Re: RELATIONSHIP

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

I understand your hurt but I also understand a "boys night out" for just the guys. Maybe they knew the conversations might upset you.

Seems you need "the wisdom to know the difference."

If you can, accept it and enjoy your life with him.

Calcgirl · ‎03-10-2010

@Foxxee wrote:

@Calcgirl

Are you the one who previously posted your partner visits his family members without you during Christmas?

"Marriage is out of the picture mainly I believe because of his three grown children."

There are other widows and widowers who get married despite some of the kids don't approve. If he loved you he would marry you.

You said, "We get along." Is he thinking this relationship is one of convenience rather than love?

"I am hesitant to do so because he will get defensive for his sons and say it was a night out with his sons."

Did he move in with you or you move in with him? If he moved in with you, he has a place to live, a caretaker, cook, and housekeeper. If that's the case, I'd kick him out.

If you moved in with him...well I'd never do that. Either we'd get married and find another place to live, or he'd never see me again.

I wouldn't put up with this.

I

Yes, I am the one. He moved in with me, but definately helps me financially and does his part. He also shares in cooking, etc, so I don't feel taken advantage of. We actually get along quite well, so I have pretty much excepted that his adult children are jerks. LOL. As some one said the two who dismiss me live out of state. The one who lives here is fine. I think it helped me write this all down here to get it off my chest( I guess I could have written it on a paper and then threw it away LOL.. I won't lose sleep over the them. By the way, I should add they are always polite and friendly when I do see them.

My sisters husband and her son both said it was just a guy thing wanting a boys night out. Men can be weird LOL.

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

Overall, are you happy in this relationship? Does he respect you and show you love? If the answers are no, I would bail. If the answers are yes, I would enjoy the time you share together.

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@Foxxee wrote:

@Calcgirl

Are you the one who previously posted your partner visits his family members without you during Christmas?

"Marriage is out of the picture mainly I believe because of his three grown children."

There are other widows and widowers who get married despite some of the kids don't approve. If he loved you he would marry you.

You said, "We get along." Is he thinking this relationship is one of convenience rather than love?

"I am hesitant to do so because he will get defensive for his sons and say it was a night out with his sons."

Did he move in with you or you move in with him? If he moved in with you, he has a place to live, a caretaker, cook, and housekeeper. If that's the case, I'd kick him out.

If you moved in with him...well I'd never do that. Either we'd get married and find another place to live, or he'd never see me again.

I wouldn't put up with this.

I

@Foxxee, there are myriad reasons that couples who love each other decide not to marry.

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

tarsmom · ‎03-21-2010

@Calcgirl wrote:
@Foxxee wrote:

@Calcgirl

Are you the one who previously posted your partner visits his family members without you during Christmas?

"Marriage is out of the picture mainly I believe because of his three grown children."

There are other widows and widowers who get married despite some of the kids don't approve. If he loved you he would marry you.

You said, "We get along." Is he thinking this relationship is one of convenience rather than love?

"I am hesitant to do so because he will get defensive for his sons and say it was a night out with his sons."

Did he move in with you or you move in with him? If he moved in with you, he has a place to live, a caretaker, cook, and housekeeper. If that's the case, I'd kick him out.

If you moved in with him...well I'd never do that. Either we'd get married and find another place to live, or he'd never see me again.

I wouldn't put up with this.

I
Yes, I am the one. He moved in with me, but definately helps me financially and does his part. He also shares in cooking, etc, so I don't feel taken advantage of. We actually get along quite well, so I have pretty much excepted that his adult children are jerks. LOL. As some one said the two who dismiss me live out of state. The one who lives here is fine. I think it helped me write this all down here to get it off my chest( I guess I could have written it on a paper and then threw it away LOL.. I won't lose sleep over the them. By the way, I should add they are always polite and friendly when I do see them.
My sisters husband and her son both said it was just a guy thing wanting a boys night out. Men can be weird LOL.

My 2 cents here (I have some experience as my BFF remarried and her sons don't like her new spouse)...

I think your last comment about your sister's husband/son saying it was a guy thing is a big excuse. The reason why I say this is because they NEVER ask about you. That is just rude, especially after YOU have been caring for THEIR sick father. They should be THRILLED that their dad found a nice woman to love - otherwise, THEY would have to. That just ticks me off about adult kids. No, you are not replacing their mother, but guess what? She died and she's not coming back. Do you think they're worried that you are benefiting financially from their dad? I am happy the one son who lives in town is decent.

I hope you feel better and I hope you get some peace from this. Sending a hug!

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@Calcgirl While I think his out of town sons are very rude...my DH has two girls from a previous marriage. There have been times when it was just him and the girls, and it was OK with me. They needed time with their dad but we all had a good relationship so I didn't feel left out.

I'd have to say something about the sons behavior, or I would explode. You don't have to have a long drawnout talk about it, but my head would explode if his kids would treat me the way you are being treated.

I know sometimes I have to really point something out to my DH, so maybe your partner is not seeing what you see...

ThinkingOutLoud · ‎05-01-2020

I'm sorry you've been hurt and not feeling well.

If it were me (just speaking of the kids):

~ I would figure out what their love language/s are and act accordingly

~ I would 'kill em with kindness' and always let them know you'd like to see them, etc

~ I would also figure out their types (google 'it's Just My Nature' by Carol Tuttle) and work that angle as well

No reason the situation needs to continue this way but I wouldn't rely on others to change it. For all you know, they might come to a place of appreciating that you're in their dad's life.

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

Sometimes, waiting, because "you deserve better" can be a long one way, dead end journey!

If you love him, stay!

manny2 · ‎05-24-2010

You should share your feelings with your partner. A relationship is about honesty too bad if it upsets him. Tell him what you said here, you wont lose sleep over it, but its rude and hurtful.

I think there are a few things going on here with his family, and the main one with adult children is finance. Adult children do not want to share any potential inheritance with another partner.

I had a very good friend many years older then me. When she rekindled with an old flame before she died, her two sons made it clear to her, and him that they were very happy for them as long as she didn't change the will.

NEvans2 · ‎01-15-2017

@Calcgirl I, personally, would never put up with being treated like that. Were his full grown sons raised by wolves? You have been by your partners side through some pretty rough stuff. Where were his kids at? I would definitely tell your partner how you feel about the treatment you are getting from his sons. You don't have to be confrontational, just matter of fact. My father remarried about 18 months after my mother died. None of the four of us really liked the new wife. There was something about her that I didn't really trust. That proved to be true around eight years later when my Dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's dementia. She couldn't get out fast enough and divorced him. However, I always treated her with the respect due her as my father's wife. She was always included in all family functions and holidays. I as always cordial and tried for years to warm up to her, but I just couldn't. But I think I hid it well. Not in a hypocritical way, but , once again, she was my father's wife. So maybe it's time for the sons to put on their big boy pants and grow up!