MOM HAD A FALL SATURDAY - Page 4

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Peaches McPhee wrote:
Get your mom a PRI (Patient Review Instrument) administered by someone trained to do so. This is an assessment that rates Mom's ability to do certain everyday tasks, from making breakfast for herself to toileting. It tells what types of care Mom should have -- independent up to nursing home and everything inbetween. At least then you will know for sure.

@Peaches McPhee. She had to have 5 out 10 criteria to meet having the reimbursement from her long term care insurance.

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

What an enlightening thread!

I am an "older parent" and facing any of these situations is really scary!

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

I feel as long as the senior person has all their marbles, they should be allowed their autonomy and independence, even if we think their physical safety is at risk.

I think a person's spirit should not be broken.

We can explain and ask them to go to AL or wherever, but if they feel they don't want to, I think that should be respected.

The only exception to this is DRIVING.

You are dealing with innocent strangers then. If the senior person needs to give up their keys, it should be done whether they like it or not.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:
I feel as long as the senior person has all their marbles, they should be allowed their autonomy and independence, even if we think their physical safety is at risk.
I think a person's spirit should not be broken.
We can explain and ask them to go to AL or wherever, but if they feel they don't want to, I think that should be respected.
The only exception to this is DRIVING.
You are dealing with innocent strangers then. If the senior person needs to give up their keys, it should be done whether they like it or not.

This is such a touchy subject, as we all value our independence and want control over our lives.

And my only 'argument' (not that I'm actually arguing with this post) is that if the senior person 'has all their marbles', they would not be taking unnecessary risks with their health and safety.

I think the fact that they, say, insist on keeping their huge three story home, even after a fall and a broken hip, and fights getting in home help or moving to someplace more acceptable to their physical state, shows they really don't 'have all their marbles'. They aren't making good choices, much like we don't when we are teens. They thought nothing of shutting us down when we were being dangerous, and maybe we shouldn't either.

sidsmom · ‎11-25-2011

@Mominohio wrote:
@2blonde wrote:
@KingstonsMom @Shanus @fthunt @Hoovermom @chrystaltree You know, after reading all these responses, I think the real problem with older people fighting to stay out of the nursing home boils down to just one truth. They know the nursing home is the last step before you die.

As I think about it now.......even as an educated, rational person, I might be just as stubborn when I get to that age (God willing). I'm trying really hard to stay healthy and fit, but at 69 and holding........I already see some changes I don't like.

And it isn't just the step before death for so many, but they are terrible places often times. Even the better ones are no picnic, so I can see why people want to avoid them. Many horrendous stories about what has gone on in many nursing homes, and I'm sure many more unreported stories as well.

I don't know anyone who really wants to go to a nursing home.

If older people ‘fight to stay out of the nursing home’,

having their kids continually perpetuate that fear is not going to help.

I dislike when people make these broad brushstrokes of

Nursing Home = Evil.

Caregiving can be good or bad.

Nursing homes? That’s just geography.

In-home Care, Assisted Care, Assistant Living...all these different levels

of care can have really ugly caregivers without the adult children knowing.

Yes, nursing homes, as well. You must know your facility.

But to say ‘horrendous stories’ about nursing homes?

It can be the same ‘horrendous stories’ about in-home care.

Continually saying nursing homes are ‘no picnic’ is an ugly myth

that needs to end. The Boogey Man doesn’t live there.

If adult children continues to say this around their parents...

then the day comes for those parents to be admitted to

a nursing home? All that unwarranted angst for the parent just

because the adult children are believing something that has no

merit. Those parents I feel sorry for.

Careful with your words...your loved ones might be listening.

cherry · ‎03-09-2010

It's a fine line from helping, and taking away someones rights, to live out their life as they wish.

Is their any guarantees that the new place is going to be any safer ,,and she won't fall? It is a hard choice. We had to place mom in a care facility, because she had Alzheimer's, and needed help we just couldn't give. I didn't feel good about it, but she got decent care and was treated kindly

I know its a burden to have to travel that far, if you find a place will she be happy there?

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

Just having a medical POA will not allow you to move your mother against her will. I needed a great deal of legal documentation that my mother was not capable of making sound decisions in order to gain a guardianship. It was a fairly long and very costly court proceeding. My mother was always difficult and continued to be so throughout her life. If I hadn’t seeked out the guardianship, the state would have stepped in.

Has management at her facility suggested she should be moved to the assisted living quarters? Is this a CCRC?

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@sidsmom wrote:
@Mominohio wrote:
@2blonde wrote:
@KingstonsMom @Shanus @fthunt @Hoovermom @chrystaltree You know, after reading all these responses, I think the real problem with older people fighting to stay out of the nursing home boils down to just one truth. They know the nursing home is the last step before you die.

As I think about it now.......even as an educated, rational person, I might be just as stubborn when I get to that age (God willing). I'm trying really hard to stay healthy and fit, but at 69 and holding........I already see some changes I don't like.

