Keeping family secrets

granddi · ‎03-16-2010

Every family has secrets. I'm thinking about very personal things that if revealed could hurt individuals or relationships. But do adults have any right to expect that at some point, family unpleasantries will be revealed?

You have a step sister. Your biological father is blank. This is the reason why your grandmother and your aunt don't speak. Our car was not stolen it was reposssed. I was married before. This is why we abruptly moved to another state. This what happened to the family savings.

So keep secrets....or candid conversations...........

SXMGirl · ‎07-07-2010

@granddi Eventually, secrets come out and the repercussions are not always good. Much depends on the circumstances of the secret, but I think that generally it is better to reveal whatever the secret is at an appropriate time.

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!

Sweetbay magnolia · ‎04-14-2013

I'm inclined to keep it to myself. People probably already suspect or know, and have lived through the pain.

Some would say closure is a reason to speak. But then, is there a betrayal? I guess it depends on the circumstance.

Cogito ergo sum

Desertdi · ‎03-13-2010

I am the MOST SCANDALOUS member of my family. You wanna know why? My first husband slugged me in three separate incidents in front of witnesses. I got a divorce. But my SHOCKED relatives tried to "cover it up".....with quaint stories that he died in the war, or in a plane crash, or was lost at sea. You get the idea!!!!!

♥Surface of the Sun♥

BlueFinch · ‎08-31-2019

It's been my experience that no good comes out of sharing family secrets, unless someone is in serious trouble and an intervention needs to take place for their well being, or that of their immediate household. It can be tricky.

I'm also very against receiving gossip that is unpleasant, in all aspects of my life. Family, work, friends, etc. If someone is talking trash about someone not present, they'll be talking about you the next time you aren't present. It's a given.

People will observe you as a solid, trustworthy person to confide in if they know you will respect their concerns and secrets. It gains much more respect than those who unnecessarily stir the pot, often just to incite discord. Everyone needs someone they can go to and trust.

We often see such drama within families. Yeah, we've all seen the Thanksgiving, or family reunion movies with families turning it into a fight fest after someone spills secrets on another. Those we should trust the most, can do the most harm.

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

There are secrets whose revelation would not accomplishing anything but chaos, and there are secrets that should be revealed because it is morally the right thing to at an appropriate time.

It all depends on what we're talking about here.

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

GenXmuse · ‎05-15-2016

"May we hold strong convictions but gentle opinions"

-Lisa Bevere

Mz iMac · ‎07-26-2014

This posting reminded me of an ID series "Forbidden Love" I watched recently.

The young woman never knew or met her father or her father's family. After her father died (or both parents?) I forgot which, her uncle-the father's brother invited her to a family gathering.

Apparently, "the family" knew all about her. She was the result of an "affair." Her father left his daughter & her mother. "Uncle" kept in touch sight unseen.

Starting from this family gathering, the "uncle" & his niece fell in love & began a long term relationship. The niece knew in the back of her mind it was wrong but was in love. The "uncle's" children were horrified. Oh, I forgot to mention the "uncle" was divorced 3x's. Uncle & niece eventually married in Baliz.

There is a lot more to this story. Search Tracy Nessl & Tim McNamara. Story is also on YouTube.

"Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

Scooby Doo · ‎03-14-2010

If it's your secret and you want to reveal it go ahead. If it's my secret, zip it. I'll reveal it if and when I can handle the repercussions. It's my story to tell. If you don't honor my feelings I consider it a betrayal.

Goldengate8361 · ‎01-27-2014

Generally, I think having things out in the open is better. Its the reason "why" something is kept secret that is problematic. Sometimes people keep secrets because of their twisted sense of what they think should be the case....and they *shame* others who don't line up with their view of things. That causes much damage to people. "The truth will set you free" is true. That may mean that some narrow minded judgmental people or family members drop out of your life....but that could certainly be a positive outcome.