Among Friends

[Snowpuppy]

@Vivian  There are a lot of frightening stories here and every person's progression is different.  My grandmother was kind until the end of her cognitive days. 

Find a support group if you haven't done so. Look into a drop in care for him, someplace he can go for an hour or two and give you a much needed break.

Above all, care for yourself!

[Moonchilde]

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@Snowpuppy wrote:

@Vivian  There are a lot of frightening stories here and every person's progression is different.  My grandmother was kind until the end of her cognitive days. 

Find a support group if you haven't done so. Look into a drop in care for him, someplace he can go for an hour or two and give you a much needed break.

Above all, care for yourself!

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No one here is trying to scare the OP for no reason. She posted for a reason - her husband already has a history of violent anger and she's already seen signs of that returning/ramping up. That's why she posted.

People are suggesting she not underestimate the possibility, and safeguard herself and make sure her TKR recovery goes as it should. She needs to be in a place (physically and emotionally) where her recovery goes as smoothly as possible.

[Big Sister]

Oh, Vivian, I am so sorry to hear about your DH's dementia.  My DH lived only three years after his Alz. diagnosis.  He was always a quiet, mellow man and he never changed, thank God.

It is SO important that you get connected with your local Alzheimer's Assn.  They were very helpful to me and him.

[AuntG]

Being that he won't accept his diagnosis, I'm curious about whether he would be willing to take medication.  Someone else mentioned that finding the right combination could help mello his bad temper.  I feel very sorry for you because this can be a long illness.

[Vivian]

I thank all of you for taking the time to give me your words of experience, wisdom, and advice. I've already followed several suggestions mentioned and will likely follow more in the near future. My husband has been on Aricept for the past year and his neurologist, whom we're seeing in a couple of weeks, told us he can add another medication, which I suspect he'll do when we see him. My husband was never violent; he just shot off his mouth at anything that disturbed him. Over the years he finally learned to react more appropriately to stress. Now I fear his younger self is re-emerging. Too bad his younger memory can't follow suit.

[hckynut]

@Vivian

I have never dealt directly with anyone that was clinically diagnosed with dementia. Been around some long time friends that seem different when it comes to more recent things we spoke about, and next time I see them, they don't even remember the conversation. I am talking a week or so, not months.

Far be it from me to mention that word unless I see it could be a danger to them. They are married and I will leave that up to them and their spouses to discuss. I do understand that males, more than likely, are more prone to denial then the female gender.

If you husband has never exhibited verbal abuse during his "temper" times, if that does appear now, I would be concerned. Not having any direct experience with this I am only adding my comments as maybe food for thought.

Best to you in dealing with this, and also to your husband.

hckynut(john)

[Imaoldhippie]

I myself believe that a bad temper is in the DNA and not learned.  IMHO your husband (much to his credit) learned to control it over the years.  One of the first signs of dementia is temper and rage.  It will only get worse, sorry to say, and his denial with continue.  Thats all part of Alzheimers.  You are going to have a rough row to hoe.  God bless you.

[Moonchilde]

Hang in there, @Vivian. Thank you for coming back to update everyone.  We're here for you. It has to be not only super-stressful without your TKR, but add that into the mix and - I really hope you're able to get a support system surrounding you both emotionally and physically, before surgery and after, because you'll need it going forward.

[tansy]

Is there anyone who can come over at mealtimes at the very least to help you out after the knee surgery, @Vivian?  Just getting a plate of food over to the table is problematic.  

[Daysdee]

All I can say is prayers are being said for both of you.  You will definitely need help after your knee surgery.   Questionable if he can be alone while you are in the hospital.  You will have to make more preparations ahead of time.