Among Friends

[Leeny]

@Bird mama 

I just finished reading your post about your DH and my heart just sank. I know you are a very strong woman, but now I know just how strong you are. I can't even fathom what you went through back then. You have a heart of gold and your family is so lucky to have you. 

I have my kids and grandson and my DH is older then me and I tell you I would be a hot mess without them. I am an only child so no siblings and both my folks are gone and that's tough to face sometimes.

I just wanted to let you know you are an inspiration to us all!!

[Bird mama]

@Leeny   Ironically the dysfunctional behavior of family (except for my eldest sister) prepared me for going it alone when my husband died.  It's not worth the key strokes or time of day to recount it.

It was never how he died for me.  It was that he died at all.  I'm not gonna lie, I was initially upset that he decided this and didn't take me with him.  I think that's probably why by OB-GYN recommended some talk therapy. It probably didn't help that I was grilled by the chief of police.  Lord have mercy, when I look back at the parts that I can remember, I think of my poor sister and brother in law who were in the room with me.  My brother in law told me much later that the chief asked him to call the strongest person in the family aka 'the rock' of the family who could help me navigate what was going on.  My brother in law told the chief - um we got a problem because she is 'the rock'.

God Bless my eldest sister who drove me home late that night and said she wanted to spend the night with me.  I said, go home because I'm not letting you in my house.  My Max (dog) is not going to understand what is going on and I have to settle Peewee and Poppi (my birds) for the night.  She parked in front of the house and I finally walked out and said, you're not coming in and you are going to freeze to death.  Go home because you can't live here and there will be a first night alone eventually - tonight may as well be it.

I needed to be able to settle the house, bury my face into bed pillows and scream until my throat bled in privacy.  When I don't feel well or something hurts my soul I have to be alone. 

I understood from the moment Gabriel (the officer) said that he was sorry to inform me exactly why my husband left on the terms that he did.  I was his caregiver for a couple of intense months and had the CT scan reports and medical records for every thing.  I wasn't angry with him for getting a jump on the inevitable.

I made peace with it long go Leeny, I'm okay.

[viva923]

hey all

ok stamp is out again

same ol stuff

did chores

prepped for computer room clean tomorrow

did morn walk

have clothes to fold

Birdmama,you are a very strong person and can carry a load of bricks on your back, you still hurt as a normal person would but you stand tall/erect in adversity and don't show your hurt side.

[Epicurean]

viva,hope you don't mind my asking,but I don't understand something. You mention that you prepped for cleaning. Do you mind telling me exactly what that means. Sorry if I'm being nosy,just don't understand 

[Bird mama]

@viva923  I'm no different than every other woman who has posted with me regularly on this and the now retired back fence thread.  We often go through life thinking oh man, if that (whatever that is at the time) happened I don't think I could take it or I couldn't survive it.

Life's stresses, disappointments, betrayals and loss has happened at one time or another to each of us and at that particular time we thought it just might be the end of the world.  We felt like we were tossed down a well and when we gathered our strength, we crawled up and out.  

The women in this community, particularly in this and the back fence thread have been with me through lots of losses.

[Leeny]

@Bird mama 

Oh Birdie, I know you are ok and that is why I also know you are that rock your BIL spoke of. I hand it to you in how you dealt with it in your own way. I've never understood how the ones left behind in these types of situations survive and wind up being stronger and more functional then I believe I would ever be. Our Good Lord has given you quite a gift. 

I am so glad that you are OK and that you are who you are 

[viva923]

EPI, when i prep for clean, i move things (what I can move) out of that room so I can get down and clean good(has to last for 2 weeks now), move chairs,mats (under computer roll around chair,books,little storage units. just JUNK. so i can clean good quickly,then i put everything back so room looks ok, while i am prepped the dining room looks like a cyclone hit it,that is where i put all the junk from other rooms while i prep ready to clean.

[Bird mama]

@viva923   That's why I clean but am resentful about it   Like most home related things, it's not the actual job, it's all the prep beforehand. 

[Leeny]

@viva923 @Bird mama 

I am going to be honest with you both.

I hate to clean,specifically dusting is my biggest pain. It seems to be so futile and never ending. I find no reward in that what so ever. Don't get me wrong I clean, but I don't move everything like viva923. For one thing I can't do that anymore with all my back and leg issues. I've discovered now that my vacuum cleaner is going to the archives. I had to down size to a Dirt Devil. My Hoover is just too heavy to even push anymore.

Yesterday, I went to the Y and about a half hour into it, I felt light headed and a bit nauseous. So I had to leave early and come home and rest. I took a 2 hour nap. My DD said I should have checked my blood sugars. At that time I didn't even think of that as I was so fatigued. This is just part of my problems and when viva923 does all the work she does it puts me to shame. I don't know if she is a lot younger or a lot healthier, but I give her an applause for all she does.

[Epicurean]

viva,makes sense. I do similar cleaning,but my back prohibits moving big stuff. I wait till hubby is here to help.