Among Friends

[tsavorite]

A little while back I read a topic (it could have been in this area or the community chat section) and basically some posters had made online friends with people and they just showed up on their doorstep for like a 10 day stay.  Also they mentioned things like the person IRL just wasn't someone they would ever hang out with.

I have a different situation but that thread got me thinking alot....and someone posted that the less you "know" someone the more you like them kind of response!  I thought wow I think that's really true for me and some relationships (relatives).

In fact there's very few people that this doesn't apply to in my life.  Recently at a funeral and some folks were just really not folks I wanted to "know" more about....example...a couple is expecting a new baby girl and the H and FIL were picking out x-rated onesie's they are buying....I didn't know it until they showed it and OMGoodness it was so dirty nasty!  The expecting Mom said NO WAY and I agreed with her.  

I would rather not "know" them or things about them too much....it's easier that way.  This and many other family issues/functions over the past yrs has really made me feel alone for the most part at functions.  Disconnected and got me thinking I only have a few relationships that I enjoy.  Most are involved in the x-rated stuff....and heavy drinking...that's the other one.  I mean heavy drinking and talking about it too...like they are teens.  There's more things but I hope this kinda explains what I am talking about I just don't have anything in common with them.

Even my very close friends youngest daughter keep saying to me how she wants to see her Mom and I do shots....she's maybe 20.  I told her I never did them when I was young and wasn't starting now LOL!  But what is up with that??  

Anyway I need a few more friendships that I actually have a connection with in my life....and just needed to talk today it's been bugging me.  The way the family is now there is basically (mostly males) nobody that I have anything much in common with so going to more family functions like weddings/showers/baby showers/holidays is not something I look forward too but rather I am trying wishing I had a way not to attend.

Got mixed up emotions....too much death in my life in the last 4yrs....1st my Mom (GOD how I miss her) then my Father....now my MIL (loved her very much)....has me looking at life differently.  My close friends Mom also passed before my Dad....I knew her since I was 10 yrs old...very sad.  All the things that go on when someone dies....so much to do take care of then it's kinda silent.  

Just need to spill today...thanks for reading!

[Sooner]

Maybe you can connect with some younger people through your church, library, or other community groups and provide the older, wiser connection that others gave to you!  It's your turn!  Hope things are looking up soon for y ou.  Sometimes you just have to reinvent yourself.

[cotton4me]

I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, father, and MIL.   I can understand how your perspective has changed.  I don’t have much in common with most of my family so I can relate.  In a similar fashion, they’re what I call a little rough around the edges. 

It sounds like it’s time for a new beginning for you. I don’t know if you’re religious but I started going to church, got involved in various activities, and met many wonderful people.  It’s where I met my husband.  I’ve also met some nice people through my hobbies.  Maybe consider some classes/activities that interest you and meet like-minded people. 

Wishing you good things to come. 

[Azcowgirl]

@tsavorite

I feel similar about a bunch of relatives on DH's side that until just recently, he never knew. It was a funeral gathering also. Wow, did I ever feel out of place. They were into heavy drinking, and as the booze flowed, the language and behavior got lewd and crude. I couldn't wait to get out of there. I know DH wants to stay connected to these newly found relatives, but I'm dreading being around them again.

I understand and relate, to " less is more" when it comes to  some relationships.

[Bibione]

I would feel the same way you did.I also agree with you that everything changed after my  aunt died at 67 of cancer and my dad died at 90.I feel lost without them and I don't feel so carefree as I used to be.

Luckily I have a few good friends, but if they don't respond to my whatsapp message or they don't call for a long time I fear they don't care about me anymore. 

If I were around friends or relatives who drink heavily I would say something.I don't care if they drink,but if they drink and drive then it becomes a problem.

[KarenQVC]

There are tons of sober people out there.  Try church, classes, hobbies, the gym.

[lOVETOSHOP]

Another place to meet a lot of kind and caring people is volunteering....places like the Red Cross, animal shelters, hospitals.  My sister volunteers at an animal shelter and has met many nice people.  She commits only 2 hours every Saturday and loves it....loves the animals of course, but has also met a few really nice people who became really nice friends! 

[software]

Maybe because I am an only child, I don't feel the need to have relationships with people other than my own family, which I love.  (I do have friends but we don't do stuff together all the time)   And yes I've lost many close to me but there are still some of us left.

You seem lonely, which translates to vulnerable and there will be people you meet who pick up on that & mean you no good.   Find a hobby.   A craft, something outside-like bike riding, gardening, anything that interests you and makes you feel good.  You can start by volunteering at a nursing home, school, pet shelter, church.

Eventually you will branch out and start meeting people with the same interest.  You may not meet your best friend for life, but you won't be lonely.  Unless I misread you, you need to be busy & not lonely.

@tsavorite

[151949]

It sounds to me like the OP is going thru a period of depression. Perhaps needs to talk to her doctor about it.

The part about x rated onsies kinda scared me.

[tsavorite]

Thank you ladies for all the replies...ideas....yes I do think I am abit down but not depression that requires meds....I get up and do "life"....have H and 2 of my sons still at home 1 lives nearby.  I also lost my dog of 15yrs....in the last 4yrs....just kinda emotional lately.  Husband suggested a vacation....we both could use it....he needs some recovery time for sure.

I really appreciate the ideas on where to connect with others that I may have more in common.....I will be pursuing that for sure.

The story about the onsies is true....this little baby shirt had the most vile graphic picture of male privates and a horrible caption up top that I was stunned!  Who knew there are things like that for sale and who even looks for things like that? much less purchase it!

I just felt so out of step....and I don't want to get involved in all that to be honest....I'd rather have a more distant kind of relationship in those cases.