Among Friends

[Sooner]

You know it is difficult now days to know what to say.  I had an uncomfortable response from someone at a blood draw today that shocked me.  But I simply asked her about it, we talked about it and wound up with understanding and a warm and helpful talk for both of us. 

Sometimes you simply need to either choose to think "that's not the way they intended the remark" or talk it out with them--give that person a chance for you not to go away thinking less of them.  

[beach-mom]

One of the hardest times of my life was when my brother died at 28. Mom and I (and DH) had been through a lot. His funeral service was where Mom lived, but he was buried in our family cemetery 9 hours away. Mom's teenage boyfriend, who was a minister, did the service there, which is the one most of my extended family attended. 

After, everyone went to my aunt's home. There were so many people there. Everything caught up with me and I went outside and broke down. The minister's wife followed me. I know she meant well, but she told me I had to pull myself together and be strong for my mom. I have never forgotten that. 

At that moment I didn't want to be strong for anyone. I wanted to miss my brother. So I would caution anyone comforting someone not to tell them to be strong. If you don't have the words just hug the person. 

[Roscoe the Rascal]

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@Puzzle Piece wrote:

@catwhisperer It's not easy for others to know exactly what to say because they aren't you.  

I lost the love of my life last year and heard some outlandish things like "Are you going to get married again"? "Are you going to sell the house"? "Are you going to keep......"? 

Questions and statements I couln't answer at that time and still can't now.  

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When my husband died I had gone to a class reunion shortly after.  I was asked so are you dating yet?   It had only been 4 months.  He said you need to get out there again.    This was by a top notch supposedly psychiatrist.  He is the top in his field but wow.  

It will be a year next month and the farthest thing from my mind is starting over at 69.  I had a great first go round and not looking to be a nurse or a purse to someone new.  

[LavernLuvsShoes]

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@Roscoe the Rascal wrote:

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...It will be a year next month and the farthest thing from my mind is starting over at 69.  I had a great first go round and not looking to be a nurse or a purse to someone new.  

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First, I extend my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your husband ♥

Second, I'm definitely using that (bolded) line above - If my hubby goes before me, it's exactly how I feel. 

[geezerette]

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@Roscoe the Rascal wrote:

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@Puzzle Piece wrote:

@catwhisperer It's not easy for others to know exactly what to say because they aren't you.  

I lost the love of my life last year and heard some outlandish things like "Are you going to get married again"? "Are you going to sell the house"? "Are you going to keep......"? 

Questions and statements I couln't answer at that time and still can't now.  

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When my husband died I had gone to a class reunion shortly after.  I was asked so are you dating yet?   It had only been 4 months.  He said you need to get out there again.    This was by a top notch supposedly psychiatrist.  He is the top in his field but wow.  

It will be a year next month and the farthest thing from my mind is starting over at 69.  I had a great first go round and not looking to be a nurse or a purse to someone new.  

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@Roscoe the Rascal 

I don't understand why people say this.  Especially a professional.  I find it demeaning.  Like I can't function or be happy on my own without dating--or worse, remarrying.

I also agree with your last sentence and feel the same way.

[catwhisperer]

After my DH died, I decided I did not want to be a caregiver/nurse again either. I eventually got into a relationship with a younger man, which brought a whole different set of issues into my life that I was not willing to deal with, so I let go of that. Live and learn.