Among Friends

[Greeneyedlady21]

Today I went one step too far, overanalyzing something someone had said to me in an apology. I should have just left it at that, but nooooo. I respect and like him very much, and he's been so good to me. Now I'm afraid I've ruined things, that it will never go back to the way it was before. Then again if it's conditional on me trying to be perfect to be liked, that's not good either. That was the old me. 

.

I did text him and say that I was sorry, that I don't want to lose his friendship and he was very nice about it. That's what it is, it's not romantic. I do have some of those feelings, but it's complicated.

My life right now has me so stressed and exhausted that all my emotions are just spilling over sometimes. Sometimes I just can't get out of my own head.

Anyone else have a problem with overanalyzing things-in relationships, situations, anything? Sometimes I think I subconsciously sabotage things on purpose.😔

[Sweet_Serenity]

In the past, huge problem for me, especially intimate relationships, complicated and difficult to go into here. No longer exists, one reason, realized I'm not good candidate for intimacy, not everyone is. 

Sounds like you're tired, need to step back, self-care. No one knows what you need better than you. Try relaxing, enjoying activities take your mind off of him.   

Be kind to yourself. Prayers for you. Blessings of peace and tranquility.🌷

[Catty2]

I do and it causes me so much unnecessary stress and anxiety.  Just a few days ago I went to a free class on Mindfulness and how it can help with stress.  I also try to do deep breathing and "tapping" which may or may not help depending on the day.  Wishing you peace in your life. 

[blackhole99]

Um, I'm more of a stewer or maybe obsessive when things don't go my way. I have a problem with family members who will not think twice about putting me in my place or putting me down. This has been going on my whole life. If I choose to have a relationship with certain female family members I set my self up for some kind of verbal abuse or slight. My days of trying to please everyone so they will think well of me, is in the past. I just spoke with my elderly aunt a few days ago and she thought I was criticizing something she said and she floored me with one of her comments. I made an excuse to end the conversation and vowed I would not obsess over her comment, but it stuck with me for days. It will be a heck of a long time before I speak with her again. I guess you just have to reconcile that no person is perfect and you need to associate with those who accept you for you and are not trying to make you feel guilty for your feelings or slay you to get back at you.

[Snowpuppy]

That entire post is over analyzing. You must be exhausted by the end of the day.

If you think this guy is thin skinned do you want a close relationship if you always have to walk on eggshells?

Maybe sabotage is just your way of saying "I'm done". Insread of Mr Right, he's only Mr. Right Now.

[Greeneyedlady21]

@Snowpuppy Yes I am exhausted at the end of every day, because I'm caring for my mother who is in hospice with terminal cancer. And frankly the whole issue I had with him today had to do with that. It's got zero do do with Mr. Right or Right Now, not interested in that at all.

 Thanks so much for your compassion. 

[Mominohio]

I know that I find when I'm stressed already, or exhausted, or simply discouraged or fearful (of real things like you are dealing with right now with your mother), I can't always trust my gut (and sometimes knee jerk) reactions. I have learned to not react quickly, but give myself some time to think and see if a different mood or at a time of less stress/fear/exhaustion, I will see the whole thing differently. 

When I'm under those pressures listed above, I'm too sensitive sometimes, and I have a tendency to over react. And yes, I do find myself hanging on to the incident or comments way too long, especially if I've escalated it or it has lead to confrontation. 

I've found that sometimes it is best for me to simply 'let someone get by with it' for the time, and give myself time to let it mull. Very often I realize it wasn't as bad as it seemed to be initially, and I'm then able to let it go. 

So for me, not reacting when I know I'm not 'me', and not escalating something in the moment makes it less of a 'thing' for me in the long run.

[jeanlake]

Certainly get what you're saying. Sometimes I have to tell myself -- stahp! Just stop thinking about something I have little or no control over. If you stop yourself enough it does help modify behavior. 

[Lucky Charm]

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@Greeneyedlady21 wrote:

@Snowpuppy Yes I am exhausted at the end of every day, because I'm caring for my mother who is in hospice with terminal cancer. And frankly the whole issue I had with him today had to do with that. It's got zero do do with Mr. Right or Right Now, not interested in that at all.

 Thanks so much for your compassion. 

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I feel so bad because of that post.  Not necessary.

I know exactly what you're saying, what you're doing and probably what you want.  

I could be wrong.

But this is probably someone who you'd like to de-stress with about the whole situation with your mother.  And I'm so sorry you're going through this right now.

When I'm at my worst and over anaylizing, I can count on my husband to *calm me, bring me back down*.  He always reminds me gently, 'don't let the highs get you too high or the lows get you too low'.  Maybe you need that or were hoping that with this guy?

Hopefully, this friend will realize how your emotions are all over the place and he will let you know that he cares and you needn't worry about what you said or did.  You have a lot on your plate right now.

I hope.

[Lilysmom]

@Greeneyedlady21, if you friend is really a friend, he will cut you some slack recognizing all that you have going on in your life.  Look forward, not back.  Take each day one at a time.  Your job right now is a hard one.  Sending good thoughts your way.  LM