@Allegheny wrote:
Ok, I just need to express some frustration I am having with my husband.
My cousin and his wife are in town visiting our aged uncle. They come about every four months to visit him. It is a 6 hour drive for them and they only stay the weekend.
Every time they are here they graciously invite us over to have dinner with them. It gives me an opportunity to talk in person with my cousin about my uncle. (My cousin has the POA & POP for our uncle, but I am the closest relative distance wise.)
Well the last four times they have been here, my husband has only accompanied me once. I find this embarassing and just plain rude. I don't think I am asking much of him to spend a couple of hours. And I am sure they feel his rejection. It is not just their invitations he rejects, he does this with invites from my other family members and I have an extremely small family (an uncle, one brother a nephew and three cousins).
What aggrevates me even more is that I am almost practically mandated to attend every one of his large family's functions, and they have many. If I tell him I really don't feel like going he gets an attitude and becomes argumentative.
This bugs me to no end, because it is like a double standard. I am expected to attend his functions because that is what the wife is supposed to do.
Thanks for letting me vent.
*************** Since you have such a small family and this is important to you I would think once every 3 or 4 months is not a lot to ask. They don't impose on you and even have you over for dinner each time. If someone is treating him badly that would be a whole different story. That doesn't sound like the case here.
The fact that his family has many family functions and you are "expected" at all his family functions tells me their is definitely an imbalance here. That tells me that he has one set of standards for you and another one for himself. His attitude and argumentative behavior suggests that he has some controlling and/or manipulator tendencies. If this attitude shows up often and in other areas of your marriage, I would say you have some problems that need to be addressed before it get's worse. You also have every right to go or not go to those functions of his family.
You can go and have a good time with your family without him. When it comes to his family (and if you want to keep good ties there) I would go to those things I enjoyed but also feel free to not go to everything. If and when he starts arguing....don't argue and say as few words to him as possibe....maybe something like "it's my choice".
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