I Need Some Advice Regarding A Friend

SXMGirl · ‎07-07-2010

I really could use the expertise and common sense from those on this board.

My friend, who I have known for almost 20 years, is moving in less than two weeks. We were all notified about this last week when he came off of a long cruise. At first, we thought that he met someone on the cruise, but actually it is someone who he has known for 10 months. He is moving 2.5 hours away and giving up his job. He says that this is the only way that he can really retire.

Here are the facts:

1. 25 year age difference (my friend is 68)

2. The other person insisted on living on the 4th floor with no elevator at their new apartment complex (my friend has a heart condition)

3. The other person does not want my friend to even drive to the grocery by himself

4. The other person has a full-time job

5. The other person is not a citizen of the US, but is a citizen of a country that does not have extradition with us

When my friend and I had lunch the other day, I did mention Investigation Discovery several times. My concern is that none of us know this person, and there are just too many crazies out there. He did not react to these references to ID.

I want to ask my friend for a code word for all of us here, but I do not want to be offensive. I just don't want anything to happen to him and then we all wondered what we could have done.

How would any of you approach this situation? Am I over-reacting and should I just mind my own business? What would you do?

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!

Catty2 · ‎09-06-2014

That doesn't sound good for your friend or you, since he will be hours away from you. She sounds very controlling and doesn't have his best interests in mind. Does he have children or family that you can talk to? I hope that he has legal help to protect himself and his assets.

SXMGirl · ‎07-07-2010

@Catty2, no family here--just his friends. I probably am over-reacting (I watch too much ID), but red flags went up as I was hearing all of this. What does a 43-year-old really see in a 68-year-old who does not own anything? I remember being 43 and would never have looked at someone so old to be my partner.

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

I'd mind my own business. If you but in now, you'll only anger him and should the time come when he does need his friend, he'll be too embarrassed to come to you. Are you just surmising all this? It seems very odd that he would tell you all this stuff. It seems more like something a woman would be subjected to, not a man. But he's a 68 year old grown man, capable of making is own decisions in life. He's 68, not 88. He isn't disabled. So, I see no reason for you to be concerned.

SXMGirl · ‎07-07-2010

@chrystaltree, you are probably correct. It just seems like there are too many odd things here.

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@SXMGirl wrote:
@chrystaltree, you are probably correct. It just seems like there are too many odd things here.

I think you are missing something and that something is that he's a 68 year old man who has an opportunity he didn't think was possible. Mainly...a chance to do the horizontal tango with an attractive woman who is twenty years younger than he his. He's living his dream. He has his "little blue pills" and he is not gonna let that chance slip by him. As for some of the other stuff like the stairs and the driving. That's just not ringing true for me. That makes him seem like an old fool. Why would a man go out of his way to make his self look foolish when he's announcing a happy life change? There's a big disconnect there.

sweetee2 · ‎06-21-2015

He probably lonely. But #5 really sends up the red flag. Why are there so many dishonest people in the world? Just guessing.

Pearlee · ‎06-11-2011

If your friend is competent (doesn't have dementia or something like that) then he's an adult who can make his own decisions. Why not research the information (phone number, address, email, etc) for Adult Protective Services in his county or statewide where he is moving? If you really start to have concerns about this, you'll have at your ready an agency to contact. Ditto for keeping the number for law enforcement handy for whever your friend is moving. Keep in frequent touch with him and then if you start not hearing from him or his companion won't let you communicate with thim, you can start seriously thinking what to do about it. Until then, though, he's an adult and can make his own choices. I think you have to give the benefit of the doubt and, for now, trust his judgment.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@sweetee2 wrote:
He probably lonely. But #5 really sends up the red flag. Why are there so many dishonest people in the world? Just guessing.

Huh? How do you know the fiance is dishonest or that the guy even said any of those things? There are a lot of immigrants in this country now. And a lot of the women are latching onto older men and they aren't looking for rich men, they just want men with solid incomes who can give them a better life than they can give themselves. And the men get a wife who is much much younger. Often it's a win-win situation. There's nothing dishonest about it. There's nothing new about it either. The man now has some "pep in his step" and he's happy and excited about this new life he's heading off too and his friends are seeing disaster when none exists....now. Maybe it will be a disaster, maybe not. But if they were his friends, they would be supportive and happy for him....until they had a reason not to be. And that "list" isn't believable. Not now, when the guy is happily going off with this new woman in his life.

Annabellethecat66 · ‎03-12-2010

This sounds exactly like 90 day fiance....

I have never been a fan of 'butting out', but I've never known anyone to get in this kind of situation.

I think too often people are of the 'would of, 'should have, could have' generation. Then it's too late.

I have no idea on what to do. Obviously, it sounds like he isn't think with his head.....

If you've spoken to him and tried really hard to convince him he MIGHT be making a mistake the best thing you could do is keep the lines of communication open and don't anger this female or she'll for sure cut you out of your friend's life. Just saying.....