Among Friends

[RetRN]

I've never understood wives babysitting their husbands. I have friends who pack their husbands suitcases when they go on vacation, make their medical and dental appointments, pick up their drycleaning, pay the bills...and on it goes. If something happens to the wife the poor husband is lost. Whatever happened to accountability for ourselves?

[Melania]

I'm sorry you are put in that position.

Is it possible his refills can be put on auto-ship so he never runs out? At least he doesn't have that excuse.

Sadly until an event happens they might change...but the worry you face about it is not fair when you are doing it from a place of love.

You can tell him that you married him in sickness and health but when he deliberately ignores his health it changes the game.

Perhaps you ask him has he thought of cost if he becomes ill and how it will be paid for if he can longer work.

Money to some men is more important than anything as it goes back to their manhood.

I like what the other poster said about telling him you are upping his life insurance as it also gets back to cost....money that he doesn't want to spend. But say oh well...I have to look out for me as you won't even do it for yourself.

I'm rambling...sorry.

I have the opposite. Mine gets our meds. out everyday just like his dad does. But he has no idea what he takes but he does take them. LOL 

[Mom2Dogs]

Recently my husbands insurance went thru a huge change....and I mean huge...we had to learn a LOT about looking for a new insurance carrier, how it was to be executed and how reimbursements were made, it was huge change for retired people in our state (retired state employees).   I did most of the reading, and explaining to him but he had to speak directly with the company that was handling the switch over but I listened in on the conversation to make sure I understood as well.   When anything comes up that needs to be addressed I told him to call and find out the answer...this may sound harsh to some but I said....pretend I am dead....  you need to understand this, it's your policy.

Initially the remark irritated him but frankly, I am not his mother, he needs to figure this stuff out...even tho I am younger I could die and he would be in a world of hurt.....I do pay all our bills and handle almost everything else in the house....except mowing the yard and blowing the snow off the drive......

[MacDUFF]

Here's how it would work in my home...

Handsome might snap at me (he usually doesn't thank goodness) and I would respond immediately, "don't speak to me in that tone of voice."  I might never remind him again (I usually forgive and forget) whereupon, when he runs out of [fill in the blank], I hear, "why didn't you remind me?"  UGH!  It's funny, but it's not!

Once, I had to take a week and a half to go home for an emergency.  When I returned, Handsome remarked about how much I do around the house!  I highly recommend taking some time off without him...it has to be enough time off that he has to do the laundry LOL...let him be responsible for cooking, cleaning, laundry, answering/returning phone calls, dealing with whomever, dishes, bills, neighbors, and remembering every little darned thing!!

Loving and caring can be exhausting!  He was probably just having a bad day @SeaMaiden

[MacDUFF]

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@RetRN wrote:

I've never understood wives babysitting their husbands. I have friends who pack their husbands suitcases when they go on vacation, make their medical and dental appointments, pick up their drycleaning, pay the bills...and on it goes. If something happens to the wife the poor husband is lost. Whatever happened to accountability for ourselves?

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@RetRN

I agree with you more than I disagree...I try to strike a balance...I'm just better at certain things than he is.  I know a woman who cuts her husband's meat I kid you not!!   Unless disability factored in...No way.  Not a chance in he##.  Better luck next time pal.  LOL.

[on the bay]

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@Sooner wrote:

I have bad days, sometimes I'm tired, sometimes worried about something, sometimes something I had happen to me during the day is something I don't want to talk about, etc. so I snap at my husband.

A couple of weeks ago we were cleaning the garage and I said something harsh to him, TOLD him to do something and he said wasn't I snapping at him?  I said YES I am!  We are cleaning the garage and I am mad and angry and frustrated and if I have to be happy and sweet and polite I'm going in the house!  He looked at me, laughed and said "OK!  I gottcha!"  

Unless it is an ongoing and pointed thing, let it go. Both of us do it sometimes, but sometimes everyone just feels abused and overwhelmed and reacts in a mean way.  Sometimes you just have to let it out!  

@Sooner love your response! I would have laughed too

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[Q4u]

Wow, I'd be hurt by that too.... interesting response, but I'd let it go (I pick my fights). However, in this case I'd let DH fill his own meds from now on.    

I've always offered to pick his Meds up, get dry cleaning, etc. when he worked full time but now that we're retired, he takes up the slack and takes care of what he needs.  As a matter of fact, he was a VP managing over 500 people when he worked so he'd rather take care of these things....  and frankly I'm grateful.

[nagrom]

I guess I'm in the minority here.   With several serious health issues I try to do as much as I can.   My motto is use it or lose it.   I tease my hubby of 47 years that he is micromanaging me.  He teases me back asking if I'm micromanaging him?   He allows me to do some things when I can.   I appreciate that he does watch over me like I took care of him during his six years of active cancer surgeries.   Thank the Lord he is in remission.   We are a give and take couple as needed.

[hckynut]

"men want us to take care of them"? 

As an independent man, that is a very big generalization of all men. My wife and I respect each other enough to ask each other if we want a reminder when it comes to our meds, and/or our overall health.

I cannot relate to your post because our relationship might be a tad different than that of you and your spouse. My response to this thread is mainly because I am not fond of overgeneralization of either gender when it comes to being dependent or independent.

Might be a good idea for you and DH to talk calmly about who does what and when. Communication with each other works very well in our home.

[qualitygal]

Although a lot of women are caregivers in many ways, we have to be careful not to move from wife (and still be thoughtful) to mother. Besides that men can be testy too!!! Who knows what makes them testy at those times of our trying to just be thoughtful and helpful? We need a testy husband picture here! Try and not let it bother you. After all, we've probably given them a few testy times too. JMHO