And it isn't just the step before death for so many, but they are terrible places often times. Even the better ones are no picnic, so I can see why people want to avoid them. Many horrendous stories about what has gone on in many nursing homes, and I'm sure many more unreported stories as well.

I don't know anyone who really wants to go to a nursing home.
If older people ‘fight to stay out of the nursing home’,
having their kids continually perpetuate that fear is not going to help.

I dislike when people make these broad brushstrokes of
Nursing Home = Evil.

Caregiving can be good or bad.
Nursing homes? That’s just geography.

In-home Care, Assisted Care, Assistant Living...all these different levels
of care can have really ugly caregivers without the adult children knowing.
Yes, nursing homes, as well. You must know your facility.

But to say ‘horrendous stories’ about nursing homes?
It can be the same ‘horrendous stories’ about in-home care.

Continually saying nursing homes are ‘no picnic’ is an ugly myth
that needs to end. The Boogey Man doesn’t live there.
If adult children continues to say this around their parents...
then the day comes for those parents to be admitted to
a nursing home? All that unwarranted angst for the parent just
because the adult children are believing something that has no
merit. Those parents I feel sorry for.

Careful with your words...your loved ones might be listening.

Obviously you've never had relatives or acquaintances that have been abused, neglected, improperly medicated, stolen from etc. in a care type situation regardless of it being a hospital, nursing home, assisted living. or in home care etc.

It happens every day. Sugar coating to the elderly that may need those services doesn't make it any less real. Most people fight it because the care isn't all that great for very many people, usually those with the most limited funds and options .

It's perfectly understandable why people don't want to partake of such places and services, based on their own experiences with relatives and friends in the past, and based on the things reported on the news.

Covering up, and hiding things isn't in the best interest of a loved one either. I never have had or would have a family member in the hospital, right on down to nursing home or any facility in between, that I wasn't very closely monitoring, and being present as much as I possibly could.

A good portion of the hard work and worry of taking care of making sure an elderly relative is safe, is not only trying to choose the right facility, but having people there as much as possible to monitor the care.

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

@Shanus, I just saw this and I am SO very sorry. I would move her. The present situation isn't working and she is unable to totally care for herself. The amount of driving you are doing is totally unacceptable also. What isn't working outnumbers what is working.

Regretably, if she really understood everything, she would have to agree with you. It isn't a workable arrangment. Your mother's safety is of the most importance.

I will keep you in my prayers.

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

@Mominohio wrote:
@sidsmom wrote:
@Mominohio wrote:
@2blonde wrote:
@KingstonsMom @Shanus @fthunt @Hoovermom @chrystaltree You know, after reading all these responses, I think the real problem with older people fighting to stay out of the nursing home boils down to just one truth. They know the nursing home is the last step before you die.

As I think about it now.......even as an educated, rational person, I might be just as stubborn when I get to that age (God willing). I'm trying really hard to stay healthy and fit, but at 69 and holding........I already see some changes I don't like.

And it isn't just the step before death for so many, but they are terrible places often times. Even the better ones are no picnic, so I can see why people want to avoid them. Many horrendous stories about what has gone on in many nursing homes, and I'm sure many more unreported stories as well.

I don't know anyone who really wants to go to a nursing home.
If older people ‘fight to stay out of the nursing home’,
having their kids continually perpetuate that fear is not going to help.

I dislike when people make these broad brushstrokes of
Nursing Home = Evil.

Caregiving can be good or bad.
Nursing homes? That’s just geography.

In-home Care, Assisted Care, Assistant Living...all these different levels
of care can have really ugly caregivers without the adult children knowing.
Yes, nursing homes, as well. You must know your facility.

But to say ‘horrendous stories’ about nursing homes?
It can be the same ‘horrendous stories’ about in-home care.

Continually saying nursing homes are ‘no picnic’ is an ugly myth
that needs to end. The Boogey Man doesn’t live there.
If adult children continues to say this around their parents...
then the day comes for those parents to be admitted to
a nursing home? All that unwarranted angst for the parent just
because the adult children are believing something that has no
merit. Those parents I feel sorry for.

Careful with your words...your loved ones might be listening.

Obviously you've never had relatives or acquaintances that have been abused, neglected, improperly medicated, stolen from etc. in a care type situation regardless of it being a hospital, nursing home, assisted living. or in home care etc.

It happens every day. Sugar coating to the elderly that may need those services doesn't make it any less real. Most people fight it because the care isn't all that great for very many people, usually those with the most limited funds and options .

It's perfectly understandable why people don't want to partake of such places and services, based on their own experiences with relatives and friends in the past, and based on the things reported on the news.

Covering up, and hiding things isn't in the best interest of a loved one either. I never have had or would have a family member in the hospital, right on down to nursing home or any facility in between, that I wasn't very closely monitoring, and being present as much as I possibly could.

A good portion of the hard work and worry of taking care of making sure an elderly relative is safe, is not only trying to choose the right facility, but having people there as much as possible to monitor the care.