Among Friends

[Nataliesgramma]

I would talk with him.....not text...Apologise and then not bring it up anymore......

Most men can let things go easier than women I think...

[dex]

@Greeneyedlady21@You have a lot to deal with and I am certain that you find very few peaceful happy moments in your day right now.I think that you should explain exactly how you feel to the person you are discussing and ask him for the support you need.You will have to spell it out for most men.If he is there for you and tries to give his support then it would seem to me that your relationship has hope.Most people especially men imo don’t have the ability to just recognize your needs so it is up to you to be open and honest.You may need more than that person has to give at this time but that is not his fault or yours.

I want to send you a huge hug,a nice cup of tea and some peace in your heart.

[hckynut]

@Greeneyedlady21

Not anymore. In the past there were certain things, when important to me, I might have done so. With age and lots of life experience, I realized it did nothing positive most of the time. Annalise? Yes, always have and always will, with things important to me and those close to me.  

I keep my mind occupied with things of a positive nature. I've realized now for many decades, negativity of any kind, can consume a person both physically and mentally, leaving them totally exhausted, and for what? Throw in my always being an Optimist, and "Life is Good"!

hn

[qualitygal]

@Greeneyedlady21, I'm sure plenty of us have done this before.  Don't overanalyze this and just move along to the next thing.  Realize how you get in your own way, and that can wear you right out!!!

[AngelPuppy1]

I totally get what you are saying and feeling.  I think at times I do this also.  When there is an issue or problem, I truly want to get to the bottom of it and I want to resolve it --- completely.  I don't want to sweep it under the rug, I don't want to ignore it, or put a band-aid over it.  I want to discuss it, figure out why it happened and what can be done so it doesn't happen again.  

I have a close family member who is really hard to deal with.  It took me a long time to realize fully that she has issues and I am not doing anything to cause the problems which arise between us frequently.  However, she will begin and go at it full guns blazing and then when I try to intervene and smooth things out and explain my point of view or discuss how things can be better, she takes everything negatively, refuses to focus on all of the positive things I have said and then just wants to drop the whole thing.  Its like she stirs up the pot and then --- boom -- she's done.  It's very unsettling.  I keep telling myself --- when she starts someting -- just let her go off and just keep your thoughts to yourself but it's very hard and I continuallhy get su*cked in.  I don't like problems to go unresolved,but sometimes it just can't be helped. 

[chiclet]

The only thing I over analyize is financial decisions.  I still make the wrong decisions.

[CalminHeart]

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@Greeneyedlady21 wrote:

Today I went one step too far, overanalyzing something someone had said to me in an apology. I should have just left it at that, but nooooo. I respect and like him very much, and he's been so good to me. Now I'm afraid I've ruined things, that it will never go back to the way it was before. Then again if it's conditional on me trying to be perfect to be liked, that's not good either. That was the old me. 

.

I did text him and say that I was sorry, that I don't want to lose his friendship and he was very nice about it. That's what it is, it's not romantic. I do have some of those feelings, but it's complicated.

My life right now has me so stressed and exhausted that all my emotions are just spilling over sometimes. Sometimes I just can't get out of my own head.

Anyone else have a problem with overanalyzing things-in relationships, situations, anything? Sometimes I think I subconsciously sabotage things on purpose.😔

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I've done this too...all my life.  All you can do is apologize and move on.  Invite him to lunch or something to break the ice.  And then work hard to not do it to him again.

I'm  learning how not to do it so much.  I started counseling a few months ago after Mom died.  My son is a therapist and referred me to one who uses EMDR in his therapy.  He studied this while in grad school (and after) and uses it with clients too.

While the therapist and I focused on 2 things, it's flowed over into many areas of my life and I'm able to blow off a lot, stay calmer, let go, stop analyzing, etc etc, as things happen.  I also am able to let a big chunk of the guilt/worry/anxiety go.     And I won't be in counseling much longer.  The tools given to me help me with meditation as well as with stress.  It's truly amazing.   It's been life changing for me!  

"Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a form of psychotherapy developed by Francine Shapiro which uses eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation to assist trauma victims in processing distressing memories and beliefs. It is commonly used for the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other traumas.  The theory behind the treatment assumes that when a traumatic or distressing experience occurs, it may overwhelm normal coping mechanisms, with the memory and associated stimuli being inadequately processed and stored in an isolated memory network."

It's also believed that when something is not addressed, many will continue to analyze and stress out over the issue.  Issues snowball over time so the anxiety builds.  It's certainly how I handled things...to the point of affecting many areas of my life.  

Whatever it is, it's helped me more than any talk therapy.  Yes, there is some talk but EMDR includes mucht more including tools to help every day.