Among Friends

[DiAnne]

Boy, after reading this I am beginning to wonder what is wrong with me.  I was a stay at home Mom when my children were small and then had to go to work after a divorce.  I was happy when my children were finally out on their own and independent.  My daughter and her husband live in another state (also grandchildren). My son passed away.  I have always had a lot of outside interests.  I volunteer at a food bank,. take cooking classes at the local co-op, go to yoga classes, go to plays/movie, out to nice restaurants, a big reader and I LOVE living alone. 

[Plaid Pants2]

I think that the trick is, that while it is great to be a mom who loves being a mom, that it is important to not make that your sole identity.

In other words, don't loose yourself, and who you are, while being a mom.

You were an individual before the kids, and I think that it is important to have some "adult time" activities, that don't involve the kids, and to pursue your interests while raising the kids.

For example, yes, my mom loved being a mom. But she was also Ragina Philagie, who loved to take classes at the local jr. college, volunteer with at-risk kids, and the elderly.

So when it came time for me to move away to college, it wasn't such a "shock" to her, and she didn't have the "now what do I do?" scenario.

[KarenQVC]

We moved to a new city 4 years ago to retire.  Our son and grandchildren live out of state.

It does take time.  I love the gym, but it took me 4 programs before I found the one I liked.  I am now on my third church.  I started painting for profit, then stopped, and am going to start again.  I plan to take a class at the community college next.  Along the way I have learned a lot about my city and myself.

What I guess I am saying is that it takes time, but really it is all about the journey.

[tansy]

You got lots of good advice, OP.  I'd work on strengthening the marriage so you want him to retire eventually

[stargazergal]

Boy oh boy do I remember that feeling..... Get a dog !   It will help fill up those

empty spots when they are not around ..... And it will help with anxiety, loneliness,

someone to talk to and not be judged ( ha ha)  ...... they are great company in the car when running errands.... I swear...... our dogs

(both rescued)  help me to get through those rough spots !  Don't be hard on yourself and feel like you need to figure this out overnight..... check out local ads for perhaps a volunteer program.... you meet people and eventually perhaps it could lead you to somewhere you never would have thought of.   Hobbies?  Take it a day at a time... your kids will never leave you truly...... this is a new and exciting time for all of you !  The dog I swear..... will help to fill up the void spots.  Rescue of course !

Sending Hugs to you !

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@petepetey wrote:

My youngest child will be going to college in the fall. My oldest is already there, so I do know what it's like to drop them off and drive home sad.  

Now with the youngest going away I realize I need to create a new life. I've been a stay at home mom for 20 years. I need something to do, people to be with. 

I don't belong to a church (might consider that), my neighborhood has changed, all grown up kids now, moms rarely talk to anyone. My favorite neighbors have moved away in the last few years. A good friend moved far away too. So, I don't have many friends nearby. I'd love to meet new ones, not easy at my age.

My fear is my children will move far away. It happened to my sister. First grandchild was born and her daughter moved 2000 miles away to live forever in her new state. That's fine while you are still young enough to travel but someday you will be old and at home. 

I do want my children to have their own life. I accept that. I just hope to be a part of it somehow. 

What suggestions do you have for me to find things to do, people to be with, adventures to go on. I am married and for now my husband still works. I sort of dread the day he stays home full time. He doesn't have much of a social life at all. He joins mine when it's required but he never thinks of things to do on his own. 

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[KathyPet]

Do what We did and move to a age restricted community preferably one that is just getting off the ground where everyone else is new too.  You will have so many new friends and opportunities to try new activities you won't know where the day goes.  

[libbyannE]

We had no children and retired early from our careers. I am not a joiner but a naturally happy loner who nonetheless wishes for a friend or two, esp after the death of one very close friend. I enjoy my husband and my alone time, my reading and piano playing but, to be brutally honest about myself, I am not good at making friends now that I'm not working. At work, friendships happened naturally. I keep up with a number of friends in other states via regular emails and enjoy that. We moved to the country which we love but we go days and days without seeing anyone! And when we do, it usually involves visiting and helping elderly relatives back in the city. If we were back in the 'burbs, I would feel hemmed in again but I probably would at least sign up for an occasional class, exercise sessions, etc. I have no conclusion, but reading these good, heartfelt posts makes me think that I should be doing done thing more. Thanks for making me think.......

[ID2]

I never was sad when my kids grew up and left. Its what they're supposed to do. Sure I tak to them often and they come visit when they can but I've always felt its their time to fly and create their own lives.

[CalminHeart]

It took me about 5 minutes to adjust to the empty next.  I raised my boys alone.  Yes, I miss them dearly but also enjoy living alone.   I actually got my very first pet at age 60.  I adopted a rescue dog and he is wonderful.

Find a charity you like and get involved.  Volunteer at DAV.   Find a shelter and talk to them about volunteering.  Or find out what charity programs your church does and get involved.  I was involved in one of my church's programs for 17 years and it was very rewarding....and I made some great friends.

Or get a parttime job.   My fulltime job was very stressful and I found relief working parttime at a grocery store. I worked only a few hours a week when but I recently retired and work more hours now.  I call it my fun job.  They actually pay me to laugh and talk with customers!  

Good luck to you.