Need your introspection on this issue please

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

This morning I mentioned to DH that he was getting low on his blood pressure medications( the bottles are sitting on the night stand). His response back to me was "WHAT, ARE YOU COUNTING THEM FOR ME?

I guess I had... not with any mean intentions... just in a caring way.

I was a bit taken back. I just know that he is busy with work( I am now not working) and I was CARING enough to want to be sure it was not over looked. I feel hurt and upset that that was his come back. In one regard Men want us to take care of them... and in another perhaps it makes them feel less than a Man. Of course it is nothing he has ever discussed with me.( He never really tells me how he feels... typical male...)

I suppose it is hard to draw that line where caring turns into being overly protective and suffocating.

Yes I take care of him... have for 35 plus years. How do I distance myself and not care? I do many things for him out of caring and love. I think that because I do these things all the time, he does not realize what I do for him. Things are just done for him and that is just the way it always has been. And that is OK. i do not expect any kind of thank-you. What I do, I do it out of love.

I reminded him that after I had had dental surgery recently and was on antibiotics, he regular would ask me if I took my pill.... and I did not come back with "WHAT. ARE YOU CHECKING UP ON ME?" I took it as a caring loving statement.

So I am rather ticked off at him right now. I always get over it. But ,I feel it was hurtful and it pained my heart for him to say what he did in such a manner. I wish he had just said "YES. I AM AWARE OF THAT" . That is what I would have said.

Thank-You for being my sound board. I feel better just writing this out.

bonnielu · ‎03-11-2010

Welcome to the club. I do think his response was about something else.... something on his mind and he reacted out of some frustration.

I get hurt too, and often if I am "snapped at" I just walk away. I NEVER ARGUE

But I will say after 50 years of marriage I could not ask for a better partner and I feel blessed to be having a great life full of wonderful family and f riends.

So hang in there, just be you, and don't worry because your intentions were good and honorable.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

@bonnielu wrote:
Welcome to the club. I do think his response was about something else.... something on his mind and he reacted out of some frustration.

I get hurt too, and often if I am "snapped at" I just walk away. I NEVER ARGUE

But I will say after 50 years of marriage I could not ask for a better partner and I feel blessed to be having a great life full of wonderful family and f riends.

So hang in there, just be you, and don't worry because your intentions were good and honorable.

@bonnielu Thank-you. What you said in the bold hylighted is interesting... you know, we have been together for so long... and sometimes I really do not know if I know him at all in many respects.

IMW · ‎06-15-2014

Same issues here, 40 years and going strong. I get called " the stalker" by my dh. He tells me to stop watching him!

Let him take care of rx and ignore him.

In good marriages spouses take care of each other in different ways through the years.

It seems to be a gender issue, women are more the caretakers, men the ones living in ignorant bliss(usually). This is meant as a very gross generalization.

mima · ‎03-14-2010

Many years ago my husbands BP needed to be monitored. I had a cuff and told him it I needed to take it. He said "yes Mommy" in a snotty voice. I put it down and said he was in charge from then on. If he wanted me to take it to ask. He never asked. Later he was put on BP meds. Then I was always asking if he took his meds. Again, he got grumpy. I told him at that time he was in charge, I would never ask again. I told him I was not going to worry about the meds anymore and I would just up his life insurance instead. I didn't do that latter, but told him I was going to.

We've been married 41 years now and he takes care of his own. If he doesn't I can't help that. I think he is doing a pretty good job of it now though since I "kind of" watch, but never ever say anything anymore.

It's not worth the fight. He is a big boy.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

@mima wrote:
Many years ago my husbands BP needed to be monitored. I had a cuff and told him it I needed to take it. He said "yes Mommy" in a snotty voice. I put it down and said he was in charge from then on. If he wanted me to take it to ask. He never asked. Later he was put on BP meds. Then I was always asking if he took his meds. Again, he got grumpy. I told him at that time he was in charge, I would never ask again. I told him I was not going to worry about the meds anymore and I would just up his life insurance instead. I didn't do that latter, but told him I was going to.

We've been married 41 years now and he takes care of his own. If he doesn't I can't help that. I think he is doing a pretty good job of it now though since I "kind of" watch, but never ever say anything anymore.

It's not worth the fight. He is a big boy.

@mima OK... than it is not just all 'Me". Yes, I can try to be less controlling... but when you are doing it out of love, it is a much harder habit to break. I do the same thing setting out his vitamins. I do it out of love. Not because I enjoy doing it. He sees that as also getting in his "space". He never controls me or really worries about me. I wish I could take that kind of stance.

sweetee2 · ‎06-21-2015

Good morning, this is about something else. We had a adjustment period when I retired and my better half CHOOSE to keep working. What ever the reason he didn't have a right to talk to you that way. I would let home know that very clearly. It doesn't matter how long you have been married. It's about respect. I been married 43 years and I would never let that slide.

sligo · ‎10-20-2010

totally agree with you. I have been married50 years. I count out hid BP mrds and chol. meds every day.Every night I ask if he has taken his meds. I think most men are the same.They feel (I think) this is your douty as a wife. Not a single time has my husb. asked if I took my meds. YES it does hurt your feelings. No use saying anything. Some husbands have SELECTIVE HEARING!!!! LOL

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@SeaMaiden If I were you, I would delete my post. Before you know it, your DH will be sliced-and-diced to the point where you can't remember why you even married him.

JMO

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

I have bad days, sometimes I'm tired, sometimes worried about something, sometimes something I had happen to me during the day is something I don't want to talk about, etc. so I snap at my husband.

A couple of weeks ago we were cleaning the garage and I said something harsh to him, TOLD him to do something and he said wasn't I snapping at him? I said YES I am! We are cleaning the garage and I am mad and angry and frustrated and if I have to be happy and sweet and polite I'm going in the house! He looked at me, laughed and said "OK! I gottcha!"

Unless it is an ongoing and pointed thing, let it go. Both of us do it sometimes, but sometimes everyone just feels abused and overwhelmed and reacts in a mean way. Sometimes you just have to let it out!