Husband and Housekeeping

moon_gazer · ‎11-20-2016

Do you like everything in its place or really don't care and a little mess or disarray doesn't bother you? i must admit that I feel a calmness when my home is perfectly in order. I'm not a fanatic, but, do like things in their place. I retired a couple of years ago and have loved getting to do a lot of things I had been putting off until retirement. Well, my point to this story is that my husband retired 6 months ago, and since that time I have done nothing but pick up and put things away, clean floors where he has brought in dirt clods on his shoes, wash dishes he leaves on kitchen counter...and the list just goes on, but, I won't bore you with it. I know some will say you just need to sit down and have a talk with him about it --- we've had many talks that have brought no results - in one ear and out the other, so to speak. I'm fed up! Sorry, guess I just had to vent!

Deep In The Heart of Texas

NycVixen · ‎10-15-2010

You're still in the adjustment period. I remember when my then boyfriend now DH moved in. We got on each other's nerves for a while. It will take maybe a year for you to get used to him being home. Instead of only cleaning after him, you're literally seeing the dirt being dragged in. Before, you had the luxury of only seeing it long after the crime was committed.

I would try not to pick up after him so often. Let him see what he's doing and let him know when you're not angry. With my DH I've learned I have to say things a few times so it sinks in. Being angry when I say it never works.

He's also getting used to having you around. When my DH wants some alone time, he acts like he forgot to wake me up on weekends even though I asked the night before. There were times I would get so mad seeing how late it was.

Then I realized everyone wants the house to themselves from time to time. There must be things you do that he doesn't like and he's dealing with it. I know I can talk a lot and he's not a talker. The only way he can have quiet it seems is if I'm asleep LOL. Some mornings I linger a little longer so he can have a few more mintues to himself.

~Live with Intention~

Harpa · ‎03-10-2010

Sorry about your untidy DH! I'm sorry all I can offer is sympathy.

I am just like you. I need things to be in order. Luckily, very luckily, my DH is mostly orderly, too. All I can ever "scold" him for is footprints on my freshly cleaned & steamed carpet. (Supposedly, this was Bess Truman's pet peeve!)

SandPiper · ‎06-04-2017

I also like our home in perfect order. I guess I have a touch of OCD. My DH is just the opposite. Leaves dirty dishes, clothes and other things around. When he uses something he never puts it back where he found it. I too am constantly picking up after him.

So let’s go back in time 15 years ago when our marriage hit a serious bump in the road and we separated for a time. I wanted our marriage to work and I wanted my DH back. It was at this time, when I was alone, that I wished he was back with his messiness and sloppiness. It made me realize that these things are not as important as I made them.

Fast forward to now. Yes we are together and our marriage is wonderful. Yes I still pick up after him but now I do it with a smile. There are worse things.

Sometimes the strength within you is not a big fiery flame for all to see. It is just a tiny spark that whispers ever so softly "You Got This - Keep Going"

Allegheny · ‎03-19-2010

@moon_gazer I do like things orderly. It helps me function better. My DH will help with household chores. But I have issues with some of his habits. Little things that make me crazy which in the whole scheme of things probably aren't important (at least in his mind).

He doesn't put things away and leaves them out. Ergo when I go looking for something I can't find it or he needs it again and asks me where it is. He makes toast every morning and leaves crumbs everywhere, nor does he wipe the table after eating, or clean the cook top or sink after using. He'll vacuum but doesn't move the furniture. If I mention these and other things to him he either laughs at me or it starts an argument. I have just given up because I know there are probably plenty of things I do or don't do that irritate him.

Big Joanie · ‎01-02-2015

My husband has been retired 18 years and I still have not ajusted to it .....

Kitlynn · ‎03-09-2010

I am retired my husband is not. We both like a clean home with everything in its place and orderly. I have a house keeper every three weeks and then I just keep things up in between. For thirty one years we have both always put things back and cleaned up after ourselves. Our theory is if we both keep it up then we have time for other things. It would be had to adjust to having your significant other home all the time if they weren't on the same page. You might try to just leave his messes alone for a while and let him see what it would be like if you weren't cleaning up after him. Now I understand that it would be hard to do but if he used up all the dishes and there weren't any clean ones in the cabinet he might stop and think about what he is doing. Not sure it would work but I would give it a whirl. Then when everything is a huge mess let him know you will be hiring someone to come in and clean up. That might also make him think.

threecees · ‎09-22-2017

Most men are like kids. They need tending after, taking care of, etc. Mine is not retired

but when he is home usually has alot of things to do. Helps here and there with some

things but I do the majority of the work as I am home more.

The more he is home, more work you will have. Mention that you wouldn't mind him

having him help you here and there now that he has more time. Maybe that will

go in one ear and out the other?

Regal Bee · ‎07-20-2017

@moon_gazer When my husband retired, that was the biggest issue we encountered. I am extremely neat and want everything that way all the time....I make no apologies for it. My husband is not neat.....period. We talked it over and it is still a problem, to some degree; he really tries and I appreciate it. His study does not look as though it belongs with the rest of our home. Mercy!

I try and remember what a good husband he is to me and the kindest human I have ever known. This really helps to balance me.

Give it time. Hopefully you will find a solution.