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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,193
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@CareBears, you are truly one of my best forum friends; shaking my head on your dad, my sister & I will truly appreciate your prayers...she will need it.  

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,630
Registered: ‎08-19-2014

  I’m so sorry for your sister.I can’t imagine her pain.Your sister needs a good divorce attorney now!! There are so many things she needs to do ASAP. That’s why she needs legal expert counsel now!! 

  Good luck!! Please let us know what happens.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,193
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@missy1, that is exactly what happened.  My sis is a very smart & savvy person.  When I say she (and we as her family) was blindsided, it is beyond belief.  I do not understand how the law does not support the victim, which she clearly is.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,755
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

The first thing that I would do is drain all the joint accounts. Then get a lawyer. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,473
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@BornToShop

 

Sorry to hear about this BUT sadly it happens more often than we know.

 

(happened to a family member last year YET he still wanted more in the divorce - she has a very high paying job.  He ran up all their joint credit cards ugh)

 

My advice get lawyer, notify all joint creditors & change the locks!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,179
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@BornToShop  Does you sister's husband have a job or gets SS? (or both)

 

Your sister might have been blindsided, but IMO he probably has been having this affair for some time to just pack up and leave. He knows his wife is about to retire. If your sister is the breadwinner, she may have to pay for his legal bills. I am guessing he contributed some, since it will now be leaving her in a financial bind. 

 

Even though it doesn't matter in most states if one party has affair with divorce, I would probably hire a PI just to find out the situation. (this is bad)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,346
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

What an awful thing to do. My guess is that he will get a lawyer to get half of everything. I don't think retiring early is a solution. She needs the best lawyer she can find.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,775
Registered: ‎08-30-2015

@BornToShop I did not speak to my Dad for 10 years, both of us said and did things that can never be undone or unsaid, but somehow we worked through our differences and made up a couple of years before he passed away, now I scream it from rooftops life is too short to stay angry you never know what tomorrow may bring, so live for every moment and be happy!  I am a firm believer in prayer and your sister has me on her side, I have seen too many woman go through what she is facing and it is nothing but disgusting how someone you once loved and trusted could betray their partner like your BIL did to your sister.  Tell her to stay stong, and do not let him bring her down, but YES definitely tell herself to get herself a good lawyer and fast!   Prayers going up, and tell her lots of people are thinking of her and I hope she can feel the love we are sending to her!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,580
Registered: ‎06-03-2010

First things that come to mind are:

 

1.  Get to the bank and take at least 50% of what is in there since 1/2 would be your fair share - get there before he takes all of it.  KEEP RECORDS of what is in each account, and what you take out.

 

2.  Check and see if your vehicles are owned by, if it's "or", or "and".  If they state Mrs. OR Mr., then he could sell your vehicles without your permission.

 

3.  Check and see who the utilities have on the accounts.  If only him, he could have them shut off without your knowledge.

 

4.  Figure out your credit cards.  Not sure exactly what you need to do, possibly close so he and his new "girlfriend" doesn't charge a bunch and leave you with the bill (or 1/2 of it).

 

5.  Make sure he doesn't have the checkbook - you don't want him writing checks all over town that you'll be 50% responsible for.

 

6.  Have a consultation with EVERY great lawyer in town.  That way, they will not be able to represent him, since they have a history or background on you.  He will have to hire an attorney that you haven't had any consultations with.

 

7.  I would immediately stop any extra money going into your 401K.  No sense in handing more money over to him later on.

 

8.  Get all financial records that you can find and keep them in a safe place that he can't access.  Tax records, retirement accounts, bank account information, etc...  Anything you can think of that he could have money stashed.

 

9.  And last but not least, DON'T SHARE INFORMATION WITH HIM.  And don't fall for the "I want to get back together" line that he might try to get more info.  I have a friend who's wife left and then she crawled back only to have a place to stay for a few months.  Once she found her new place, she actually told him that she had no intention of getting back together - she only needed a place to stay temporarily!

 

10.  Oh, and make sure he doesn't have access to all your email, personal, financial accounts - change the passwords immediately.

 

Best of luck to her, she might not realize it, but he may have done her a favor in the long run, instead of waiting until she is older, or sick.  Prayers for your sister - she will be OK and be stronger once this is over - the best is yet to come!

 

Make an appointment with an attorney right away!

 

 

 



......You look like I need a drink.....
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,702
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

This happens more than you think, after 25 years of marriage this happened to my SIL. She wasn't devastated or mad, she got even. When he was away from the house on a weekend with his new love, she and her sisters moved everything out of the house, lock stock and barrel. When he came back on Monday to get his stuff the only thing that was left in the house was empty pizza boxes. He called the police, the police questioned the neighbors and no one saw anything. She also got half of everthing they aquired during their marriage even though everything was in his name.Also, because she did not remarry she gets half of his SS and half his teachers pension. He also had to keep her on his medical insurance until she finished school and got a job that provided medical insurance. This was 20 years ago. All you need is a good lawyer and a empathetic judge. Knowing my BIL he would have scre--- her over big time if she had not been proactive.