speak to you ?

Is it something that has gone on for a long time..... or ? I am baffled as

to why your children are not speaking with you..... what could be their problem

do you have any idea ? It sounds very disrespectful and hurtful.

You have wonderful memories, and

maybe you can make some new ones in your home with a few close friends

around this Holiday time. Your story about taking care of the dog and bringing

it back to health says so much about you. You have a Huge Heart .

I am glad that you have a dog also, to keep you company. What kind of dog

is it ? My husband and I have a Rescue Senior Siberian Husky, and a

Senior Lab mix.

Your staying busy with Volunteering and gardening and you have your

dog is very helpful. I wish you the very best in the future with your

family. Please though..... in the future if it were me, I would hold off

on gift buying and just send cards perhaps with messages of

heartfelt wishes, I would leave it at that for now. You have done

plenty. I hope you have a Wonderful Holiday , perhaps you can

spend it with someone who needs a friend this time of year as well.

Sending you a Huge Hug

stargazergal · ‎02-18-2016

@BunSnoop wrote:
Won't go into a long story........ my brother hardly ever sees his 2 sons. One lives in the same state as my brother (about 20 miles away) the other lives in another state. A divorce was involved and the two boys "sided" with their mom. She brainwashed the boys against my brother. My brother is a good man.

During the Thanksgiving dinner, a friend they invited, asked him if he's heard from the two boys. He got very upset and raised his voice (almost yelling) and said he did not want to talk about it, etc. I know it hurts him that the boys do not stay in touch with him, but I think it really bothers him during the holiday.

We left his house just feeling very sad. I think I'll just give him a call tonight (won't mention the "topic"), and thank him for the dinner, etc.

Holidays are not the best for everyone.

Well he is obviously missing his boys and this time of year would especially

be hard. They are an extention of him and always will be. So you said the

mom brainwashed the boys to be with mom ? Sadness for the boys for sure.

Might I ask how are they in two different states , I am a little confused.

Is there any way that he can try to make contact at a later date to try to see

them. If she thinks that she ( the mom ) is punishing her husband , your

brother, she is dead wrong. She is punishing the children. I do not

know the reason for the divorce. ( Physical or Mental Abuse ?) Than

that is a different story. But if he is a good man..... he has every right to

see his boys. Perhaps somehow in the future, he and maybe your side

of the family can try to make arrangements for something like that to

happen. I feel sorry for the boys..... their father is grieving and I am

sure they are too..... in their own way. Thats hard...... and it's sad.

qvcaddition · ‎03-10-2010

To the wonderful people here who have sent their best to me, THANK YOU. I accept the hugs and grateful for your kind answers. With my daughter it is a long story. Every couple of years she will see me walking or in a store, say hello and it seems like everything Ok, then off she goes again not talking. Something she never has the time to sit and talk it over. Not her childhood, because she would not have taken all that I had to give in her adult life and for her children. The son that comes and helps me said he doesn,t understand it, but the boys don,t want to get involved. She is the Matriarch who gives all the Holiday dinners. I had to stop a few years ago.

I,m Ok most of the time and keep busy. In fact not enough time in the day with all I have to do in home with dog, exercise classes, volunteering and friends. I have had invitations during holidays, and sometime I go. My friend of 60 years has known the situation Abe is furious about the treatments from family, because she has been there all these years and can,t understand it either. I have let it go most of the time. Fine today. Raked up leaves, walked dog,went to gym, and watched "The Irishman" . I,m ok. Thank you all.

Katcat1 · ‎07-21-2011

@Sheila P-Burg Of course I still think of my parents and sometimes will bring tears to my eyes and make me sad but the sadness goes away after I cry. Anger is not a good thing to carry around so that is why I say professional help. Also, yes grieving period is different for everyone but if you are crying uncontrollably for several days after one year, I believe it's a good idea to talk to someone.

kindness is strength

Sheila P-Burg · ‎10-10-2019

@Katcat1 ... I have to agree anger is not a good thing and the person needs to find a way of coping with it.

I also agree that if someone is crying "uncontrollably for several days" after a year they need to talk to someone. If that is the case it would appear there is more going on with that person than a "grieving period". Those symptoms sound more like depression.

Tinkerbell3 · ‎03-10-2010

THey are also your nephew's. Are you in touch with them,?

BunSnoop · ‎05-22-2010

No, I have not been in touch with them either since the divorce. When they got married, I was not invited to the weddings, but I still sent both a check and wrote that I hoped we could still stay in touch, I'd love to meet their wife, etc. I received a thank you and nothing more. Guess they played their cards wrong as we have no children. When we pass away we would of left everything to them.

Out of the blue, after not seeing the boys for about 10 years, both of the boys arranged separately to meet my brother for lunch. This must of been suggested by the x-wife, as the first thing one of his son's said to him while shaking his hand "Hi, Dad - how are you? Are you still working - when do you plan on retiring? My brother did not give him anytime frame. He said he enjoys working and had no idea how many more years he'd continue to work before retiring.

So then a few months later, the 2nd son contacted him for lunch. I guess the x-wife wanted to see if he could get a better answer with exactly how many more years he planned to work as that son waitied a little bit longer (about 15 minutes) and then brought up "when are you retiring"?

The x-wife apparently wanted to know when he was retiring as she would get a part of his pension ($1,000 a month) that had accrued while they were married-apparently she was getting tired of waiting.

After that luncheon, my brother tried calling the son that lives closer about getting together for a BBQ, etc. None of his phone calls were answered or the messages that he left. On Facebook my brother see's that the other son comes to this area during the holidays to visit his wife's family. My brother contacted him via facebook and phone and said since he's in the area, let's plan to try to meet. That son never answered those attempt.

Since those two luncheons, neither son has had any contact with him. My brother could of retired at age 55, but he is retiring this year at age 65. Based on his age, I guess the x-wife figured, no need to have he boys find out when he's retiring, it should be happen soon. She probably was hoping he'd retire at 55, but he did not.