Among Friends

[kelsey17]

Its funny......my DH and i went to a family gathering this weekend and on the way home i said to him "i feel so boring" when everyone joins in conversation......i find

too often i repeat stuff (not a mental issue...hahaha)

or the subject goes to health issues too often.................

and as with our age there are some physical activites we cannot participate with the others anymore.......

my husband said...".its all a part of getting older....remember when you were young and there were 

the older relatives that sat in a corner most of the visit..."

and i did.....ha.

[QVCkitty1]

I think it's important to " read the room ," I mean why would you want to bore the socks off the people you're with ?  When I'm with former co- workers we reminisce about work experiences that we all had.  Otherwise it's current events, family, books we've read , and yes, gossip. 🤭 I have listened to stories countless times, and I hope I never seemed impatient, but I hope that is never me. 

[KBEANS]

I talk about the past when I am remembering a very important deceased love one. He is a big part of my past as well as my entire family. I will continue to talk about the past; especially because that past includes this very loved family member. I would never refrain from telling stories about him just because people might think it's "in the past" Just because I talk about the past and my deceased family member, it doesn't mean I live there.

[PamfromCT]

Funny, I don’t, nor have never, found older relatives talking about the past boring.  So much useful information and perspective.  Found this when my parents and relatives were alive, and also during the years I volunteered with sick elderly people.

Talk about current events?  Really?  Now that could be a depressing situation.  Of course, if you are looking for excitement, politics will do it.

[amyb]

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@GenXmuse wrote:

I actually enjoy when my parents talk about the past. I appreciate hearing about their memories, experiences, and perspective that has given them.  My mother has Dementia and its amazing the things she remembers that I never knew, like her first concert was Johnny Cash when he came to her college. I know the day will come when I will miss talking about anything with them. 

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Amen. I'm sitting here now and having lost my mom last year at 91, and we were close, I know a good amount about her past etc...still...having just read that comment about sitting down and documenting things with them...how I wish I could go right now and sit with my mom and ask her about things from her past and document them all. Things I never thought to ask or talk about when she was here. Yes, we were usually just busy with the "here and now" then, but right now I wish I could spend days doing this and documenting it. 

A few times I did bring bunches of old pictures I found in her stash, when I emptied the house to sell...and we went through them together with her "trying to remember" so she could tell me who the people were, what the occasion was. It worked her memory and brain too...and we had a nice time doing it. ❤️ Savor every single minute and conversation...because they are never enough. xo

ps...also, when you get to be in your 80's and 90's for many elderly, who can't get around as much...their "stories" are what they have to share, and they enjoy revisiting..why not visit their past with them. At that point they have more behind them then what's in front of them. I realize the OP is talking about younger people doing this...i just got on this tangent thinking of my elderly mom, and also all the people who used to love to catch me at her Assisted Living and tell me stories. I actually enjoyed giving them the time and attention.

[suzyQ3]

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@amyb wrote:

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@GenXmuse wrote:

I actually enjoy when my parents talk about the past. I appreciate hearing about their memories, experiences, and perspective that has given them.  My mother has Dementia and its amazing the things she remembers that I never knew, like her first concert was Johnny Cash when he came to her college. I know the day will come when I will miss talking about anything with them. 

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Amen. I'm sitting here now and having lost my mom last year at 91, and we were close, I know a good amount about her past etc...still...having just read that comment about sitting down and documenting things with them. How I wish I could go right now and sit with my mom and ask her about things from her past and document them all. Things I never thought to ask or talk about when she was here. Yes, we were usually just busy with the "here and now" then, but right now I wish I could spend days doing this and documenting it. 

A few times I did bring bunches of old pictures I found in her stash, when I emptied the house to sell...and we went through them together with her "trying to remember" so she could tell me who the people were, what the occasion was. It worked her memory and brain too...and we had a nice time doing it. ❤️ Savor every single minute and conversation...because they are never enough. xo

ps...also, when you get to be in your 80's and 90's for many elderly, who can't get around as much...their "stories" are what they have to share, and they enjoy revisiting..why not visit their past with them. At that point they have more behind them then what's in front of them. I realize the OP is talking about younger people doing this...i just got on this tangent thinking of my elderly mom, and also all the people who used to love to catch me at her Assisted Living and tell me stories. I actually enjoyed giving them the time and attention.

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So true, @amyb. I thought about this thread on my walk today, and this was one point that came to mind.

[GenXmuse]

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@amyb wrote:

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@GenXmuse wrote:

I actually enjoy when my parents talk about the past. I appreciate hearing about their memories, experiences, and perspective that has given them.  My mother has Dementia and its amazing the things she remembers that I never knew, like her first concert was Johnny Cash when he came to her college. I know the day will come when I will miss talking about anything with them. 

---

Amen. I'm sitting here now and having lost my mom last year at 91, and we were close, I know a good amount about her past etc...still...having just read that comment about sitting down and documenting things with them...how I wish I could go right now and sit with my mom and ask her about things from her past and document them all. Things I never thought to ask or talk about when she was here. Yes, we were usually just busy with the "here and now" then, but right now I wish I could spend days doing this and documenting it. 

A few times I did bring bunches of old pictures I found in her stash, when I emptied the house to sell...and we went through them together with her "trying to remember" so she could tell me who the people were, what the occasion was. It worked her memory and brain too...and we had a nice time doing it. ❤️ Savor every single minute and conversation...because they are never enough. xo

ps...also, when you get to be in your 80's and 90's for many elderly, who can't get around as much...their "stories" are what they have to share, and they enjoy revisiting..why not visit their past with them. At that point they have more behind them then what's in front of them. I realize the OP is talking about younger people doing this...i just got on this tangent thinking of my elderly mom, and also all the people who used to love to catch me at her Assisted Living and tell me stories. I actually enjoyed giving them the time and attention.

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Thank you for your lovely response. I think it is important to honor our elders by giving them our attention and time to listen. I could get lost in their memories too. You expressed yourself very beautifully and I'm sure you were a blessing to your mother. 

[sandy53]

My DH has two brothers who live close enough so that we get our families together fairly often. They often tell funny stories from the past and it's enjoyable.  I get a little jealous because I don't know anyone here who knew me when I was young.  My only brother lives halfway across the country and we see each other infrequently.  So, cherish those stories and those who share them.

[KaySD]

Very interesting comments on this thread. I am occasionally mortified to find myself telling such a story. Bad enough old ideas bore others; they even bore me. I keep these two things in my mind and practice them: (1) interrupt myself and ask a question (then listen), and (2) talk instead about what I'm learning, reading, thinking, feeling, and experiencing currently (this means I have to make sure I do these things, pretty much all the time). I call these practices because I need practice!

[Roscoe the Rascal]

Today I took my one brother, who is in memory care, to my other brother's home and had a nice visit and sat outside the whole time.  If was nice and we talked about the past, the present and just had a  great time.  I had a bunch of pictures that another brother gave me to give to the other one.  We looked at those and laughed and the memories started flowing.

I like to talk about the past, but not the only thing we talk about.  Don't wait until those people in your life are gone and wished you had talked more about things from before.   Sure some will be bored,  but not today,  because the memories were what we all related to.  We talk about all kinds of  things and not just the past.

 I have often said I wished I would have asked more about certain things or listened better.  I guess that comes with age.

My brother has dementia and Parkinson's.  His short term memory is short and loses his thoughts fast, but he still remembers things and has that great sense of humor.  When I take him places he perks up.  He mostly wishes he could come and go again like he use to.  

Today was a good day.  One I will remember and bore someone with someday.