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Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,486
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Parents are just people.  Unfortunately we are led to believe they are not sometimes.  

 

Parents can really hurt and puzzle you--but I don't know any solution to that.  You are not alone.  Sometimes they do things you'd never expect.  I have no wisdom about that, but do know it happens.  

 

I hope things get better for you OP.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,713
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I would not be happy to be told that, to be honest.  I totally get calling before a visit - would never show up unannounced, unless the person is ill, etc.   If a step-parent tried this with me, I'd ask their spouse/my parent about it.  I wouldn't bother asking the step-parent anything.  JMO.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,095
Registered: ‎03-17-2010

IMHO it's just common curtesy.... and it saves a trip if someone is not feeling well or it's an inconvenient time.  I wouldn't be hurt by it at all... Woman Happy  

*~"Never eat more than you can lift......" Miss Piggy~*
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,423
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Once we're adults, our parents have their own lives. Whether it's biological parents or step parents. And we should respect that. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,918
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

I think you know that isn't normal and I think there is back story that you didn't share with us.  Is you father in an insitution?  Does your father have some cognitive deficits?  Is he capable of making his own decisions?  Who told you that you have to make an appointment to see him?   Although, if by "appointment" you mean that you can't just drop into the home he shares with his wife, whenever you want.  If "appointment" means that you have arrange a conveniet time to visit; I don't see anything wrong with that.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,892
Registered: ‎07-03-2013

I have no problem notifying parents I want to stop by for a visit, but I would if the step siblings didn't do the same.  I'd talk to my parent about it.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,918
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

@OhioAngel wrote:

Yes a day and a time when it is ok to come see them


 

        That's not an appointment, that's just common courtesy.  Do you want people dropping in on you unannounced?  Perhaps you can call your father and meet him for lunch or coffee sometimes or invite him to your house.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,588
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: How would you feel?

[ Edited ]

It sounds like the OP feels she is being treated differently.  

 

ETA OP’s statement: “BUT the kids of the Step Parent are free to stop and see them anytime!!”

Honored Contributor
Posts: 24,685
Registered: ‎07-21-2011

@OhioAngel   That is totally ridiculous.  Are you close to the parent?  Did you talk to the parent about this?  Personally, I never heard of anything like this.  Cat Mad

 

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kindness is strength
Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,611
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

Re: How would you feel?

[ Edited ]

I would feel hurt and upset.  I would also feel that the new spouse had something to do with this arrangement and I would really be ticked off if the new spouses children did not have to make an appointment.  Did your parent move into the new spouse’s residence?

 

That said, I suppose you will have to call and make an appointment.  Maybe the rules will relax a bit.  Try not to show any negative feelings towards the new spouse.

 

In time, things could be better and if not, you will have to accept this.  Just call and say you would like to see them at such and such a time and ask if that is okay.

 

If you can’t get an appointment in a timely manner, then you need to discuss this with your parent...alone without their new spouse.

 

Do you have a habit of just showing up unannounced and often?  That would make a difference.