Among Friends

[Lindsays Grandma]

cherry...I never knew that boughten

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@cherry wrote:

In  the northern part of the US, boughten is a common term. We use it, instead of store bought.

It is  correct

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is a common term.  My daughter says it every now and than and I am quick to correct her by saying, "bought".  How far north is the northern part of the US?

[MsLomo]

@lolakimono

@MacDUFF

Love the chart, but ... uh oh ... last sentence, first line: "Oftentimes" is one word!

      

[Lindsays Grandma]

Bunnies...Seriously, people actually write alot

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@Bunnies wrote:

For several years I tried to teach my eighth grade students that there is no word

ALOT.  If one refers to a great number of something, it is written as two

separate words:  a lot.  There is a word ALLOT which means something

completely different.  If you are guilty of using ALOT, please cease!

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instead of a lot?  If I like something a lot I automatically use two words.  I am sure I make grammatical errors but I am fanatic when it comes to spelling. I keep a dictionary on my desk while typing and if a word does not look right or I am not sure of the spelling I use it.

[lolakimono]

@MacDUFF

[MacDUFF]

@lolakimono

@MsLomo

Not a thing gets past our MsLomo!  Good eye...I thought it could go either way.  M-W has it as one word...?

Also, in lola's chart posted today (5/14/17) "Language Felonies (hahaha!), I saw "spelt" and thought of a recipe that one of my health food nut friends sent me a few months ago (spelt is actually a wheat grain)...M-W also showing "spelt" as "chiefly British past tense...of spell."

[hildyjohnson]

This is a WONDERFUL thread, @MacDUFF and contributors!

I'd like to add this from an earlier thread if I may.

The linguistics website is a good resource imho.

Sometimes I hear someone start with a compliment and then with the word "but" they seem to negate or reverse the compliment.

I decided to Google this and found this interesting explanation.

I wasn't sure it would be as good if I edited it so it's a long post.

"Words to use with caution: ‘But’

Imagine you are with a close friend and he or she says I really appreciate you as a friend, I am glad we get to spend time together, and I especially like your sense of humour… and then pauses and adds …BUT….

Or someone says

That's a lovely jacket you're wearing … but…

You did a wonderful job with this… but…

I like your new hairstyle… but…

What happens in your mind when the person says that little word – even before they say anything else?

However we rationally respond our emotional response is to ignore everything that went before the 'but' and to focus on what comes after it - instinctively we recognise that this is what they really think, feel or intend.

'But' negates whatever precedes it

The word BUT negates or cancels everything that goes before it. And is generally accepted as a signal that the really important part of the sentence is coming up.

When you use it most people listening to you will give more attention and more weight to what you say after you say BUT. This tiny little word is widely misused…

Managers use it when giving feedback in appraisals:

You handled that wonderfully… but…

On the whole your performance was good… but…

Spouses misuse it:

I really love the way you touch me … but…

It's great being with you… but…

Teachers misuse it:

That wasn't too bad… but…

Your spelling is good … but …

In each case it is likely that person speaking fully intends to be helpful or complimentary. But they then step on this verbal 'landmine' which then demolishes the effect they are attempting to create.

The disguised 'but'

There are other ways having the same effect without using the word. For example 'yet' and 'however' can be used with similar negative impact:

I enjoyed that … however…

You made some good points just now… and yet…

What to do instead

Simply replace BUT with the word AND! Do it for just seven days and it is likely that you will use it a lot less in future.

Instead of:

I had a great evening out with you but perhaps we tried to pack too much into it

Your performance in your job has been very good but I'd like you to be more of a team player

I agree with a lot of what you are saying but I wonder if we could examine this particular point

Use:

I had a great evening out with you AND perhaps we tried to pack too much into it

Your performance in your job has been very good and I'd like you to be more of a team player

I agree with a lot of what you are saying and I wonder if we could examine this particular point

You may find this a bit of a stretch, incidentally, because this little word and the attitude that goes with it is a quite deeply ingrained part of the culture of native English speakers. (I cannot speak for other cultures but I'd like to have your comments on this.)

Be careful with your use of 'and', too. If you over-emphasise it and, especially, if you pause before and after using it this will have the almost same effect as using but!

The useful way to use ‘But’

Of course, there's nothing wrong with using 'but'

as long as you are aware of how it will influence

the other person's thinking.

Which is why I used it twice in the above text – yes, it was deliberate :-).

Use it, for example, when you want to acknowledge something negative but emphasise the positive alternative:

That wasn't your best effort BUT I know you will do better next time.

OK, so we screwed up there BUT lets learn from our mistakes and move on.

We're certainly facing some huge obstacles with this project BUT I know we can succeed.

Why make a fuss about one little word?

In corporate work I've seen experienced managers make great feedback comments and then sabotage the effect by adding 'but'.

I've heard people tell their spouses or life partners how much they love them and then spoil the effect with a 'but'.

And I've seen parents evoke unwelcome responses in their children with careless use of their 'buts'.

Good intentions are not enough

It's not enough to have good intentions. A core principle of NLP is that you are responsible for the impact of your communication.

You can begin taking even greater responsibility for your impact by becoming very aware of your use of 'but'. Use it with great care or simply replace it with 'and'."

[Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Neuro refers to your neurology; Linguistic refers to language; programming refers to how that neural language functions.]

From

educational site

Pegasus NLP,

to find the article Google "Words to use with caution: ‘But’"

[MsLomo]

@lolakimono

@MacDUFF

Love the "Felonies" (lol) chart!

Yes, "oftentimes" is one word in M-W. Only Grammar Nerds could have this much fun reading these charts!! (I can "see" my friends rolling their eyes right now.)

P.S. "Spelt" -- Oh, my!  What would Mrs. Hudson and the Sisters Mary say?  

[MacDUFF]

@MsLomo

Mrs. Hudson might have said something like, "Well, that would be fine if we were living in Britain!"  LOL.

Handsome (DH) usually gets a glazed-over look in his eyes.

I need to rewrite the following sentences regarding the word oftentimes (serious question:  should I have put that word in quotes?)...

from...

"...I thought it could go either way.  M-W has it as one word...?"

to...

"I thought it could go either way, but M-W has it as one word, and M-W is the final arbiter, yes?"

[eyeroll!!!]

[joann1218]

Get a life.  I don't care if someone is talking to me and using improper grammar.  What difference does it make?

[MacDUFF]

@hildyjohnson

I was thinking of your "but" thread the other day.  It seems to me that it would be difficult to be honest when answering certain questions (also, if you were instructing someone or reviewing their work performance)...say, for example, the question, "Do you like this dress on me?"

I never thought too much of it back in the day (although, of course, I always try to be as kind as possible), but now with everyone offended over everything, my first thought is a panicked, "Oh qwap!  Does this person really want my honest opinion?  Can they take it, or should I lie?  I would want the truth, but maybe the truth will be hurtful to them?"  Then I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out how to phrase my response!  And so forth...I drive myself crazy sometimes LOL!  

Anyway, I was wondering if one could frame their response in the reverse, since everything that goes before the "but" (supposedly) is negated...i.e. "You look so slim in a shealth dress, but that fit and flare looks very nice."

Who knew that I could be such a nerd!!??