Among Friends

[Ladygray]

I'm new to QVC.    I found these forums and thought I might be able to find some guidance here.   You all seem to be so helpful to one another from what I've been reading.

I am very good friends with a man who is currently separated from his wife.   He has two children, both in college.   We haven't really dated as a couple, but there are many sparks between us and we flirt and talk all the time.   He and his estranged wife are working out details about their situation.   They currently have separate residences.

We talk most every night either via phone or text or e-mail.   We joke, we flirt, we share our days events with each other.   When he is with his kids (who are home from college for the summer) I try to not bother him or I'll wait for his cue to get in touch with him.

Last week, I didn't respond to his e-mail because I had come home from a hard day at work and collapsed in bed and slept through most of the evening hours.   I read his e-mail the next morning and responded.   He responded back and said he looked forward to talking to me later.   I sent him a longer e-mail during the day but never heard back neither via e-mail nor a call or text.   The last time we did talk, I asked what his kids were going to do for him for Father's Day, and he didn't know.   We have plan to spend the day together the next weekend that I have been looking forward to for a long time.

Friday morning at work, I get a text from him with a picture taken out of a hotel room on the beach.   All he wrote was "Great weather here in Sarasota."   That's all, no explanation why he was there,   I didn't know how to respond so all I could think of to respond was just an "Enjoy,"  instead of endless questions or wanting an explanation.  Plus, I'm at work and couldn't be texting back and forth from there all morning.   I was upset, but didn't want to be a drama queen.   I didn't know if he was there with his kids for Father's Day weekend or who knows, maybe he was with his estranged wife.   It was so cryptic.   I never heard back from him at all.   Nothing.   Plus, when he's with his kids, I don't like to text him or make things uncomfortable for him.  

I don't know why he'd just leave me a message like that knowing I would be confused.   I'm hurt that he hasn't explained or at least responded again.   I don't even know when he plans to return.   I feel awkward responding now, makes me look like I'm groveling.   I don't know what to think or do at this point.

I keep thinking if the situation were reversed, he'd be just as upset and hurt that I'm leaving him wondering.   That's how I feel.  

[KingstonsMom]

Are you sure that he's actually separated from his wife and they live in separate housing?

It sure sounds to me like there's a lot of 'sneaking around behind backs' going on here.

It wouldn't be the first time a man 'claimed' to be separated/divorced when they weren't.

It's happened to me more than once.

[Isobel Archer]

I don't know what's going on with him, but it does seem odd that if you have been emailing, texting, phoning every day, that suddenly there is this cryptic text and then nothing since then.

I will say that putting yourself in the position of waiting and wondering is not good for you overall.

Personally, I would pull back emotionally here until I was very sure he really was going to divorce his wife and really was interested in pursuing a relationship with me.

[hoosieroriginal]

Afraid you're being played girl!  Cut this jerk off and find someone available - married men aren't your best choice.  He's still emotionally involved with this woman - you're second in line - just available when he needs you.   He's a player and telling you what he thinks you need to hear to keep you on the hook.

[TheMemphisVette]

been there done that

1.   you last responded.  now his turn.  wait.  no response after 3 days, when you were in contact daily tells you alot.

2.   you stated you have confirmed plans for next weekend.  he would be communicating about that if he is still planning on meeting that commitment.

3.   you are rebound.   that is not always long term.   sometimes it works, but it is healthier for one leaving a long term relationship or marriage to date around and get over the ex before jumping back

4.   until he is legally free, he is not.

5.   pace yourself here.   protect your heart.

also, if his trip was hush hush for some reason he would not be texting the view and location info.   why he did not communicate a trip is interesting.  even a last minute thing would merit a communication to you since you were in touch daily.  hopefully there is a reasonable explaination.

[KentuckyWoman]

Sounds like you really like this man and even though you aren't dating or an official couple in the traditional sense, you are having some doubts about him.  Apparently he didn't feel he it was neccessary to tell you he was going away but he sent you a text from wherever and let you know he was having a great time.  I guess I'm just suspicious by nature so my advice would be to pull back, put on the brakes, drop him like a hot potato.  This sounds like it may not end well for you. 

[Group 5 minus 1]

This relationship is going nowhere. You want more than he is willing to give. Dump him.

[missy1]

Have you been to his home to know he is the only one living there?

It sounds like you are in a "relationship of convenience" (his side)

I would wait until his divorce is final.  He is not in a committed relationship with you, so he doesn't have to explain where is he or what he is doing. I would move on and date others.

[queendiva]

@Ladygray: This man is using you. If you leave him he will find a replacement for you in a flash. Even IF he is separated he is not really available to you. He is married until he is divorced. He sounds like a charmer as wel as a chump.Remember, no one can ever use you without your permission. He knows how you feel about him and he is enjoying the big Ego boost your attention provides in his life right now. 

Let's just say I have more life experience and maybe more self respect than you do at this moment. Cut him out of your life today. Take back your life and your emotions. Flirt with a man who is available to you in every way. You deserve nothing less!  Part of the attraction is that he is not available to you except when HE wants to be, Think about that for a moment.

Your Prince is out there somewhere. Make yourself available to someone else and enjoy flirting with others. You are correct. Listen to the women on these boards. We will not steer you wrong. A "relationship" that must be on his terms and hidden from even one person is nothing but a fantasy and will only lead to heartbreak. That is not the environment needed for love to grow.

Be strong and love yourself first. Find a man who deserves you! Never, ever settle!

[reiki604]

Instead of sitting and wondering what's going on, how about calling him and deciding for yourself if you want to continue with him. You are giving him quite a lot of power over you and your feelings. The only way to find out what is going on between you is to ask. Communication is essential in any relationship be it platonic or romantic. Many of my single friends will not date a separated man. They say that the men are too messed up and need time to sort out why the marriage failed. Some won't even date someone unless they've been divorced at least a year. These are women who are in control of their own lives and are in charge of their own happiness.