My Sister Is Devestated - Page 2

NickNack · ‎03-10-2010

I agree with others that she needs to see the best possible divorce lawyer she can find ASAP. I don't think cashing in her 401k would be wise. I live in TN, and spouses aren't entitled to 1/2. I don't know where she lives, but hopefully that's not the case there either, especially in the case of adultery.

The Bluebird Carries The Sky On His Back"
-Henry David Thoreau

BornToShop · ‎03-10-2010

@Snowpuppy, she is the primary breadwinner, they are living in a state that declares he would be entitled to half of her 401k. She doesn’t want to hide her 401k, but due to his out-of-the-blue exit, she wants to do what it takes to ensure he won’t get a dime; even if it means taking a hit on her 401k. Her concern is being able to afford an attorney since he left her in a financial crisis without notice. Concealment is not her intent, but survival at her age with Social Security & her 401k would be her only source of income now.

SXMGirl · ‎07-07-2010

Let me also say something else about adding locks. She doesn't want him coming and going in the middle of the night. From a friend's experience, she never knew if her husband would be sleeping at the house, he would show up at 2 a.m., and just made her miserable and she could not get any sleep. Since your sister has a job, she doesn't need the additional stress as she has enough on her plate right now.

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

Totally agree, first task is finding a lawyer. It's too late to cash out 401k. She needs to know her rights. My sister was divorced about four years ago. She was the breadwinner of the family and they have two teenagers. After he asked for the divorce, he emptied the joint checking account and opened an account in his name only at a different bank. She didn't have enough cash to buy a cup of coffee. It turned into the war of the roses. They both lived in the house for eight months until the divorce was final. My sister ended up having to give her ex a portion of her 401k amongst a bunch of other things.

Not saying this will happen to your sister. In CT, the law protects the spouse that was a low earner. Sister's ex won an emmy playing the role of the stay at home dad and was awarded nicely.

Snowpuppy · ‎03-09-2010

@BornToShop wrote:
@Snowpuppy, she is the primary breadwinner, they are living in a state that declares he would be entitled to half of her 401k. She doesn’t want to hide her 401k, but due to his out-of-the-blue exit, she wants to do what it takes to ensure he won’t get a dime; even if it means taking a hit on her 401k. Her concern is being able to afford an attorney since he left her in a financial crisis without notice. Concealment is not her intent, but survival at her age with Social Security & her 401k would be her only source of income now.

Too late.

They will get a court order if necessary to access financial records for a reasonable period. Usually 1-3 yrs prior to filing for divorce.

If she needs cash she should see if she can borrow against her 401k. Most require the spouse to sign, tho for a loan, cashout or withdrawing all or part.

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

All her concerns would be best addressed by an attorney. Tell her not to listen to friends giving advice.

BornToShop · ‎03-10-2010

@SXMGirl, spot on with the locks and access to their home. She immediately “hid” home assets he would likely confiscate. What kind of a person is so intent to destroy a faithful spouse that until now thought they were a forever couple? What happened to vows? I am a believer in karma. Thank you for your emphatic insight.

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

And another thing ,not wanting to pay child support in todays world alot has changed compared to 20-25 years ago. Once again no advice from friends.

BornToShop · ‎03-10-2010

@GCR18, omg...your sister needs the medal of valor. I could not imagine enduring 8 months in their home with the devil. It makes me sick to hear he prevailed.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

See an attorney asap.

She needs to get her ducks is a row, then file.

She should only discuss this with very FEW people she trusts.

He is entitled to 50%, She can't hide it, even by cashing it out early.

She can change the locks, but he is legally allowed in "their" house. Until a legal paper is drawn up, he can come and go as he pleases. (unless it's a domestic violence type of thing)

As I read on here and people on IRL think their marriage is solid. At any given time, things change. Or half of the couple is leading a secret double life.

Most likely he found a much younger lady, and knows that he will be $et with his new found love. (on your sisters dime)

@BornToShop