@Ladygray
You say you haven't dated this man yet, that you just flirt, email, text, and call, and from sounds of it there's been one time you had made plans to see each other. If I understood that correctly then I'd say even though it hurts which I understand if you're not actually dating he doesn't owe you any explanation about Sarasota and why he's there. If you're not dating there's no promise or contract between you two that says I am dating you and am now with you therefore certain things are a given and are expected. Currently even though YOUR heart is involved, you are just flirting, emailing, texting, sometimes calling, hoping for more, friends. Unless he says he wants more which you seem to want and he is willing to show you I'd get out now, there's NO reason for him not to date you IF he really wants to. If he says he's just waiting until this or that happens then you can date, it's just excuses and I'd get out.
This Sarasota text may be his way of trying to ****** you off in the hopes you'll stop whatever this nondating relationship is for whatever reason. Maybe he got back with or never left his wife and is trying to hint at it. Maybe he's trying to feel you out and see exactly how much he can get away with without any explanation to decide if you're an easy woman to be with or have on the side that he can control and or manipulate while keeping you and doing what he wants to do.
I think the type of nondating relationship you're currently having with him sounds like most of this relationship is done via email and text with a few calls and is a very easy relationship for a married man to have. He can flirt, get his ego stroked, get the thrill we get when we are beginning a new courtship, yet do it in a way his wife is totally in the dark. He can email and or text you with her in the same room! He may eventually get up the nerve to sneak away and actually see you all the while having no intention of leaving his wife.
If you're still interested in pursuing this "relationship" this is what I suggest. I'd CALL him when he's with his adult children and see how he reacts. If he and his wife really are in the process of working out the details of their divorce and really are separated there should be absolutely no reason why his grown kids can't know. I'd also stop by his residence. Find some reason, maybe he had a rough day at work and you thought a homemade dinner or pizza would be nice, or a bottle of wine, anything to actually go to the place he says he lives. If he really wants a relationship with you there shouldn't be a problem! If he's truly separated there's NO reason this should be a problem. If a woman answers I'd immediately introduce myself and say "hi I'm Susan, I'm a friend of Bob's, what's your name? Nice to meet you, are you his wife, do you live here?" I'd initiate a conversation immediately before he has a chance to come out and run interference in case it is his wife. If it is his wife again if they are separated and getting divorced since there is no custody issue there should be NO problem meeting her! If he runs you off or says "I was just leaving" I'd say "well since I'm here why don't you show me your apartment/house real quick, I'd love to see where you are when we talk" or something like that. If he won't let you in I'd be very suspicious. If given excuses I'd say "I don't care if it's messy, sparse, you're embarrassed, it's where you live I care about you and I want to see inside unless you have something to hide". If his wife is there and he runs you off and later tries to give you a line how she happened to stop by to talk about the divorce I'd be very suspicious because if that's the case again there's NO reason you two can't meet! To be absolutely sure if you know her name and place of work or you can pay the $8 to get her number, call, and or email her, just contact HER, but ONLY IF he claims he wants to DATE you exclusively and tell her you are considering dating Bob exclusively and want to make sure he is being honest about the impending divorce.
Don't be some man's mid life reinforcement that he still has it. You deserve better! I know what I'm saying is manipulative and possibly paranoid but I've had 2 friends who's husband's cheated and not just cheated physically which is bad enough but they cheated emotionally which hurt them worse. They had no idea it was happening, and they thought their marriage was great and there were no issues! These men are cunning, manipulative, and smart! I think especially after the hotel room Sarasota text you need and deserve some proof he really is getting divorced if you're going to continue investing your time and opening your heart in this relationship! I would not tell him you want proof just yet, I'd try other ways or what I suggested simply because he can always get someone to lie and play his soon to be ex wife and say what you want to hear.
All women including you deserve to be loved and to have a man all to themselves! In my opinion the most important thing in a any relationship is trust, without it you have nothing. Ask yourself "do I trust this man completely?" "Can I continue this nondating relationship with him without an explanation about Sarasota or with an explanation but knowing how he went about it and how much it hurt, do my feelings matter to him?"
The best of luck to you! Please keep us posted.
Remember should you leave him there's a reason you're no longer with him, don't go back to what you left! There's plenty more out there!
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