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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,083
Registered: ‎10-26-2010

No, you are probably not making too much of this.  Sadly, I has a very similar situation (before cell phones were available).  My Dad never knew how many times I called.  We were told by his new wife to call and she would let us know when it would be convenient to stop by.  Basically his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren were cut out of his life.  

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,083
Registered: ‎10-26-2010

No, you are probably not making too much of this.  Sadly, I had a very similar situation (before cell phones were available).  My Dad never knew how many times I called.  We were told by his new wife to call and she would let us know when it would be convenient to stop by.  Basically his children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren were cut out of his life.  

 

That witch did everything she could to cut us out of his life.  He finally realized what was happening, but, it was too late.  When he became ill, we weren't even told.  A chance encounter with his neighbor told us whast was going on.  We immediately went to the hospital and everything came out.  Of course, she kept to her lies!!!!  

 

Make sure to talk with your parent.  Ask if making an appt is his idea.  Ask why you can't just drop by.  Today, with cell phones, you have the opportunity we didn't.  Find out what is going on.

 

Good luck!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,491
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

My parents both remarried and we were never allowed to be alone with either parent ever again.

 

The last time I was alone with my mother was my sister's baby shower 20 years ago this month.  LOL

===================================
QVC Shopper - 1993

# IAMTEAMWEN
Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,494
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I think my feelings would be hurt...especially if you didn't drop in unannounced a lot,  but if the other spouse's kids don't have to call ahead, then it's not right....but I do think most people today let others know they will be stopping over.

 

I am a step mother....never had any children of my own...I never would have told DH that his kids had to call first...I've always had a good relationship with his children.

 

if I am home and don't want to answer the door, I don't.

I hope you can get this worked out.

 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,354
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: How would you feel?

[ Edited ]

@OhioAngel IMO you are making too much out of this.

 

Call, chat, set a time and day and then show up....simple

 

btw-I am a child of divorced parents.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,775
Registered: ‎08-30-2015

@OhioAngel The same thing happened to me when my parents divorced,except the woman he married (I refuse to call her my Step mother ) she would not allow us in her home, my dad and his children had to stand outside and hold a conversation, one time my brother made an appointment with my Dad to help work on his car in the middle of winter, my Dad told my brother, sorry I cannot ask you inside to warm up, Maryanne will not let me have my kids inside, Hello?  She was one evil reptile, when my father passed away his kids were not allowed to sit in the first pew, we had to sit behind her, her daughter, and her friends, talk about feeling cheated and left out, we were also not allowed in the line of grieving relatives to receive condolences from our family and my fathers friends who we grew up with.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,256
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I would not beat around the bush about this with my parent. I would very nicely just ask what is going on and get to the bottom of it. If it is not an answer that you feel is right then I would kindly say " that is not going to work for me and I will be coming to see (Mom or Dad) anytime I feel like it. If you have a problem with that then we need to talk to (Mom or Dad) and discuss this to get things worked out.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,309
Registered: ‎10-15-2010

I realized that the last stronghold my mother had on me was that I still cared enough to want a relationship with her even though she's mistreated me all my life. I let that go and now I'm free. If your parent doesn't have a problem with this arrangement, unfortunately you will most likely suffer to no avail and things will stay the same.

 

We think we know family and our parents but many times we don't. It's a process but eventually you need to get to a point where you can focus on your own happiness without this parent being a huge part of your life. 

 

If you can deal with it, make appointments and still have a relationship with the understanding that this parent has decided this is OK and has prioritized the new spouse and family. Therefore, you need to regroup and prioritize yourself and your own happiness.

 

Unfortunately, it seems not even a parental relationship is a given in life. Do everything you need to overcome this without losing yourself. Don't take it personal and feel like it's about you. It's about them and their selfishness. Use all your energy to thrive and be happy. This doesn't define who you are but who they decided to be.

~Live with Intention~
Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,179
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Well now that my adult kids no longer live at home we have to schedule a time & day for a visit.  They are both busy working and I can really only see them on weekends...even then they are busy with their lives.  It's just the way it is.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,530
Registered: ‎06-17-2015

@OhioAngel wrote:

BUT the kids of the Step Parent are free to stop and see them anytime!!


@OhioAngel  How do you know this?

 

 

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh