Re: Really a Friend?

VaBelle35 · ‎03-10-2010

A woman in my class at the gym is very political and that is all she talks about. Mainly, she has nothing else going on and this is all she has to contribute to conversation. She has been told, not asked, by the group, to please not bring the topic of politics of any kind up. We come to the gym for a break and a good time, we do not want to listen to this subject (and be preached to) during this time.

She has respected our wishes.

===================================
QVC Shopper - 1993

# IAMTEAMWEN

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

Perhaps your friend has gotten into heated discussions about current events with family or friends and it has stressed her out completely. Perhaps she doesn't want to risk your friendship by getting into another contentious discussion? Be glad that she cares enough about you to not want to bring up a subject that could cause friction between the two of you.

If my friend made a simple request of not wanting to discuss a (sore) subject, I wouldn't think twice about it and respect her wishes.

deedledeedeedle · ‎05-27-2014

@Mistreatedbycs wrote:
So we've known each for years, she has a grown family and recently divorced after a number of years. We see each other about twice a year sharing lunches and dinners for our birthdays. Since her divorce we've seen each other for coffee and she helped me move and other little things. I've always been grateful and repaid her with either a small gift or even an occasional get together quick dinner and said "I'll pay".

I've asked her to help me this week and she said only if I don't talk about current events, I said "sure". Now I'm thinking, what has changed, why can't I be just me, why would I have to limit my conversation to what she wants....I don't think I want her as a friend anymore...don't friends accept you the way you are?

Yes, Bling, our friends "should" accept us as we are, warts and all. As I've gotten older my long time true friends have become more important. I've whittled off some acquaintances and activities to spend more memorable times with true friends. If your friendship with this woman seems forced or too one-sided, my advice is to step back, at least for the next week. She's in a new phase of life with her divorce, tread lightly. Perhaps you could reconnect around the upcoming holidays. Be more (for)giving, and find common ground. True friendships are hard work, just like any other close relationship, but when its all said and done, so very fulfilling and satisfying.

I've come to appreciate 2 or 3 special friends as sisters. I had "closed the door" with one of these women, but during the summer reached out, we met for lunch and it was like the past ten years of estrangement never happened. When you have a heart bond it was foolish to break it in my case. Of course, I don't know the intricacies of your friendship, but if the heart bond is there, or ever was there, it may do you good to pursue it.

dee

Scooby Doo · ‎03-14-2010

She's just setting a boundary. Any shrink will tell you that it's perfectly ok to set boundaries with people in order to keep your own sanity. I would respect her request and protect the friendship.

magicmoodz · ‎03-16-2010

Just a thought...is your friend a QVC board moderator? 😁

cotton4me · ‎03-09-2010

I can see both sides. It sounds like you’ve always been able to discuss certain things and now she no longer wants to do that. She might be going through a sensitive time and certain topics are difficult for her.

The only thing I can liken it to is when I asked my friend not to talk about injured animals or any distressing animal story. We live near a nature park. I think it was hard for her to do at first and I had to keep reminding her but she has honored my wishes.

Whatever topic your friend is referring to (divorce, job, children, politics, etc) it may be painful for her at this time. You asked for her help and she’s going to be there for you, but she also asked for your help in not discussing certain topics. It would be nice if you could both be there for each other.

Mistreatedbycs · ‎03-10-2010

Thanks to all who replied, yes, reading every single comment puts a whole new perspective on the subject....

However, I find it actually crazy that some of you can personally relate. I find each happening unique yet similar situation have occurred elsewhere.

I need to look at myself too and whatever is happening to whomever, redirect any conversations to the decorations I put out, the new grocery store I visited, shopping in general and stay away from all current events with everyone...I guess it is a sensitive time and all will pass and we'll all view it as old news, nothing to talk about.

Have a great day everyone!

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@KathyPet wrote:
If you no longer want to be friends over something as silly as this then I think you are the one who is not really a friend and she is losing nothing. Friends are kind to each other and respect each other's feelings. Obviously you do not and want to talk about what you want to talk about regardless of what she wants. Some friend.

@KathyPet

Well said !!!

Q4u · ‎03-17-2010

@Mistreatedbycs wrote:
So we've known each for years, she has a grown family and recently divorced after a number of years. We see each other about twice a year sharing lunches and dinners for our birthdays. Since her divorce we've seen each other for coffee and she helped me move and other little things. I've always been grateful and repaid her with either a small gift or even an occasional get together quick dinner and said "I'll pay".

I've asked her to help me this week and she said only if I don't talk about current events, I said "sure". Now I'm thinking, what has changed, why can't I be just me, why would I have to limit my conversation to what she wants....I don't think I want her as a friend anymore...don't friends accept you the way you are?

Yes, they accept the way you are and it should be vice versa as well.

If the problem for her is current events (politics) I can understand because I get very upset inside discussing current events and right now am not interested in talking about it at all (and may never want to again, lol).... however, she perhaps could have said nothing until you two actually got together ... But I don't think she commited any kind of sin against your friendship... I'd let it go completely and respect her comment as I don't believe it was a reflection on you, only only on her .... there's so much more to discuss anyway....

*~"Never eat more than you can lift......" Miss Piggy~*

Hooty · ‎03-09-2010

If you are that close of friends, ask her what exactly did she mean about not bringing up current events! Many on here have said, if you cannot accept that, then you are not a friend ........ why does a friendship have to be one-sided ........... why should you have to walk on "egg shells" just to not mention topics that she is not interested in hearing, that IMO, is not a friendship, you should accept each other as they are, not try to change them!