Among Friends

[eadu4]

@luvGodUSA   Your husband sounds a little like mine.  I have had to "force" him to step outside the box and do things that were uncomfortable for him without me.  I always had to make all the phone calls, set up appointments, go with him everywhere and yet when it came to me I always had to do it alone.  I finally put my foot down and made him start making his own calls, and going to his appointments (if he actually needs me there I go, but he's a big boy and he can go by himself).  It's taken time but he is learning to do things without me.   This might be one of those times you need to put your foot down.  You say he knows everyone and enjoys them, then he should have no problem going by himself.  He needs to know you just don't share his enjoyment in it.  It's not a crime and it truly is not something you should keep to yourself and suffer.   I did that with my first husband, and learned with the 2nd one.  It always sounds so cute when couples do "everything" together but when the time comes and one passes the other one is left totally devastated and has no direction in life.  I believe in doing things without your spouse.  You don't need them with you 24x7.  Some will argue with me and yes it's a personal choice.  But for you, I'd say sit down with him and talk it out.  How long would he suffer going somewhere you liked and he didn't?  

[RedTop]

@luvGodUSA,

I feel sure your husband is relaxed, and most comfortable in this very small, friendly, weekly gathering, compared to a larger church.  

My husband was more at ease in our rural country church where the congregation was made up of 6 core families and a few other neighbors.   He really was not comfortable when we joined a larger church where our daughters had school friends and more opportunities to learn and interact in group settings.  

My small area of WV has quite a few of these "independent" churches that are mainly one or two families supporting a new pastor gaining his footing.   In a few cases these little churches are formed by an unhappy group who broke away from a larger church, for whatever reason.   My husbands cousin pastors such a little church, and appears to have a small, "faithful flock", but while Pastor __ is basically licensed to preach and perform marriages (no formal seminary type education involved here) his church is not recognized, nor supported on a state level, as in thru the Methodist charge.   The weekly offering pays for building expenses, special dinner events at the church, and his salary.   

I personally would seriously question this "church" and what your weekly offerings are funding.   

[PreKteacher]

All of my life, I've gone to church with my family, so I can understand why your husband wants the both of you to go together. But, I also think if he wants you to go together, then it needs to be a church you both like. If he's worried about hurting feelings, he should just tell the other members that you've both decided to look for a larger congregation, but that he would like to meet with the others socially from time to time. 

[luvGodUSA]

I am very impressed by these comments.  As I read your comments I'm going yes, yes, your right, how in the world do you all know.   Great feedback.  Thanks.

[henderson]

I would pray for God to lead you and your husband to a church that you feel is right for you.  We left a large church after 15 years to a smaller one.  God was "nudging us" to do this.  I do feel that if you leave you need to tell the pastor why you are leaving so they don't keep calling or contacting you why you're not there on a Sunday.  Your spiritual growth is important and if you're not getting fed, you need to leave.  This is just my opinion.

[ECBG]

If this church isn't right for you, it's not right.  Period.  Trust your inner instincts.

[vsm]

Have you told your husband why you no longer want to go?  You're going to have to, at some point.

[mamaslittlepotato]

Do you know why it’s such a small congregation? Is it new? If not, then there must be some reason that people aren’t going there. I don’t know your husband, but I think if you found a new church he would probably go with you, especially if you tell him why you don’t want to continue with this one.

[Anonymous032819]

My dad was just the opposite.

He was attending services at the local Catholic church, but he found the congregation to be too large for his comfort.

He felt invisible, like he just disappeared in the crowd, with no interpersonal connections with anyone there.

So he found a smaller Lutheran church nearby, where the attendees were mostly seniors, and there was more one-on-one support.

He was happy there.

I don't know if this is of any help, but I thought that I would offer a different view.

[1Snickers]

@luvGodUSA  Maybe you could skip a Sunday occasionally.  My Church and my son's are online during the pandemic. That's not an excuse but a reason not to attend. 
  Your husband could have coffee outside to social distance with the friends he's made if he doesn't want to go alone. 
  Your husband may want to know the reason you don't want to attend.