Among Friends

[luvGodUSA]

Living in a very small community where everyone knows everyone else, I don't talk about certain topics of a personal nature for fear of these talks will not remain private.  So here I am to discuss with strangers my need to discuss a subject, church. We have been going to this church for 16 months now and wish not to attend this church anymore.  How we got started, I went to one service without my husband (to check it out) and then my husband joined me and we have been going almost every Sunday morning service.  Husband enjoys going and likes the people and knows most of them already, its only has a congregation of six to eight people, three are the minsters relations, so are absence would be noticeable.   He gives weekly and gives when special funds are requested because he wants to.  The only reason I still go is for my husband, he gets something out of it and I don't want to be the reason he stops going.  He will not go without me, at one time I was to ill to go and stated he wont go alone.  I have reasons why I don't want to attend this church.   I'm not against going to church, been going since I was a child, he has not, we have attended other churches in the past where we lived elsewhere,.  Tying not to be negative towards this church and keeping my reasons to myself. Need words of encouragement to continue going to this church.  Thank you.  .  .     

[Travone]

Would he be open to trying different churches in the area until you can find one you both enjoy?

[jlkz]

@luvGodUSA 

You don't say why you don't want to go to this "gathering", but it must be very important to you.  

I have learned  the hard way over many years and counseled other women to trust their gut.  Since it is a small community, I would search out a larger church outside the local community, one that has many parishioners who are not related to the leader.

Sometime about that gathering gives me bad vibes.  Your spouse can still contribute to it if he so desires but choose something more mainstream for attendance.  This way you get to meet many more people and broaden your circle.  This may become very important as time goes on.

[Kachina624]

I certainly would not encourage you to keep going if you dont enjoy it.  I feel certain there are other churches in the area you could try as a couple.  Hubby would undoubtedly follow you and would soon adjust.  You don't owe an explanation to anyone.  If anyone with the present group questions you, just say you wanted to try a more expansive experience with a larger congregation.   Let them figure that out.

[Lipstickdiva]

Church is important to me and therefore I attend mass.  My husband does not.  My husband not going doesn't stop me from going.

If that church was that important to your husband, he would attend without you unless there is some physical reason why he cannot.  Since church is important to me, I cannot imagine attending a weekly service and disliking it, being uncomfortable, etc.  I wouldn't do it.       

[chrystaltree]

I assume you are not conjoined twins so I don't understand why he won't go without you.  I suspect you haven't told him how you feel.  Church isn't like attending a movie, church is something we should be attending for spiritual reasons. It should give us peace, joy and fulfillment.  If don't like that church, if it just isn't right for you, you are not getting any of those things form it.  Be honest, explain it to you husband.  You could soften it by agreeing to attend occasionally or on special days like Easter or Christmas.  

[KLm]

I agree with trusting your instincts.

You really don't need a reason to stop doing something you don't want to do. If you continue to attend this church only to keep your husband happy, your own happiness will suffer. 

Keep yourself happy.

[alicedee]

Tell your husband you want to go to church, but not that particular one.  Tell him why not.

If he tries to coax you into it, just repeat "No, it not for me" if it is truly important to you.  Let him know he can continue if he likes, but again...it is not right for you.

I would follow through with visiting other churches .... on your own, if necessary....to find one that is a better fit.  

I know I would not attend a church where I didn't feel at ease.

[nana59]

you said you need words of encouragement to continue going to this church....you need words of encouragement NOT to go to this church...if you are uncomfortable there....your husband needs to attend by himself...i wonder why there are so few people there.....six to eight people-is that considered a congregation??  maybe you've already figured that out......

[luvGodUSA]

Thank you all for your sound comments and insights.  I do feel resentment.  I do watch other on-line services to fill the void that I'm not getting from this church.  Thank you again for listening, much respect to you all.