Among Friends

[Snowpuppy]

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@Sooner wrote:

If you don't think lonliness comes from being alone, then you haven't been alone and have no right to say that. 

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Some of the lonlilest people I've ever known are married and living with their spouse, kids, extended family.  They have never made a life for themselves.

AF is filled with posters who failed to make a life for themselves and lack the skills to live a life after a death or divorce.

[Sapphiregal]

I was watching some news program a few days ago and a doctor was discussing how detrimental being lonely can be to your health. She said that it is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes per day. I was shocked!

[busymom22]

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@Mom2Dogs wrote:

I have a friend that is lonely, needy, bored, etc.... and there are plenty of people that care for her.  Unfortunately her constant neediness is driving people away.

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I think this is an issue that comes up with the topic of elderly lonliness.

There's a woman in my church I've known for years. She's 68 and is very needy and all the interactions she has with people is them fulfilling her needs,taking her to dr appointments, talking to her about what she wants to talk about,her ailments, family drama, etc.  For me it's exhausting and frankly I am way too busy with my own elderly parents and other family that I simply don't have the bandwith to spend time with her. It's unfortunate, but no matter what your age or living situation friendships are two-way and if one person dominates the other person will just not be interested in maintaining the relationship. It may leave a person feeling alone and not knowing why.

[GingerHead]

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@Shanus wrote:

@JoyFilled Warrior   I get it. I was in business doing makeup on those who wanted a change and then it morphed into weddings/brides on weekends until it became too much. I cut back to 1/2 time and hired assistants. It was still a huge adjustment not having a set schedule and my calendar no longer had some place to be each day. 

My DS lives close by, but I wait for him to ask to get together. They have busy lives with both working and my now teen GDs. My DD is  near Seattle and we're more phone or texting 'buddies" than seeing each other. It's a long flight and airport turmoil for me now.

DH is still working with a day or two off during the week until tax time, but it's not the same as friends I've had who are now in retirement communities, assisted living, passed away, moved to be near their children or other family. Many are dealing with illnesses or pain and just want to be left alone.

Yes, I get lonely even though I do keep busy with my painting and now packing up to downsize a bit late at our age. I become fearful of what I'll do when something happens to DH. I depend on him too much. He's my "social life" after 55 yrs. Sometimes it keeps me awake worrying about that. I was awake at 4 AM this morning.

It's good for you to know you're not alone here.

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@Shanus 

Oh boy, can I relate to this. I've been with my husband for 36 years married 33 and we are best friends and do everything together. He's a part of me now, my other half.

To even think about losing him makes me literally sick to my stomach.....

[Shanus]

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@GingerHead wrote:

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@Shanus wrote:

@JoyFilled Warrior   I get it. I was in business doing makeup on those who wanted a change and then it morphed into weddings/brides on weekends until it became too much. I cut back to 1/2 time and hired assistants. It was still a huge adjustment not having a set schedule and my calendar no longer had some place to be each day. 

My DS lives close by, but I wait for him to ask to get together. They have busy lives with both working and my now teen GDs. My DD is  near Seattle and we're more phone or texting 'buddies" than seeing each other. It's a long flight and airport turmoil for me now.

DH is still working with a day or two off during the week until tax time, but it's not the same as friends I've had who are now in retirement communities, assisted living, passed away, moved to be near their children or other family. Many are dealing with illnesses or pain and just want to be left alone.

Yes, I get lonely even though I do keep busy with my painting and now packing up to downsize a bit late at our age. I become fearful of what I'll do when something happens to DH. I depend on him too much. He's my "social life" after 55 yrs. Sometimes it keeps me awake worrying about that. I was awake at 4 AM this morning.

It's good for you to know you're not alone here.

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@Shanus 

Oh boy, can I relate to this. I've been with my husband for 36 years married 33 and we are best friends and do everything together. He's a part of me now, my other half.

To even think about losing him makes me literally sick to my stomach.....

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@GingerHead   I do get it. Sometimes I wake up and look over at him and think about his side being empty and I panic. 

[GingerHead]

@Shanus 

I completely understand! 

I always tell myself that I just have to try my hardest not to think such thoughts....you can't or it'll drive you nuts.

When those thoughts come in...I force them out because it interferes with the joy of today. We just have to savor every minute and live life with our loves. 

Much like (not exactly the same of course) when we lost our first dog, it was heart wrenching and just about killed us (our dogs are our children) and when thinking about getting another one I hesitated for a minute because the pain of losing our first was so hard but then I thought about how much joy and happiness our dog brought us and living without one is just not living for us.

So now we have our new little love and one day he'll be gone but in the meantime I'm enjoying every minute!

We are stronger than we think! (I'm trying to convince myself of this and in the meantime plan to fake it till I make it!)

 Edited: our new little love is now 10 years old, how time flies....

[Shanus]

Over the 55 yrs. together (child bride Lol), we've lost many dogs due to illness, aged out and one sadly was run over and could not be saved. I held her in my arms on the way to the emergency vet. I couldn't sit in that car for many  months thinking about her. 

We really aren't tested until that time comes and then all we can do is relish the wonderful memories. 

[GingerHead]

@Shanus 

Oh my goodness. I can't imagine how terrible that was for ya'll.

Our first dog lived 17 years and at the end he had heart issues and we had to euthanize him when it got too bad.

Our little love Walt is now 10 years old and has the funniest sweetest personality. What a love.

I love what you wrote:

"We really aren't tested until that time comes and then all we can do is relish the wonderful memories. " So true.

[jubilant]

I think at some point in everyone's life we have felt lonliness or neglect.That, to me, is just part of human nature. I can only say what has helped me. I turn to God when I get these feelings....that's when I begin to realize that I am never really alone and start thinking about others who might be feeling as I do. Even if people don't seem to be reaching out to me, I feel so much better when I reach out to them.

I was starting to get mad at my brother for never calling me or my sister. For months I hadn't called him. It seemed it was always me who did the calling and I was getting

mad. Finally, I did call, and all I can say is I felt so much better after I did and we had wonderful conversation! While I have been going through a lot this last year....so has he. I don't think it's helpful to us to hold in feelings of neglect and lonliness. I admit, it is hard when these feelings come upon us  but it doesn't help us to stay there in our minds very long. That's when depression  

can set in and I don't want that!

[Sooner]

I have been bashed for not thinking really older people having children is a great idea.  In many situations those kids could grow up around adults only and early in life be taking care of old parents while being alone with no family remaining.  Even your cousins are old enough to be your parents.

It isn't easy.  People who want kids need to put all of that into context before having them at a very old age.  And no, money doesn't make up for it.