Among Friends

[BornToShop]

My sister who is a year older than me, 65 found out this past Friday that her husband of 23 years suddenly, and I do mean suddenly literally packed up, left her not honoring his financial obligations putting her in a financial bind, claimed to have met someone else.  When I say sudden, I mean sudden.  No indication this would occur, no hint of marital discontent.  She is devestated.  She has an excellent income with her job, has a nice 401k nest egg saved.  Her concerns are him getting half of her 401k that he so not deserves.  She is contemplating early retirement now, cashing in her 401k so this disgusting piece of low life cannot get a dime from her 401k.  Her social security would be roughly a $400 less if she waited to 66.  Her strategy is to retire early, cashing in her 401k.  Any penalties would be better than letting that scumbag getting any of her 401k.  She is thinking retiring now that a judge would consider her Social Security & 401k would validate her only source of income rendering his access null & void.  I would greatly appreciate any posters here who have experienced the same horrific scenario giving feedback to help my sister.  TIA.    

[Janey2]

She should see a lawyer, immediately

[pugvette74]

Lawyer ASAP!!!

[CareBears]

@BornToShop My Dad virtually did the same thing, but he divorced us kids too, his new wife, wanted nothing to do with us, which was fine with us as we wanted nbothing to do with her, anyway tell your sister to get a good lawyer!  My BIL did it to my sister too, and he was living in a virtual mansion with this girlfriend, and not giving my sister a penny, she had trouble buying groceries after paying all the bills on her own, without a lawyer, her husband would have gone on leaving her virtually penniless, they are not cheap though so I will forewarn you, but he sounds like a SOB that feels he is entitled and I would not be surprised if he goes after everything he can get, I know my BIL did and me made over $250,000 a year, but he did not want to even pay child support!  BTW, I will pray for your sister, and I am truly sorry that this happened to her!

[I am still oxox]

She needs to find a lawyer asap and protect her accounts

[Annabellethecat66]

Tell her to immediately find a good lawyer.  He/she will tell your sister the steps she must take to protect herself ( financially).  Do it first thing tomorrow.  

Have her gather all paperwork she has pertaining to their financial matters.  She'll need all of their IRS filings, etc.

Tell her it might seem like the end of the world, but it isn't.  She has you and other family members.  She needs to protect herself.  Women are a lot stronger than they think.  

Don't let her waste any time tomorrow.  She needs to legally put an end to his taking advantage of her financially because that's what's important now at her age.  She will see a side of him she never knew existed and it won't be pretty ( look at what he's done already).

Just come back and let us know she's gotten legal help.  She can do it.  Divorce?  Honey, my mother was married 6 times to 3 different men, and so on.  

My my guess is she'll come out OK but she must get legal help immediately.  Any papers, tell her to hide them so he can't take them until HER lawyer sees them.

[OKPrincess]

She needs to seek legal advice ASAP. Maybe he won't be able to get anything from her 401k since he "abandoned" her but  all states are different. Who knows? Maybe he has funds hidden somewhere and won't want anything from her. Sorry for her especially at her age. 

[tansy]

I don’t see how cashing in her 401k would keep the creep from getting funds from her if he’s legally entitled to a share.  As suggested here she needs to *lawyer up* immediately.

[SXMGirl]

@BornToShop. I am so sorry.  Your sister must be devastated and she will need her family and friends to be there for her.  However, what she needs is the best lawyer that she can find/afford.  Someone who is experienced in this type of situation.  And, she needs to listen to her attorney and not necessarily follow her heart. 

She also needs to take inventory of what assets are in the home, get herself money out of the bank, and maybe even add additional locks to the home.  Legally, she probably cannot change the locks, but she should ask her attorney if she can add locks so that he cannot come in and out at will and take anything out of the home without them both  agreeing.  She doesn't want to come home one day and find all of the furniture gone (I know someone who had that happen).

I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers.

[Snowpuppy]

Think again.

Is she the breadwinner? You said 0 about his finances.

In most situations he is entitled to 1/2 of what they accumulated together during their marriage. 

Any good attorney would advise not to hide assets. Esp after a spouse departs. It's concealment.