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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,561
Registered: ‎10-05-2010

You're calling it an " appointment", but if they simply asked that you call first and not drop by unannounced, that seems reasonable.  Maybe when the parent was single, he/she was usually home alone so it didn't matter, but now they are out and about and not always available.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,487
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

It would be hurtful once I learned her kids are free to stop over any old time. Sure, I'd have called in advance before stopping by, but to be told to make an appointment is insulting. Moving forward, I guess you have to play by her rules of lose out on seeing your dad.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,788
Registered: ‎08-18-2016

@OhioAngel wrote:

Yes a day and a time when it is ok to come see them


 

What are you saying here?

 

Is it that they've asked you to stop just showing up whenever? As though you're a minor and this is still your residence?

 

I'm assuming you're an adult now.

Are the other 'kids' you mention adults living on their own, or truly 'kids'?

 

 

Sounds as though they're asking you to extend a courtesy.  If you're an adult, and don't live there, they're perfectly right to expect you to either wait to be invited or let them know ahead of time when you'll be "dropping in".

 

 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 650
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

These family changes are so painful.  I understand how hurt the OP must be.  Her perception is her reality.

 

A similiar thing happend in our family after my mother ( age 70 ) passed away.  Our father remarried a few months later to an old high school friend who managed to ditch her third husband as soon as she heard Mom had died.

Father hadn't found the kitchen yet, so he was thrilled.  They moved across the country to live near her adult children without a backward glance.  He even returned all the photos of us & the grands because he "had a new family now".

 

Your childhood life seems to have become a lie, and it takes a while to regain your balance.  It is such a difficult thing to find that we may not be the number one priority to a parent as we thought we were growing up..

 

Sometimes the only option is to remember if it is ever our turn to be that parent who makes such a life change.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,997
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

@Libbylady  What your father did "returning pictures" saying "I have a new family now" is one of the cruelest things I have ever heard.  

 

The OP has not returned to her post for some reason, perhaps she does not want to go into detail.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 874
Registered: ‎10-02-2017

I would call, make an appointment as many times as I want.  I am a widow, 71, slim, small , blonde and I will not talk to anyone because I do not want them to come between me and my family.  I have many men approach but No way.  I will speak and dance at the club house but no one knows what happens if married. I am comfortable as far as money and I am keeping it this way. I volunteer at so many things and stay busy, I love my fur babies and am happy as things are.  Again, make an appointment, see your parent every chance you can.  

Valued Contributor
Posts: 817
Registered: ‎06-24-2016

@OhioAngel

 

I would feel horrible and unwanted.  I would make an appointment,take some bakery goods, sit down to tea and ask whose idea this was? 

 

If my parent did this, I would say:  "I probably won't see you very often due to this barrier you put between us.  So, do not count on me to be here for any holiday or celebration. It might happen, it might not--depending on my schedule. Please call in advance with your request."

 

If it is the step-parent's idea, I would ask why this condition applies to me only.   If the step-parent doesn't like you or you coming to their house, tell them you want to meet your parent for an outing on a regular basis.

Super Contributor
Posts: 430
Registered: ‎12-11-2014

The back story is my parent got married for a second time about 8 years after death of other parent.

 

They are living in family home that was my home always.  I have had my own place though for 10 years. 

 

I thought I would always always be welcome in my family home no matter what.

 

I love my new step parent so it is not that.

 

I dont drop in on them all the time.

 

I talked to my parent about this and they said you are welcome any time. But it is not true. The step parent did not weigh in on this but to say let us know what day and time you want to come over.

 

Maybe the step parent is more comfortable with their kids coming over anytime is because it is their kids.

 

I do not want to upset anyone or cause trouble between anyone so I guess I will have to accept this new normal.

 

Thank you very much to all that replied to me.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,230
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@OhioAngel wrote:

The back story is my parent got married for a second time about 8 years after death of other parent.

 

They are living in family home that was my home always.  I have had my own place though for 10 years. 

 

I thought I would always always be welcome in my family home no matter what.

 

I love my new step parent so it is not that.

 

I dont drop in on them all the time.

 

I talked to my parent about this and they said you are welcome any time. But it is not true. The step parent did not weigh in on this but to say let us know what day and time you want to come over.

 

Maybe the step parent is more comfortable with their kids coming over anytime is because it is their kids.

 

I do not want to upset anyone or cause trouble between anyone so I guess I will have to accept this new normal.

 

Thank you very much to all that replied to me.


I don't see how calling to let them know in advance is a problem.  My own son will often do just that....he'll suddenly stop by and surprise us.  It's very nice to see him and he's always welcome, but I prefer for him to call first.  Sometimes we have plans to go out, sometimes I just want to straighten up a bit  or buy a few groceries (when he comes it's usually for overnight).  

 

Then there are times I'm wearing old paint splattered clothing because I have an Etsy business which is messy and I would prefer to look nice even if it's just my son stopping by....a phone call is not a big deal today with everyone having a cell phone.  Give me the courtesy of a call so I can freshen up!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,385
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

It just seems to me they are saying you are welcome anytime but just let them know. That's just common courtesy. You really don't know what the other kids are doing. Maybe they always call first and don't have to be told to?


'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown