Among Friends

[amyb]

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@Roscoe the Rascal wrote:

Today I took my one brother, who is in memory care, to my other brother's home and had a nice visit and sat outside the whole time.  If was nice and we talked about the past, the present and just had a  great time.  I had a bunch of pictures that another brother gave me to give to the other one.  We looked at those and laughed and the memories started flowing.

I like to talk about the past, but not the only thing we talk about.  Don't wait until those people in your life are gone and wished you had talked more about things from before.   Sure some will be bored,  but not today,  because the memories were what we all related to.  We talk about all kinds of  things and not just the past.

 I have often said I wished I would have asked more about certain things or listened better.  I guess that comes with age.

My brother has dementia and Parkinson's.  His short term memory is short and loses his thoughts fast, but he still remembers things and has that great sense of humor.  When I take him places he perks up.  He mostly wishes he could come and go again like he use to.  

Today was a good day.  One I will remember and bore someone with someday.

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❤️

[KBEANS]

My brother in law used to love to retell stories over and over again. One son listened, the other son would bang his head when he did.  Point, some people like to hear stories, others don't have the patience for it. My brother in law developed dementia. Eventually he forgot everything. We would tell him stories about his life and he would enjoy hearing them although he didn't remember them. Sometimes he'd say "Who did that?" We'd say "You did!" 

[Xivambala]

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@vsm wrote:

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@Xivambala wrote:

I am in my 60's and I do not. I leave the past where it belongs, in the past and prefer to live in the moment. My mother who is in her 80's does this all the time. She frequently asks if remember this, that and something else. Sometimes I remember and sometimes I don't. It becomes a boring conversation. I would never tell her how annoying this is as she won't be here forever. She is a wealth of family history and I have asked her several times to document this for me (only child here). I hope she follows through. I think we get along better when we concentrate on the here and now.

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@XivambalaGiven your mother's age, it might be too much for her to document the family history in an organized way.  How about coming up with some questions that you're especially interested in, and then recording her answers?  This might be a wonderful gift to her -- one that you, as her only child, can give --  and something you'll treasure when she's gone. Some members of my family have done this with happy results for all concerned.

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My mother's age has nothing to do with her abilities. Please read this response to @hckynut:

Have you offered to help your mother document her history?  My wife did that with her mother, who died at 91 five years ago. Her mother started with where she was born and followed through with as many things as she remembered.

She named it "Her Name History". I took it off the computer and saved it on a Thumb Drive and a DVD. My wife just read it this week because her mother died on the 13th, 1 month before her 92nd birthday. Something to think about  

I too am in my 80's and most people I chat with, including family, don't consider me boring. They mostly talk right along with me, I guess that's a sign, no?

My response: It has been discussed, but I need to "walk on egg shells" with my mother. Once when I asked about my Grandmother's Irish ancestors (hers too!) she pushed me off on one of my aunts. My mother worked in the computer business and was a systems analyst at the time of her retirement, so she is very computer savvy. She needs no help from me there. I do believe she has been writing something though.

We have documented history of my Grandfather's family back to the 1700's from Denmark to their coming to America through Castle Garden (pre Ellis Island) and settling in various states in the US. An aunt spent time with my Grandmother before she passed to document her recollections of childhood and marriage to my Grandfather.  I know a lot about my grandparents because we lived with them a good portion of the time when I was a child and they raised my as one of their own. I don't think anyone in our large extended family has yet documented the history of my grandparents family and offspring. Everything is word of mouth. I know very little of my father and his family because my parents divorced when I was an infant. I unfortunately live 1400 miles from my mother, but am planning to see her in Chicago later this fall. I may broach the subject if she is receptive. 

[tends2dogs]

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@Roscoe the Rascal wrote:

Today I took my one brother, who is in memory care, to my other brother's home and had a nice visit and sat outside the whole time.  If was nice and we talked about the past, the present and just had a  great time.  I had a bunch of pictures that another brother gave me to give to the other one.  We looked at those and laughed and the memories started flowing.

I like to talk about the past, but not the only thing we talk about.  Don't wait until those people in your life are gone and wished you had talked more about things from before.   Sure some will be bored,  but not today,  because the memories were what we all related to.  We talk about all kinds of  things and not just the past.

 I have often said I wished I would have asked more about certain things or listened better.  I guess that comes with age.

My brother has dementia and Parkinson's.  His short term memory is short and loses his thoughts fast, but he still remembers things and has that great sense of humor.  When I take him places he perks up.  He mostly wishes he could come and go again like he use to.  

Today was a good day.  One I will remember and bore someone with someday.

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Well, you didn't bore me today, @Roscoe the Rascal .  I loved your sweet account of your day with you brothers.  Priceless........and will be again whenever you retell it to someone else.  You were given a real gift, a happy day. 

[occasionalrain]

@Wiscfan3 

When friends, family, and even strangers encountered out and about share personal stories of their past, they are giving me a gift, a one of a kind gift, that I appreciate, even cherish.

I know what it was like to live through the 1918 Pandemic, the pranks practiced by my grandfather and his friends, returning home after the first WW...

[Elodie2]

@Susan in California   It's bittersweet that you feel as you do but I understand.  Along with age comes wisdom, memories and the desire to share all of that. Social cues may alert you if you're boring the pants off everyone, otherwise, just be you.

[Roscoe the Rascal]

Thank you  tend2dogs you are very kind indeed.  Love your pup.

[chrystaltree]

I remember my mom and my aunt would do that and it was hard to fake an interest in a story they'd told 200 times before.  Everytime I saw either of them, they tell same stories. They talked about real things too but a couple of old stories would make their way in.  Sometimes they'd catch themselves but not so much as they moved into their 80's.  So.  Now I am 60 and every now and then, I catch myself doing the same thing.  Now I can say "stop me if I already told you this" buy I wonder if 10 years from now I'll be boring people with my oldies.  

[NYCLatinaMe]

@Susan in California unless you are repeating the same stories over and over, your family may find these stories interesting.  I guess it depends on what it is that you are sharing.

I do sometimes drone about something, and when I notice, I just start talking about something else, or ask people if they are interested.  I watch body language for cues.

[qualitygal]

Wow!!   We were a state in quaratine for a long time.  If it weren't for old stories, we would have zippo.  No new stories of good interest for some time.  Be patient.  At least you got to be with and visit with them.  Start new stories in all your lives.  It'll take time in some circles.  JMHO