Talking to very unpleasant old people - like my Da... - Page 6

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

Aging as well as illnesses that come with old age can make a person crabby, impatient, or even mean. Be patient and loving no matter what. They won't be here very long and then you'll wish they were.

jlkz · ‎12-02-2013

At the very end of my Mom's life she suffered from Alzheimer's...for almost 6 years. After going through the initial anger/ nastiness stage, she seemed to mellow for a while. Then she lost a good portion of her speech. When she could no longer remember my name, she would call me " Lovely Lady " and give me compliments.

What a change from the usually cantankerous, nothing is ever good enough persona! I think in her mind she saw me as her MIL with whom she had a lifelong, usually well deserved battle. She seemed to forget that I was the one who stood up for her along the way.

Confrontation avoidance was the norm in my family...even my Dad expected me to do the unpleasant stuff for him.

No one knows how each of us will fare in the last leg of our journey. Several posters have done a great job describing why some very elderly folks are "negative"-appearing.

It will remind me to have patience when I encounter them because someday it could be me trying to escape my prison.

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.
Sir Winston Churchill

Leeny · ‎06-24-2011

I just want to add one more thing. I miss my Dad alot. I don't know how he dealt with my mother. Although he passed away at 57. My mother is 85 now and I kept hoping when she got so sick that she would turn her life around, but that has not happened. Well, tomorrow I will be going out to the nursing home to decorate her room for Christmas. I am sure it won't be good enough. I don't like going, but it is the right thing to do. Also I am an only child so I can't pass any of this to any siblings.

wonderfulworld · ‎12-05-2012

@Sister Golden Hair wrote:
@Goldengate8361 People seem to hurt the ones they love the most

And I would add.....because they know that the loved ones will not abandon them, no matter what they dump on them...the fears, the worries, the nastiness.

I might add a suggestion that goldengate try to do something for herself, maybe yoga or talk to a counsellor, swimming, or meditation.

Try to compartmentalize the hurt. After the negativity try putting it in a box (mentally) and say poof and let it go. There are on line and library sources to read about dealing with difficult people and stressful situations.

Vivian · ‎03-11-2010

My 94 year old mother lives in an over-55 condo, with assistance from aides an hour or two each day. Mom refuses to associate with her neighbors who are not from her ethnic or age group. Needless to say, there aren't many 90+ year olds in her development and there is diversity in the new generation of seniors moving into her community. As a result, she is lonely. It's of her own making but I'm the one who gets 3 calls each day hearing complaints. I listen but can do nothing to change my mother at this point.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Goldengate8361 wrote:
I love my 90 year old father and I will always be there for him. However, he has become the most negative person I've ever known in my life. He says terrible things about everybody, including family members. I literally have a massive headache every time I hang up the phone from talking to him. Have any of you experienced this? Any advice to make it more bearable? By the way, he is in great health---but he is vile. It pains me to say that, but that's the truth. (FYI - he lives alone; my mom passed away 6 years ago) . He will not socialize AT ALL. He will not make friends or do anything to make himself feel better. Help!

@Goldengate8361

I only read the first page of posts ... but am really surprised how many people just "take it" from negative people! I don't buy the "someday you'll wish they were talking like that"! Baloney!

Yes, some may say he's venting .... or he could be in pain, I guess. Nevertheless, no one HAS to repeatedly subject themselves to this.

How about telling them that their constant harranging is giving you a headache and you need to hang up?

Or ask them (humorously) to say something positive about someone?

Or ask them to tell you about a funny story of something that happened when you were a child?

Just don't make it okay for people to act so mean spirited and negatively!

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

I feel sorry for your parents.

You are surely an ungrateful daughter!

You will be there one day if you are fortunate enough to live that long. Don't forget that fact.

1jenniferjuniper · ‎03-09-2010

Zhillis

Your post brought tears to my eyes. People who have not experienced what you are going through often find it hard to understand. Bless you.

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

Actually my life has been easy compared to many I know. At least my episode was short and I do not live in constant pain. Thanks for your kind thoughts.

I read a document once called, "Please, won't somebody listen?" and it has forever stuck with me. I hope I never turn a deaf ear to anyone who needs to talk about anything.

Too many people just take their current situation for granted but it can change in a second!

Image result for Please won't somebody listen quotes

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

I only read the first page of posts ... but am really surprised how many people just "take it" from negative people! I don't buy the "someday you'll wish they were talking like that"! Baloney!

Yes, some may say he's venting .... or he could be in pain, I guess. Nevertheless, no one HAS to repeatedly subject themselves to this.

How about telling them that their constant harranging is giving you a headache and you need to hang up?

Or ask them (humorously) to say something positive about someone?

Or ask them to tell you about a funny story of something that happened when you were a child?

Just don't make it okay for people to act so mean spirited and negatively!